Monthly Archives

June 2009

Two is enough…for now.

June 18, 2009

Jon and Kate plus 8. I'll get there, someday..

With 2 pregnancies back to back, I’ve been pregnant for so long I can’t remember what it feels like not to be pregnant. To wear regular clothes and dye my hair and bend over to cut my toenails without passing out. And I’ve been telling everyone who will listen that I NEED A BREAK. My body is screaming out for some respite and I have this nagging suspicion that it will go on strike if I have a third kid. Like completely break down and refuse to work.

Just the other day my mom (who adores kids) told me flat out that if I had another kid, Grandma won’t be coming to the rescue. There’s no way she’s watching 3 kids while I head out for my weekly movie breaks.

And I ended up having this totally weirdish conversation with her in the kitchen. Cos it’s always awkward talking to your mom about the details of your very active sex life.

Mom: You should consider some contraceptive methods after you give birth.

Me: *mumbles* Yeah, we’ll look into it.

Mom: It’s important to do some family planning, like see what options are available.

Me: *mumbles some more* Uh, yeah, I know.

She probably had a lot more to say, but I had to make a hasty getaway before the conversation ended up something like “Mommy’s favorite contraceptive was…” Ok, TOO. MUCH. INFORMATION.

That being said, I am definitely going to have some serious contraceptive plan after I pop (which will be reserved for another post) because I cannot handle having a third kid, at least not in the next 3 years. I need my life back. But the totally freaky thing is that I’ve been having this recurrent dream that almost immediately after Kirsten in born, I’m preggers again.

So in my dream I’m holding the pregnancy test strip and there’s that plus sign which means positive and I’m freaking out at the husband (it will be all his fault if it happens) and screaming “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO” at the top of my lungs.

And you’d think the dream ends there, but then it continues and suffice to say, at the end of the dream, I look like a cross between a hobo and Helena Bonham Carter, except with crazier hair and bloodshot eyes.

Repeat after me. Not going to happen.

by Daphne

Top 5 Useless Baby Stuff

June 17, 2009

Having kids is like a license to buy all sorts of useless baby stuff. I think its a condition that hits all new mothers, and they go on a rampage to amass the most frivolous baby items. If I were a business person, all I would sell are colorful baby-related stuff that serves no real purpose whatsoever. And I’d be RICH! Seriously, just add a cute baby picture to any product and mothers are guaranteed to go all googly-eyed over it.

Before I had babies, I used to think that I was a very rational buyer. I would do intensive research online and check the reviews and head down to the store to test the product like 5 times before buying something. But it all changed when I got pregnant with Tru. I was obsessed with the kids department in all the stores. It was like an addiction. I could spend hours poring over racks of baby clothes, mittens, booties, soft toys… you name it. Everything was all so tiny and cute, I was totally hooked.

If the husband didn’t confiscate all my credit cards, I would have ended up with a truckload of oh-so-cute but oh-so-useless baby stuff. Here’s a few examples so you know what to avoid when you’re shopping for your kids.

1. Zaky Infant Pillow

zaky infant pillow

It’s a pair of brown adult-sized (by adult sized, I’m referring to a tiny giant) pillow hands complete with fingers, which you can put on your baby while he sleeps. And check out the tagline.

Zaky – It’s Like Leaving a Part of You with Your Baby

Now, how freaky is that? At first, I thought it was an interesting concept, but then again, unless your last name is Addams, you probably wouldn’t want your baby to wake up and find a pair of dismembered hands holding him. Think of all the hours of counseling you could avoid in the future if you just had the good sense to not riddle your kid with so many issues during his formative years.

2. Pee Pee Teepee

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGKFga8fJ6A

This is really good. I first came across this ingenious product while watching Brothers and Sisters, where Calista Flockhart’s character was raving about the benefits of the pee pee teepee. So this is how it works. You know how boys suddenly have the urge to pee the moment the diaper is off? I have lost count of the number of times I got hit by a projectile of pee during nappy changes. But with the PPTP, all you need to do is place the little soft cloth cone over the pee pee when the diaper is off, and what do you know? Crisis averted!

