Lately, all my dreams have been about giving birth.
Just 2 nights ago, I dreamt that I needed to go in for an emergency c-section and the gynae started brandishing a cleaver like Daniel “The Butcher” Day-Lewis in Gangs of New York. I was still calmly asking him if it was necessary to use a knife that big and he was all “we’re out of scalpels but don’t worry, everything is under control” while twirling his moustache. And the most disconcerting thing about the whole dream? I was less concerned about the cleaver and more about the fact that my gynae doesn’t even have a moustache. I just saw him last week and the guy was clean shaven, then a week later, he’s got facial hair long enough to twirl.
Then last night, I dreamt that I was in labor. Like actual screamy, panic-inducing, BABY’S COMING NOW kind of labor. My dreams don’t usually translate into real pain but last night’s dream had my stomach all up in knots. It turned out to be a particularly bad case of middle-of-the-night-diarrhea but the point is that my brain managed to conjure up a whole dream scenario to give some context to the pain.
I’m no expert on interpreting dreams because they usually never mean what I think it means but I see a theme here and I’m going out on a limb to say that I’m about ready to pop.
So I figured I might as well be productive and come up with a proper birth plan. For the previous 2 kids, my entire plan was to arrive at the hospital and start yelling for an epidural. But after some serious consideration, I’m going to attempt a medication-free labor. I have to at least try this once and see how far I can go without having to stick a needle up my spine.
To make the process easier (or at least provide some distraction from the pain), I’ve come up with a list of things I’ll need in the delivery ward.
2. Movies/Dramas – Every episode of Game of Thrones from the past 2 seasons. Now’s not the time to be watching namby pamby characters whining about their romantic interests (I’m looking at you, Ted Mosby). It’s time to go for some Ned Stark level of brutal medieval action.
3. Mobility – The good thing about not having epidural is that I won’t have to be confined to the bed. I’m going to try every yoga position possible to see if it helps with the pain management. If I have to squat to deliver the baby, I’m going to do it.
The husband says that this time, he’s going to film the entire birth process and make it into a snazzy video and I made him a promise that if he so much as brings any image capturing device near my birth-giving parts, I will personally get off the delivery table and beat him unconscious with said device.
If you have any birth plan recommendations, do share!