stuff best described as not safe for parents

A “Get out of Jail free” pass, three hours a day.

January 11, 2010

Going out is fun

It’s nice to be out on a Monday morning. Or any morning for that matter.

The whole of last year, I spent being at home. As far as the world was concerned, I fell through the cracks and off the map. It’s like I didn’t even exist. Except for a couple of hours during the weekends, I spent all of my days and nights at home in my PJs.

For a while it was nice not to bother about makeup and pretty clothes because there is no way I’m dressing up just to be at home running after two crazy kids. Comfort trumps all, I thought. But as I’ve come to realize, feeling that comfortable all the time is not good for morale. It’s nice to dab on some makeup and head out for some fresh air. It’s nice to meet people again, even if it’s just making small talk about how cute my baby is. It’s nice to have a real latte and a scone. Did I mention the fresh air? I really miss fresh air.

Anyway, baby girl has been enjoying the time out. She’s been surprisingly adaptable and unfussy. I was prepared for some adjustment on her part but she’s been eating well and taking hour-long naps outdoors, which gives me some time for breakfast and a nice book.

Although I got to say, being out is a hell of a lot more tiring. There’s still a thousand things to pack when I’m out with two babies, and also a lot of contingency planning and improvisation like when they projectile vomit or have such a massive pack of poop it spills out of their diaper and onto everywhere else or throw a colossal hissy fit for 15 minutes. When these things happen, I ask myself why I’m pathological enough to venture out of the home alone with two kids.

Then I think about the alternative, which is house arrest. I think I choose fresh air.

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Funny or So I think

Flash cards are awesome and lizards are ewww

January 7, 2010

I always said that I wouldn’t turn into that kind of parent. You know, the kind that buys flash cards for their kids and sends them to playschool at 18 months. But against my better instincts, I am turning into that kind of parent. What’s next? Donating a very large sum to a fancy private school so that my kids have a direct entry to their very prestigious institution.

I admit, I used to think that flash cards were lame. My kids will learn by real life observation rather than reciting a bunch of flash cards a million times a day. Then I realized that it’s impossible to expose him to stuff like killer whales and fire-breathing dragons everyday. Heck, some people go through their whole lives without ever seeing a golden-horned unicorn. And the easiest way to teach them stuff is through flash cards. Well, besides TV, I mean. I suppose I could draw stuff on a piece of paper, but all my animals end up looking suspiciously similar and that’s just going to mess with his head.

Anyway, the husband came back with a pack of jigsaw flash cards from Borders the other day and it’s actually pretty handy. It’s got all these awesome lifelike photos of stuff that corresponds to each alphabet.

And then I saw this.

World's creepiest flash cards

Who puts lizards as the first item under L? Morons, that’s who. There’s tons of perfectly cool items that start with L. Like leprechauns and lightsabers and liposuction. It’s like watching Barney sing the I love you song on youtube and then suddenly it cuts to a scene from Exorcist when you least expect it. Bloody hell.

I’m not overreacting because I have a thing against looking at pictures of lizards and their relatives (think snakes, komodo dragons, crocodiles). I stopped watching National Geographic because there was this documentary on lizards once and it gave me nightmares for weeks. I can’t look at pictures of lizards without thinking that they are going to suddenly spring to life and attack me. Yes, it’s not real, I know, but I NEVER touch pictures of slimy stuff because I can literally feel it in my head and that totally creeps me out.

One time, my little friend Joie put a very-realistic-fake-lizard on my shoulder (instigated by the husband, obviously) and I almost passed out from a panic attack.

So I’ve successfully taught Tru that lizards are evil and should be destroyed. Now every time he sees the lizard, he goes “ewww, gross“. I told you, he’s a genius.

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out of the box

First day of school and Tru got himself a groupie

January 6, 2010

First shot at riding a bike

The first day of school has always been traumatic for me, mostly because I’m shy and awkward and resistant to change. I thought things would be different when it came to my kids but it is still as nerve-racking for me. My son, he’s chillin’ like ice cream filling but momma, not so much.

I was actually real excited about having 3 whole hours to spend alone with baby girl since she hasn’t had me all to herself in like… ever. I had my week all planned out. On Mondays we’ll go to the library, Tuesdays and Thursdays to the park, Wednesdays to Starbucks and on Fridays we will go visit friends for playdates.

Yesterday for the first time, I neatly labelled and packed Tru’s bag, made him a sandwich and dropped him off to school like a big boy. Just like we expected, Tru hit the ground running and fell right into formation like a trooper. On the first day, he played in the sandbox, tried riding a tricycle and made a new friend (and by friend I mean groupie). Something tells me that he’s going to have a lot of fun in school.

So all is good, except that I really miss him. It’s a breather for me and baby girl seems thrilled but it’s so different without him around. The 3 hours of freedom I got, I spend missing my little man.

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