Pee Pee Teepee

But there’s just one thing though. I think the makers of the PPTP underestimated the force that can be generated from a baby’s bladder. There’s been reports that when the baby starts to pee, it causes the PPTP to fly up and hit your face, followed by the stream of lovely, warm liquid.

3. Babykeeper

Babykeeper

The babykeeper is a contraption used by mothers to inflict torture on the babies they HATE with a passion. It’s a pouch-like device with lots of hanging straps to put your baby in. You can then hang them safely from the wall or the ceiling while you go do your stuff. When I first came across this device, I was wondering could ever possess a parent to hang their child from the wall?

Then it suddenly struck me. It’s useful in so many ways. You can swing them like a pendulum just for kicks, tickle them senseless without having to pin down their arms and even use him to scare birds that fly into my kitchen. And all the while knowing that they are in safe hands. What could be better?

4. Tummy Tub

First of all, this looks like a pail I could buy from the store at the market for $2.99. You know the kind they use to put fish in. And some dude came up with the idea of putting a newborn inside , which makes it look like some bizarre Anne Geddes creation. It’s supposed to have many benefits like making the baby feel safe and secure, like he’s still inside the womb.

If you ask me, I’d say it’s a bunch of bollocks. Let’s just say that if I wanted to squeeze my kid into a tiny pail (which I don’t), I wouldn’t be paying $100 for it.

5. Bat and Wobble Penguin

Bat and Wobble Penguin

Sorry, Uncle Toh, but this makes the list of top 5 useless baby stuff. I can understand how a bat and wobble anything may possibly be fun for a 3-year-old toddler with violent tendencies. But a baby does not possess the reflexes to avoid the malicious onslaught of an evil penguin and chances are, they will be hit in the face more times than they can count. My son hates it so much he will not come near it with a 10-foot barge pole.

These days, I use it as a paper weight to hold down stuff.

I’m sure there are plenty of other useless baby stuff you can think of. Here’s just a few to get you started. Feel free to add on to the list!

by Daphne

Sort of Movie Reviews

The non-taking of Pelham 123

June 16, 2009

I must have mentioned that my taste in movies are pretty predictable. I like the usual romantic comedies, (except those with the cheesy scripts that make me want to cringe) blockbusters and action shows. I also have a soft spot for car racing shows and good heist movies.

If I wasn’t a mother, I’d probably be a super spy or a bank heist mastermind in another life. It’s not just the money, it’s the thrill of outsmarting the system and getting away with it.

So naturally, when we had a night off to catch a show, The Taking of Pelham 123 edged out Terminator Salvation, State of Play and Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. I was hoping for some brilliant acting, a smart-ass fast-talking script, and some ingenious heist. But it turned out to be nothing more than a real tease. All I got was a huge set-up for a truly disappointing ending. With heavyweights like John Travolta (Grease is still one of my all time favorites – I can do a solid rendition of Grease Lightning!) and Denzel Washington, the acting was its only saving grace.

The plot though, left much to be desired. The whole time, I was waiting for the great escape, or a twist or something to tie up the story, but nada. There were promising moments, like when John Travolta was masterminding the heist as a catalyst for a tumble on the stock exchange so he could make an obscene pile of money and James Gandolfini realized the real reason behind the setup. But then it was just left hanging after that.

Or when this black dude stood up to take a bullet for a white lady he barely knew. There was so much potential with the plot, but somehow, it was all so dissatisfying. Like a build up to an orgasm which never happens. Just a big, fat waste of my time.

In fact, it was rather lame and when the credits started to roll, I was still hoping that there was something more. *Spoiler alert* All the bad guys got gunned down and the last scene ended with Denzel Washington, the anti-hero, taking the subway home and looking out the window.

