“I need space,” he said as he gently shoved me aside with the back of his little hand, eyes still glued to the TV.
This was new. He’s needed a lot of things in the past almost 4 years but space has never been one of them. I didn’t even know that he knew what space was, much less needed it. Even when he was watching TV, he’d want me to sit next to him with my laptop just so I could be close by. He would smile and let me tousle his hair or play with his toes or smother him with kisses. He’d even reach out to hold my hand every so often.
“I’m not taking away your space, I just wanted to give you a small kiss.”
“Not now. Later when I’m done, ok?” Still not even throwing me a glance.
“Would you like me to sit with you while you watch?”
“No need. You go out to do your work. Go, go, go.”
“Fine, but just one kiss before I go? When you were a baby, you used to let me kiss you anytime I wanted, remember.”
He finally looked up for a brief moment. I thought he would reach in for a quick kiss but he didn’t.
“I’m not a baby anymore, I’m a big boy.”
So he was. He used to need me but now he needs space. Away from me.
I knew this day would come and I remember telling myself that when it happened, I’d let him take the lead in pulling away. I’d hang around in the distance just close enough that when he needed me, I could come sprinting back. I’d give him the space he needed for as long as he needed it. I’d learn to be ok with it.
***
“I want you to sit with me.”
I checked the clock and it was barely 15 minutes since he chased me out of the room. I was doing a victory fist pump in my head but I played it cool.
“You’re done with TV? You want mommy to spend time with you now?”
He nodded.
“Sure, sweetheart, anytime.”
Today, it was just 15 minutes of space that he needed and I felt like I was losing my baby. Maybe I was overreacting. I usually look forward to the pockets of time I could steal to check my emails or get some work done but I guess the difference was that I always did it on my terms, knowing that they still needed me.
How do moms do this? Let go, I mean. One day they’re helpless and needy and clingy and I turn my entire world upside down to be there for them. Then just when I’m used to being needed, they decide to grow up. Next thing I know, they’ll be running off with friends, hiding secrets, blocking me on Facebook and having all kinds of crazy adventures without me.
I should probably just enjoy it while it lasts. That and have more babies.
30 Comments
Oh man! If this day comes, I’ll be weeping buckets!
Yeah I know what you mean! I guess that’s why we get to deal with it in bite sized chunks until they finally become independent.
My dad always told me we used to be close like how he would take me out every day and how superly clingy I was to him when I was younger like Tru’s age till 9? But as I grew up, he said all I needed was space and he knows it wasn’t a way to get away from him because I still need him. I just heard the same thing a week plus ago when we were discussing about me moving to Brisbane for 2 years. He said it is something both parents and their babies learn as a part of growing up. Hahaha! I feel so dejavu now reading your entry!
Hugs babe! Hope the little one inside and yourself is doing well!
Your dad is very wise. We have to learn to let go as much as they do.
That day will come when the boys will listen to their wives, not us. I’m cherishing every moment now. Girls may stick around longer. Anyway, nice post :)
True that. Much as I’d miss them, I wouldn’t want them to be a mommy’s boy after they get married. At that point, hopefully I have grandkids to look forward to… :)
Thanks for this, Daphne. I have a super clingy 1 year old who sticks around my feet everywhere I go and I sometimes wished she was more independent but I guess I really should enjoy her wanting me before she grows up!
Parents of older kids used to tell me the same thing but I guess it’s tough when they’re going through the clingy phase. Enjoy the good parts while it lasts!
thanks for the post, it’s a gentle reminder for me to enjoy holding, kissing, hugging and cuddling my four-month old while he let me. note to self, stop complaining that i am too tired from taking care of him
Yes definitely!!
o my… if this days comes… i think i will cry too…
Hang in there, it might not be as bad when it happens…
We are all parents walking a tight robe haha.
To keep our kids near to us, or to watch them drift away becoming more independent.
Either way, they are still kids, and will always have a capacity to feel jealous of your new baby. My 9 years old does (walau), but we are not complaining.
They grow up too fast.
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Yeah hopefully they won’t be too jealous of the new baby. For now, they’re pretty excited though.
Oh dear… This is a great reminder for me whenever I get crazy from my son’s whining or yelling.
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Haha I know it’s tough! Maybe just remember to enjoy the good parts like the hugs and kisses and sitting still on your lap for extended periods.
He surely talks like a big boy now. But I am sure he will still be Mummy’s boy for a long time, and even when he grows up, he will be sweet and affectionate to Mummy.
Hahah I hope so too!
Daph,
Your story touched a ginormous nerve with me this week… little baby was unwell the past few days and clung onto me every waking moment. I couldn’t even sit down, let alone take a trip to the loo. I was half lamenting that my back was going to break any minute, but on the other hand, which other human being needs me so unconditionally simply cos she needs me? I’m still trying to find the balance between her needy and independent self, although I suspect she’ll be the one to teach me when I should eventually let go. Take very good care yourself, and enjoy Tru’s next phase of growing up :)
Sounds rough, sick kids are really stressful… hope baby is doing better now!
Nat did that to me just few days ago. He told me “When I go into class, just go ok. No need to look at me at the door.”
What?
So cute!! He’s too cool.
Don’t worry, Daphne. He’ll be back for Mummy :)
My 6 year old has been fiercely independent for the longest time, until suddenly a few weeks ago, when she started wanting to stay home from prep just to spend more time with me, and even wanting me to come to class with her! Tru is just practising being a big boy. He still wants and needs his Mummy!
I’m still getting used to the different phases, and learning to enjoy each one. Easier said than done though!
I know exactly how devastated you felt. Last weekend my 16 MONTH OLD pushed me out of the room and closed the door so she could play in peace with her balloon sculptures. That’s waaaay too early!
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I’m back 4 hours later and your blog looks different already! I like the new look especially the font of the headers :)
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LOL way too advanced for 16 months!
I’m working on a new look for the blog, still putting up the finishing touches but it should be ready soon! :)
Hi Daphne,
Congratulations for the new blog design. The new header is simple and nice. Reminds me that I still do not have a header for my blog!
I’ve been wanting to change the layout for the longest time but kept sitting on it. Glad to have finally done it!
Facebook probably won’t be around anymore by the time Truett hits his teens.
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