not feeling so supermom

I’m practically a shoo-in for the mother’s equivalent of a razzie

You know how baby girl is so unassuming? She’s a totally fuss-free baby, right from the day she was born. Doesn’t demand very much, except to have a full tummy and an empty diaper. Her 2 favoritest activities are watching us blitz around the house all day and talking to her best friend, Kiki (her favorite bear hanky from down under).

During happier times

During happier times

That’s all she needs to be happy, milk, diapers and Kiki.

It’s supposed to make my job as her mom is pretty simple. Just keep those three coming and I’ve got a happy camper on my hands. Here’s where I become the worst mom in the world. Yesterday, I lost Kiki during our trip to town. Somewhere amidst the madness of hauling 2 kids around in the blistering heat, Kiki fell out of the stroller and was never seen again. As far as Kirsten is concerned, I murdered her best friend. To say that she’s absolutely devastated is an understatement.

That bear is her entire life. It’s all I need to make her sleep. She’ll nuzzle her face into the bear and drift off to to dreamland on her own. Every morning, she spends a good half hour talking to the bear before she cries for milk. And now I’ve gone and destroyed her only friend in the world.

I totally understand because I used to have a best friend myself, albeit an imaginary one. Essentially the same thing. Her name was Pooky and we used to do everything together. Then one day, I found out that Pooky was also a profanity commonly used to refer to a part of the female anatomy. Which was also the day I decided to let her go. I realize it’s not quite the same thing as baby girl, but I feel her pain.

Since yesterday, baby girl has been unable to sleep and she’s lost all appetite. All she does is grab her head in agony and scream.

What’s worse than the worst mother in the world? Me, probably.

We’ve been searching the malls for the bear but I’m pretty sure she’s been trampled to death. Short of flying to Sydney to get a new one, it’s unlikely I’ll get it back. I’m going to have to spend the next week trying to convince her that Kiki has gone for a makeover and come back as another bear. Then if she takes to the new bear, I’m going out to buy another 10 more just in case.

Updated: I couldn’t find a bear so I got her a duck and stuck it in my bra for half a day. I went up 2 cup sizes and she totally bought it. WIN.

Happy times again

out of the box

It was a very good year

Last year started off well enough. I had the cutest kid in the world and another one on the way, this time a girl. My dream of being able to take care of the kids myself had come true. I had just left my job without the faintest idea how we were going to make it through the year. All I knew was that the kids were worth the foregone holidays, shopping sprees and maître d’s.

I was well on my way to having my white picket fences, 5 kids, 3 dogs and a garden of pretty white hydrangeas. Well, almost.

It was a fairly ordinary start to the year. Nothing like the shindigs we used to have before the kids came along. Seeing that I was pregnant and exhausted, a couple of university mates brought the party over to our place so that I could crash after midnight while the soiree continued. I raised my glass, cheered a little, exchanged some pleasantries and went straight to bed.

For me, the new year came without much fuss or commotion. But I went to bed with a nagging suspicion that even though the new year had sneaked up on me, the year ahead was anything but typical. As a matter of fact, it turned out to be one of the wildest years I’ve ever had. Even crazier than the year I got married, went on my honeymoon, shifted to my new place, took a sabbatical from work and went to bible school. Way crazier.

Here’s what I did this year.

1. I pushed an entire baby out of my child bearing bits. It was different from having the obgyn grab the baby out while I lay on the table like a piece of meat. Totally doesn’t count. This time, I managed to do the whole sweaty, screamy thing. It was indescribably satisfying.

2. I lost 30 kg. Without even trying. It was even more satisfying.

3. I went without sleep for the most number of days in a row. It was not satisfying at all.

4. We won the premier league without much of a fight. Again. Somewhat satisfying.

5. I learnt what it means to love. Which is to choose letting them vomit into your mouth over flinging them against the wall. Which is to spend your every waking minute loving them (even the 20 minutes that they’re off throwing a hissy fit). Which is to put them first at the expense of yourself all the time. And not because you have to but because you want to.

6. I walked out of the worst case of depression I’ve ever had in my life. There were days when I thought I’d never walk out of it, but I have. At least the worst is already over.

7. I started a blog, which has turned out to be one of the best things I’ve done. It’s opened up a whole community of mothers who’s been through all of it and worse and still managed to keep it all together. To all the people I’ve met in the blogosphere, you are all awesome.

8. I survived the year without having a job. Technically, I do have a job but in some countries, being a slave is doesn’t count as a real job. The thing is that we made it. Without needing to sell any of my internal organs.

9. I grew as a person. I feel like I’ve aged, but in a good way. These days, I feel less and less like a kid and more as an adult. We’ve all got to grow up sometime. This year, it was my time to grow up.

10. I went from mom to supermom.

My favorite quote from Ally Mcbeal is this. If you think back, and replay your year – if it doesn’t bring you tears of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted. This year, it’s got plenty of both. It’s been one hell of a tough year. I don’t think I’ve ever cried this much in my life. But it’s been a good year and I’ve never been happier.

So here’s to 2010. They say in 2010, we’ll have time travel, flying capsules and robots to do our bidding. Or not. Either way, have a good one this year.

the breast things in life are free

Merry christmas, everyone

Well, so I know this is a little late but we just had a crazy past couple of days with copious amounts of merrymaking. But that’s fun of Christmas, isn’t it? Getting swept up in all the excitement, being with family, catching up with old friends, exchanging presents and well-wishes. It’s a time to spread the love, then sit back and take it all in.

The husband on leave for the next week so we’re just going to take a little break and spend some time together. Maybe go to the zoo, have a picnic, do more partying or just snuggle up in bed and catch up on some sleep.

That means I’ll be back after New Year’s so before I forget, have a lovely end to the year. Hug somebody and tell them how special they are.

Merry christmas and happy holidays.