We were probably better off watching Russell Crowe mumble his way through another movie. Or rewatching Taken: The Ultimate Parenting Guide.

by Daphne

seriously somewhat serious

When life gives you lemons…

June 15, 2009

hand-in-hand

I’m convinced that parenting is one of the toughest jobs in the world, and I’m not saying this just so I can gain sympathy points for how awesome I am. In fact, I think I’ve got it pretty easy. All things considered, Tru is one of the easiest babies in the world to take care of, so I really don’t have anything to whine about. But I’ve got mad respect for parents who make it despite having life treat them unfairly.

We brought Tru to Ikea for a walk last night to add some finishing touches to the nursery before Kirsten’s arrival. While we were making the rounds checking out baby stuff, I happened to see a little girl who literally made me stop in my tracks and I almost teared standing there in the middle of Ikea. She was about 3 years old, with pigtails and the sweetest smile a girl could have. One hand was holding a stuffed toy and the other was firmly tucked in her daddy’s arm. Then I noticed that that arm ended slightly above the wrist, and she had no fingers on that hand.

It didn’t stop her from smiling and skipping around. If you didn’t pay attention, you probably wouldn’t even notice the arm. Just standing there looking at her, I felt like holding her in my arms and crying. I looked at Tru and it seemed so terribly unfair. Kids don’t deserve to be born handicapped and parents don’t deserve to have their hearts broken every day of their lives at the injustice of it all.

Honestly, I don’t know if I have the capacity to handle it if one of my kids were born with some form of imperfection. It’s the parent’s job to shower them with extra love and care to make up for it, but I’m not sure if I have that much love to give in the first place. I’d probably cry everyday.

I look at parents who’s kid has Down’s or a hole in their heart or paraplegic and they seem to have a special capacity to love more than the average person. With the medical advancements available to us, doctors can detect signs of abnormality within the first trimester and it’s so much easier to opt for the easy way out, to terminate the pregnancy and try again. But some parents choose to take the road less travelled, to have the child and love him despite of how tough it’s going to be.

For some, it’s a lifetime of heartache, sacrifice and worry. Weird stares, whispers, taunts and tough questions become a daily staple. And yet they find it within them to smile and keep on going.

If you’re a mother who has such an experience or know of someone like that, I’d love to hear your story and read about your journey. You can post your comments here with your web address here if you have one or just email me at my Contact Me page.

by Daphne

getting ready for baby, lists you should paste on your fridge, stuff best described as not safe for parents

Labour Pain Relief Measures

June 12, 2009

Yesterday was one of my final few visits to the gynae. Kirsten is doing well. She says hi, but I shan’t bore you with more ultrasound pics that look exactly the same as the last one. Anyway, it was time to discuss my birthing plan and decide on pain management options during the labor.

When Tru was born, I didn’t have to go through the whole labor process. I was at the gynae’s office for a routine check in the morning and decided on that day to have the c-section at 5 in the evening. No bursting of water bag, no contractions, none of that drama that makes the whole process so exciting. The only thing even mildly interesting was the fact that I snuck out for a final decent meal despite being told that I wasn’t supposed to eat before the surgery. I couldn’t bear the thought of not having real food for the next month without any mental preparation.

The experience was rather sterile actually. I was given an epidural to numb the nerves from waist down (which HURT LIKE CRAZY) and after that, I pretty much just stared at the lights above the operating table while the OBGYN did his thing.

This time, I’m determined to go experience what it’s like to push a child out from my va-jay-jay and do the whole crazy woman scream with sweat pouring down my face thing. It’ll be so much more fun.

So the birthing plan goes like this. When the water bag bursts and I start contracting, I’m going to take a shower, wash my hair, grab some ice-cream, drop Tru at my mom’s place and then fly down to the hospital. The moment I get in, I’m start hollering for an epidural (when else can I get away with screaming at people just for the fun of it?) and demand for ice chips, magazines and my Nintendo DS. With the epi, it’s practically a walk in the park after that. I only hope I don’t poop on the table.

