I’m a stay home mom and I happen to think that it’s the best gig ever.
Let me get this out of the way. Much as I’d like it to be so, being a stay home mom isn’t a job, it’s a privilege. Which is not to say that it’s easy because it’s not. Spending my day at home with 4 kids is disproportionately exhausting considering that they’re such tiny little humans.
Often, my days are filled with inane tasks that require very little expertise – picking up toys, singing silly songs, cleaning messes, making pretend (and sometimes real) sandwiches, wiping poop, that sort of thing. On good days, I try to step up my game and introduce elaborate craft ideas in the name of holistic education. Or I experiment with a new dish that’s supposed to turn my offspring into healthier, stronger, smarter versions of themselves. Inevitably, the art pieces turn out looking like they’re done by a bunch of 3-year-olds (including mine), and let’s just say that I won’t be winning any culinary awards anytime soon. Or ever.
The truth is that on this turf of stay home moms who create Pinterest-worthy baked goods and wholesome meals that include words like quinoa and hummus, I have very little real skills to speak of. In fact, if I ever had to hire a professional stay home mom for my kids, I would not be at the top of that list.
Which is why I sometimes wonder if maybe I should make more productive use of my time and like…get a proper 9-5 sort of job. Besides, it’d be nice to be recognised for my abilities and be paid in real money for a change.
When stay home moms talk about how crazy this *job* is, it’s not because the job is really that hard (although it can get pretty intense), but because we feel like we need to justify the sacrifices that are made in financial terms. We spend all this time at home doing mundane tasks and after a decade of being not much more than a mom, we don’t have anything quantifiable to show for it. Maybe my kids will grow up to change the world or maybe they won’t. And then what? Should I have outsourced the care of my kids to people who can do an equally decent job and spent my time properly building a career?
But after having done this for a while, I’m convinced that at least for me, this is the best gig I could possibly ask for. Sure there are trade offs, especially when I think about how much easier life could be with a second regular, stable income. It’s also way less glamorous than it seems (and it already doesn’t seem that glamorous to begin with), but every morning, I can’t help waking up feeling thankful that I get to do this.
I get to see this face all day, every day.
That means access to unlimited munches on juicy baby rolls, especially within the 15 minute window after this baby wakes up from a delicious nap. He’ll be in a dreamy mood and I’ll get to munch on all the baby rolls I want without any protest. Sometimes, he’ll even giggle like he’s enjoying it, until he wakes up fully and realises that he does not, in fact, enjoy this munching at all.
Is this fun for me? I’m not sure.
I get to have this baby fall asleep in my arms when he’s feeling ill or sad or just having a bad day, knowing that I’m here to help make him feel better.
I get to spend more time than I should making faces with these two.
Or these two.
I get to watch my babies having a moment of their own, discovering how special siblings really are.
I get to spend my day experiencing all the good and bad, happy and sad, funny and mad moments with four of my favourite people in the world.
If that’s not a privilege, I don’t know what is.
12 Comments
Too true too true! I think I’m fortunate that I am situation where I can make the choice to be a stay at home mom so I do feel like it’s my privilege and not so much a sacrifice.
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Especially on those really crazy days, I like to remind myself that it’s a privilege that I even get to do this, and I should enjoy the ride while I’m on it. :)
Considering that you do several long haul trips a year on a single income, I’m sure it’s not a difficult decision to remain a stay home mom.
Definitely nice to be in a good place, but I guess even during the years when things were tough and there were no trips to be made, I did still enjoy being a stay home mom (ok, technically a work from home mom).
But you’re right, I know how lucky I am to be able to do this!
You are so spot on that it’s indeed a privilege. I’ve been toying with the idea of a stay home mum for awhile especially now that our child care arrangement is a little crazy. But it does take a lot of guts of faith to make that step out and honestly I don’t know if I can ever do it :(
I think there’s no one size fits all solution, just do what works for your family. :) And much respect to working moms, it’s crazy juggling work and kids, it’s like 2 jobs in one!
Hey babe!
I think being a SAHM is a privilege AND a job!!!
Cos if you think about it, if you’re not a SAHM, think about how much money you would have to pay for full-time infant care, full-day toddler childcare, after-school care etc. Oh and think about how many days of leave you save your hubby cos you’re at home when the kids are sick! Add that money up, and that’s how much SAHMs should be paid!
I do agree that it is a privilege but even if something is a privilege, that doesn’t make it any less of a job.
True some SAHMs have it “easier” than others because maybe their hubbies earn more money, so perhaps they fall under the category of being a Tai-Tai!
But it still doesn’t change the fact that being a SAHM means you forego the opportunity cost of being able to work full-time, earn a full-time income and build your career. So every SAHM has to make sacrifices, especially financially!
LOL that’s true. Plus more kids = economies of scale haha. Totally agree!
The only thing is that in real terms, being a sahm doesn’t get you paid (you’re kind of doing it for free!) so for some, it would still make more financial sense to have a job and have the kids go to childcare.
Hi Daphne, thanks for touching on this. I myself have been thinking long and hard about taking the plunge to be a SAHM ever since I was preg with #2. My maternity leave is abt to end soon and I just can’t seem to make up my mind! One day I’ll be like super determined *types resignation letter* and the next day I would be thinking “but it’s kindda scary to have zero income for the rest of my life” and I would waver… I really love spending all day with my 2 babies and can’t imagine what it would be like when I return to work full time, spending only 2 hrs with them? I know though that I really would want to be a SAHM, just need to convince myself a bit more (bye bags! bye shoes! bye SKII! Lol =p)
Had to LOL at your “bye bag! Bye shoes! Bye SKII! comments!!!!
Don’t mind if I butt into your comment.
I would say GO FOR IT!
I’ve been a SAHM for 3.5 years and counting to my 2 boys and it’s been the MOST rewarding time ever.
And contrary to popular belief, while we did have to make sacrifices and adjust our spending ability, I still do indulge in things I love once in a while – eg. my hair rebonding, annual holidays and massages on special occasions.
I think its all about setting priorities.
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Hahaha Pris is right, it’s not so bad!! Although all that staying at home means we don’t have a chance to wear all those pretty shoes and we can get away with looking like a hobo all day.
I’d say go for it too! You know what Mark Twain said about regret – Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did so..yeah, go for it! And hey, if it doesn’t work out, you can always go back to working. :)
I think the important thing is to know over and over again that you are also doing this for you, that this is what YOU want. Not too healthy to think of it as a sacrifice, in the long run, though underneath it all it is (just have to not dwell on it haha). :)
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