I used to have a life where I did productive things and went for nice lunches and had lovely pockets of me time. Those days were good but they’re gone now.
These days, I have just one goal in life – to survive from wake-time to bedtime. And by survive, I quite literally mean to exist without dying because multiple times a day, I feel like I might actually die from exhaustion. Also, as a bonus, if neither one of us spent the day in tears (that much), then it’s considered a huge, huge success.
My countdown starts at 7.30 in the morning when the baby wakes up and I watch the minutes tick by till it’s time for bed at 9.30 at night. It’s not like bedtime is some kind of welcome relief where he falls into a deep and restful slumber because oh no, it’s not. The nights are definitively worse because having to wake up to an angry baby at 90 minute intervals is a whole new level of wretched. But it just seems like bedtime is a reasonable milestone to break up my day into two slightly less overwhelming parts.
If the future me was looking at myself right now, I’d tell present me to suck it up and get it together because in 6 months, things will get better and I’m going to wax lyrical about how I should have embraced the moment.
And present me would then proceed to punch future me in the face.
Not because it’s terrible advice but because it’s exactly what I need right now. Urgh, I hate it when my smug future self is right in giving me sagely but difficult advice.
Especially since this is going to be my last baby and I’m never going to be able to breathe in that newborn baby scent once this baby stops being a baby. But then my exhausted brain tells me that I ACTUALLY DON’T CARE ABOUT USELESS THINGS LIKE SMELLS BECAUSE ALL I WANT TO DO NOW IS LIE DOWN FOR 30 MINUTES IN SWEET SILENCE. And then I feel like a terrible mother who’s not seizing the moment with my precious little snowflake.
I guess the only good thing about being in survival mode is that I also have very little bandwidth left to feel that choking mommy guilt. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Besides, I just embraced that one moment last Wednesday when Theo gurgled at me for the first time so that should last me for another week or so.
Today, I just have 9 more hours to go. And this baby face that’s so deceptively demanding.
12 Comments
I always enjoy your posts, they often makes me feel comforted and sort of let me know what’s to come since I’m about to pop next month. I’ve always thought I can multi-task well but now I’m scared! And what’s worst is when my male boss thinks that motherhood changes people and that i might be less productive at work as i used to be after maternity leave. I’m a huge bundle of nerves right now…
Thanks Adeline! Don’t worry, it’s not all bad. All the best for the final leg! And your cute baby will make up for all of it, that’s for sure.
This post came in quite timely for me as this is the exact situation I’m going through right now..Except that I am only handling 2 kids (2nd one born just 1 week before Theo) so I can’t imagine how you could handle 4!! Reading your posts eases me up a lil and it tells me I’m not alone in this situation .. I guess we shld always look forward and hope the little one cooperates and makes life more bearable. Press on!!!
Um, hi 5? You know what they say about misery loving company, I guess it’s nice to know that we’re not alone in this and yes to things getting better soon!
Psssssst. Make the day shorter. My baby — for her first year — woke at 6:45 and went to sleep at 7 and took three naps (3 hours) a day. She is now a toddler and wakes at 7, sleeps at 7, no naps ;).
Thanks for the tip! Although I tried it once and he woke up at 1am looking fresh and energetic – that was a bad night. Might try to gradually shift his bedtime earlier in a couple of weeks, let’s hope it works!
My 4 months old baby is recovering from eczema. Waiting for her to sleep thru the night again. Totally can emphatise with you.
*huuuuuggggsssss*
Thanks babe! :)
Baby Theo is so adorable! Look at his hair… So thick. I really can’t imagine how you cope with 3 kids + 1 newborn! Hope Theo’s sleeping schedule is getting better soon.
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Thankfully I’ve got help at home and the 3 big ones go to school (yay!) so it’s more manageable. But still lots of mayhem around here!
Oh I remember those days when my main goal of the day was just to try to be somewhat awake and alert and not keel over from exhaustion. I looked forward to naptimes and bedtimes. Hope you are getting lots of help – you are a superhero mama in our eyes!
It gets better right?? I don’t know how you do it with 3 boys, you make it look easy peasy! Seriously, why do they have so much energy??