Props to the gynae for keeping a straight face when he heard my plan. And double props for actually agreeing to go along. He says it’s my delivery, I should get to do it my way, as long as I don’t insist on giving birth at home.

He did however, ask me to consider the various pain management options before I decide. So I’m considering.

and the greatest of these..is silent birth

1. Deep breathing.

Seriously. Deep breathing. The only way breathing is going to take away any pain is if I take a deep breath and hold it in forever. Then I might pass out and die and feel no pain. Other than that, deep breathing is rubbish. I did hear some new age, mind-over-matter techniques that can reduce pain. You’re supposed to take deep breaths, close your eyes and imagine your cervix opening up like a flower. Yeah, right.

2. Laughing gas.

its funny, i'm in so much pain but i don't seem to care?

There’s nothing funny about it though. The effect is like smoking weed – it makes you high and you can then actually imagine your cervix opening up like a flower. Or a butterfly. Or the mouth of a giant T-rex eating up half of Singapore. The thing is, some say it doesn’t actually block the pain, it just makes your brain a little fuzzy in the hope that the pain signals get all mixed up and gets sent to your big toe instead of your cerebral cortex. Except that when it doesn’t work, you end up being high and in a lot of pain. Not a good combination.

3. Epidural

the epidural needle, actual size

This is the only method that is guaranteed to take away the pain. But to administer the epidural hurts big time. They have to inject a tube into the spine in order to pump in the meds, so at the end of the day, it’s a matter of using pain to counteract the pain. But once it kicks in, you can practically chill out, have a cuppa and read a book while your cervix will take its time to open up like a flower without having to imagine it into existence.

I’ve got a fourth method which I’ve worked out with the husband. After I get to the hospital, he’s supposed to knock me out with a small dose of chloroform and pretend that I’m asleep while the doctor administers the epi. Once it’s all good, I’ll wake up and deliver Kirsten without any pain at all. We’re still in the process of determining the right amount of chloroform to use. The last trial run, I was out for 2 days, so we’ll probably have to dilute it a bit more.

Just make sure you don’t try this at home.

by Daphne

how i pretend to be a cool mum, lists you should paste on your fridge, techmama

Mama needs my iPhone

June 11, 2009

So have you heard? The latest iPhone 3G(S) is out in Singapore. Well, almost out, and I’m practically drooling. I love Steve Jobs so much I’d give him a nice juicy peck on the cheek if I ever meet the guy. Don’t worry, the husband will give him a giant slobbery kiss on the other side just to even things out a bit. It’s hailed as the fastest, most powerful iPhone ever, and I’m SOLD. It’s a world of ingenuity packed into a tiny little shiny package. Come to mama!

Now, you might be wondering, what does a stay home mom need an iPhone for anyway? The only people that ever call me can be counted with 3 fingers. But that’s where you’re wrong. Stay home moms need the iPhone way more than say, CEOs and fancypants executives in their Armani suits.

1. Video Recording

Nobody takes more pictures than mothers. Every moment is a milestone and I need to be able to whip out my video camera in an instant the moment Tru takes his first step or his first pee in the potty. Without an iPhone, I’d be scrambling for a large-ass video cam and by the time it’s ready, the moment would be gone. But now, all I need to do is point and click. Voila. I can even zoom in for a close-up of his pee-pee/ba-dang-dangs/ding-dongs (you know what I’m referring to) to complete my collection of embarrassing nude shots of Tru.

2. Awesome 3 megapixel camera.

Never mind that some phones from inferior brands come with a 10 megapixel camera with auto-face detection and optical zoom. The new iPhone 3G(S) has an entire megapixel up from the previous version (it’s a 50% improvement!). Hah, take that, suckers. I’m so glad I didn’t get the previous version. Now I can have crystal clear images while you outdated folks have fuzzy images that looks like part of the footage of Blair Witch Project.

