not feeling so supermom

My day kind of sucks. How’s yours?

We all have bad days. Days that make you feel like dropping everything and running for cover to a place where you didn’t have to deal with things you don’t have the fortitude to deal with. Days where you feel like screaming melodramatically “I’m just not strong enough”.

I hate bad days.

Back when I was working, bad days came in the form of having to deal with a sick kid on the very day I had an important event, one I spent weeks working my ass off on. Like come on, what are the odds my baby wakes up with a temperature on big-deal-event-day. You have the million-dollar choice of requesting for urgent leave and watching your weeks of planning (and possibly your job) go up in flames or ditching the kid and hating every single moment of your day at work, wishing it would go up in flames because WORK SUCKS and you’re a terrible mother etc etc.

Or when I get a work call at 3 in the morning with a voice at the other end telling me to get my ass out of bed and into office by 5.30am. Don’t ask.

Or when I spend every day of every week resenting the fact that I’m writing retarded press releases and reports for a bunch of folks who don’t even bother to pretend to read them, and then having to be told I can’t write to save my life.

I thought that when I left my job, that would be the last I saw of bad days.

Without having to go into the debate of whether it sucks more to be a full-time working mom or a work-from-home mom, I’d like to state for the record that bad days don’t go away even when you don’t have to put on a proper shirt and step into the office. Whether you work from home or in the office, a deadline’s a deadline and work still needs to be done. Which is kind of hard to do when your kid decides he’s having a bad day as well. And at least, when I’m at the office, I get to sit in relative quiet in my cubicle to bash out the work.

Right now, my working hours take place from 2-4pm when the kids nap and after 9pm when the kids are in bed. On a good day, that is. So when the kids don’t nap, it’s a bad day. When they don’t nap and spend that two hours whining and screaming, it’s an even worse day. When they spend that time making your existence miserable while you’re on the phone trying to get some urgent work done, it’s a bloody nightmare.

Because on top of being stressed and flustered, you get all emotional and guilt-ridden for being a bad mom who doesn’t deserve to stay home with the kids and how maybe they’re better off at childcare after all.

I told myself that the kids were supposed to come first no matter what. That I would be patient and not lose my shit. I had all these images of huggy-kissy time with smily kids in slow motion and soaring music in the background. But you know how life likes to make a mockery of your best intentions? It was like “Ok, here’s a scene right out from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Not so picture perfect now, is it?”

After my fair share of bad days, I wish I could say that I’m an expert on how to roll with the punches. Except that I’m not. But what I do now is to take a deep breath, make myself a steaming cup of hot chocolate, hide in the kitchen where the kids can’t enter, close my eyes and drink. Then suck it up and wait for the day to be over. And this thing called tomorrow, it’s usually better.

With that, I leave you with my favorite Shakespearean quote of all time. “Come what come may, time and the hour runs through the roughest day.”

Touche, William.

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  • Reply andy August 12, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    hi hi , me had bad week too, although guys do not experience hormone swings :p
    Can only find solace through blogging (de-stress).

    It is up to us to Decide whether to wallow in self-pity, or Soldier on Bravely haha. Like what u say, (sometimes) “Tomorrow” is better.
    andy´s last post ..Xins latest Hairdo

    • Reply Daphne August 13, 2010 at 4:13 pm

      @andy, I agree on finding solace through blogging. Its like a support club for parents.

  • Reply Judith August 13, 2010 at 12:29 am

    Hope your night is turning out to be better! I know exactly what you mean. Had the same type of day today, only thankfully with one kid. So wiped out from being preggo that I fell asleep in the middle of M’s tantrum though. Anyway, thought I’d share – I have a box ( no, not one I crawl into.) In this magic magic box go crayons/stickers/random orbid Macs toys, story books and anything that makes loud noises and has flashing lights. Cheapo stuff I get from Popular and pasar malams. When the screaming starts out comes something NEW and SHINY from the box. If all else fails, just empty out half the box contents and let them sift through it. If they fight. Well, let the best man win.
    Judith´s last post ..Not that I don’t like my life now

    • Reply Daphne August 13, 2010 at 4:13 pm

      @Judith, Woot! A magic box with stuff that keeps kids quiet is magical indeed. I may have to fill it with gummies though. Hahah.

  • Reply MieVee @ August 13, 2010 at 1:06 am

    I MAKE sure the kid naps, no matter what.
    My worst day was when I was down with flu and seriously needed to nap but the kid woke up after only 1 hr. Super-sucky!
    MieVee @´s last post ..MEGA Sale- Rumparooz G2 One Size Cloth Diaper Snaps

  • Reply leslie August 13, 2010 at 6:24 am

    The WORST day I’ve had would be when the kids are sick and I am also sick BUT I still have to care for them in my all-time flu-drowsiness. Ends up three of us hugging together sobbing like no tomorrow.

    But the consolation on every bad day is – it ultimately ends when the kids go to bed at night.
    leslie´s last post ..Oval shabby floral photo frame

    • Reply Daphne August 13, 2010 at 4:15 pm

      @leslie, Yours is particularly fierce cause you have TWINS!

      Well at least the kids sleep through the night. Peace on earth and goodwill to all mankind…

  • Reply YH August 13, 2010 at 4:43 pm

    My son is down with HFM disease now. My daughter is teething. I m having a fever too and I still got a lot of work in the office to clear. After I get home, I still got to run after 2 babies. At this moment now, is the worst time for me. Hopefully tomorrow we all get better. It’s Saturday tomorrow. Wish everyone have a nice weekend.

    • Reply Daphne August 16, 2010 at 2:39 pm

      @YH, Hey YH, sorry to hear that, that really sucks. Big time. I hope things are better this week.

  • Reply Jean August 13, 2010 at 5:04 pm

    Ok…. and why do we married folks have kids??!!??!! *cold feet*

    • Reply Daphne August 16, 2010 at 2:51 pm

      @Jean, cause’ they can be aaawwwwshucks cute at times.

      Its probably not worth it but what’s the price of love?

  • Reply Chee August 13, 2010 at 11:24 pm

    I totally understand your feelings as I work from home also with two kids. Murphy’s Law always seems to strike on THE day you need to have the most important conf call, meeting etc. That will be the day the kids decide to go off schedule, not nap or worse, one only naps when the other wakes up. I try to remember I am a part time paid employee, full time (unpaid) mother but seriously how many times can one ask for forgiveness/understanding from colleagues/clients/boss before the paid part becomes a bit jeopardized?

    • Reply Daphne August 16, 2010 at 2:52 pm

      @Chee, no wonder us women generally draw a lower salary. The pay package takes into account childcare leave, urgent leave, sick-leave, block vocation leave…haha.

  • Reply JZ August 14, 2010 at 12:10 am

    I have to say that family support became the most important thing when I had my boy. Because I know my mom loves my boy as much as I do (and maybe even takes care of him better than I do), I can go to work in peace. I still feel guilty and worried at work when my boy is sick but at least not so bad. But I do agree that one of the worst is when I was sick together with my boy and hubby…ugh!
    JZ´s last post ..Medicine

    • Reply Daphne August 16, 2010 at 2:54 pm

      @JZ, your mom is a retiree? my mom is barely older than me (haha) so she’s still very actively working. So while she’s been a lifesaver I can’t expect her to rescue me every single time.

      I’ve said this before but – I need a clone.

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