Let’s face it, babies are a lot of work. They cry for no reason, make poopie in their pants, require constant attention and wake up multiple times a night demanding milkies. And they make you talk like a two-year-old when in fact, you’re pushing thirty-one.
Frankly, it’s exhausting.
By virtue of those factors alone, babies should be extinct by now but the amazing thing is that they aren’t. And I think this is because they make up for all of it by sheer awesomeness. A redonkulous amount of awesomeness (hat tip to HIMYM’s latest episode), if I might add.
1. Baby skin. Have you felt the powdery soft skin of a baby who just woke up from a nap? That coupled with the intoxicating fragrance of eau de bébé can send your ovaries straight into overdrive. Notice I didn’t say MY ovaries. These ovaries need a break, y’all but yours can carry on.
2. They poop rainbows. No, like literally. Like that one time Finn ate crayons, there was actual traces of color in his poop. It was still really gross but in a colorful sort of way, I guess.
3. Babies don’t judge. They don’t care if I haven’t washed my hair in 3 days or can’t fit into my size 28 super skinnies. They don’t care if my singing sounds like when the neighbor’s cat was attacked by what I imagine was another more angry cat. They don’t make jokes about my cellulite. They look at me at see all the awesome parts that I often don’t even see myself.
4. Baby babble. Watching them try so hard to form words only to have them come out sounding like “bleh eh dehh” is a special level of cute. Every time Finn tries to talk, it’s like he really concentrates before forming sounds and when he actually hears the babbling that’s coming out of his mouth, he stops and looks puzzled like as if that wasn’t meant to happen. And he tries again until he babytalks himself into a frenzy. I half expect him to hulk smash some toys at the end of it.
5. Babies do what you tell them to do. More or less. Unless they don’t want to, then they will scream bloody murder. Okay you know what, scratch this point.
5 (redux). Babies are so stinkin’ cute to look at. Why are their heads so disproportionately big? Why do they look like emoticons? Why don’t they ever have a bad hair day? Why are their thighs so deliciously chubby? And most of all, how can anything have this much cuteness crammed into such a tiny body?