3. GPS System

If I got a dollar for every time I got lost and had to pull over at the side of the road to struggle with the road directory, all the while having to contend with a restless kid, I’d be a millionaire by now. Well actually, I’d have $22, 852, but that’s practically like a million in imaginary terms. I’m cool getting lost when I’m out alone, but with 2 kids strapped behind, I need to get from point to point in the shortest time possible. So it’s down to having to drive at 200 km/h or get a trusty GPS. Yeah, I thought so.

4. Twitter on the go

With Tru like some sort of a mini celebrity, I’ve got to Twitter updates (see how hip i am to be using Twitter as a verb) of his daily goings-on to die-hard fans. With my lousy no-good O2 atom, every time I have to send out an sms, it’s such a pain I end up ignoring most of my messages and having folks think I’m totally unfriendly. Which I’m not. Wait till I get my hands on the iPhone, I’ll out-twitter Ashton Kutcher.

5. Voice Control

I need voice control way more than the average person. With Tru strapped to my back and Kirsten to my front, as well as a huge diaper bag, a blanket and a soft toy, I will not have enough hands to patiently poke numbers into my mobile phone. The only thing left is my mouth, and unless I can somehow master the art of poking in numbers with my tongue, voice activation sure comes in handy.

I have been fantasizing about the new iPhone ever since it got announced. Next to it, all other phones pale in comparison. In fact, it was so repulsive to me that I actually chucked the husband’s phone down the rubbish chute and he had to dig it out from the dump which was infested with creepy crawlies but to no avail and he almost got blinded by a killer roach. True story.

Just to make up for it, I might sacrifice my iPhone to atone for my mistake. Or maybe not.

by Daphne

kids inc

Boys and Twucks

June 10, 2009

I just brought Tru to Toys R’ Us the other day to pick out a new toy just for fun (I can’t help it, I’m gonna spoil my kids rotten). The look of delight on his face every time he goes to a toy store is too much of a high for me. It’s like how I felt when I first stepped into Disneyland (the Anaheim one) during Christmastime. The feeling of awe doesn’t go away and till this day, stepping into Disneyland is still a special experience.

Notice the grimace on the husband's face

Which explains why I dragged the husband by the hair running around like maniacs in Disneyland for 3 days during our honeymoon. When the kids start to walk, I’m going to make it an annual pilgrimage to spend a week in the happiest place in the world. And I’ll be like the coolest mom ever.

So back to the toy store. We were making our rounds trying to find a toy he liked. It’s called the toy test.

1. I’ll hold up a whole bunch of toys and see which one he grabs.

2. He’ll hold it closer to inspect it for a while.

3. If he likes it, he’ll clap his hands.

4. If not, it gets flung away.

I’ve tried various methods to influence his decision, like shake it while making funny sounds, or shoving it closer so he’ll want to grab it, but I’m telling you, this boy is too smart for his own good. At 12 months, he seems to know exactly what he wants.

The difference is, as rational, informed adults, we choose stuff based on the functions, design, price, branding and reliability. Kids, on the other hand, have no basis for their selection of stuff and they can be drawn to seemingly lame and useless toys just because it’s in their favorite color, or because it belts out irritating rhymes. Bizarre, I know.

As a parent, I’m resisting the urge to tell him the tacky, pink, giant rubber ball that costs $12.99 is stupid, and that he should pick an Optimus Prime robot that can transform into a cool trailer truck.

Anyway, after discarding like a whole trolley-full of toys, Tru finally settles on a Playskool dump truck with a giant meat ball that wobbles. I was still trying to hard-sell the Transformers toy but he was intent on getting his twuck and he grabbed on to it for dear life. Optimus Prime got smashed to the floor in the process but I have a feeling he’ll do just fine.

*Autobots, transform and roll out*

Dumb twuck

Now that Tru is in his cars and trucks phase, I’m amassing enough vehicles at home to start an automobile shop. I’m just waiting for the day he starts pestering us for an Audi TT. That’ll be fun.

by Daphne

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