not feeling so supermom, pregnancy

I hate my life and everything sucks and I just want to curl up and cry

Shucks, the hormones are going crazy again. I just had a mini meltdown yesterday over absolutely nothing. One moment I was calmly having dinner with the husband and next thing I know, I’m bawling like a baby. The thing is, I’m not even sure what really triggered it off. I think it was probably the accumulated exhaustion, the excruciating pain in my back and the impending delivery. I suddenly felt like I was drowning.

Husband: Are you alright? You seem awfully quiet today.

Me: Yeah I’m fine.

*Extended silence

Husband: Babe, you sure you’re ok?

Me: BWAAAHHHHHH… I thaid I’m phine tho just thop asking ok! BWAAHHHH… AAHHHHHH

Like I said, total meltdown. The mood swings are ruining my life.

To put it into perspective, I’m not accustomed to losing it like this. Or so I think (the husband might beg to differ). But 2 pregnancies back to back has thrown all my hormones into overdrive, and for the first time in my life, I’m behaving like a neurotic, manic and schizophrenic all rolled into one. And I totally can’t help it. My brain knows I’m acting crazy, but it’s not listening to reason.

It was really bad just after I gave birth to Tru. With the c-section and a screaming infant, my post natal depression was off the charts. I remember sobbing uncontrollably for hours everyday during the first 2 weeks postpartum. Out of the blue I’d just sit down and cry (not the half-ass cry but a massive mucus-flying kind of major sob fest). I would try to stop, but I just felt too depressed.

Accursed hormones.

I’m hoping it wouldn’t be so bad with Kirsten. But by the looks of it, I think I’m in for another bout of baby blues. It’s time to brace yourselves.

PS. I don’t really hate my life. Except when it sucks.

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