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fries

kids inc

Labor Day

Was out with a couple of couply-parent friends over the long easter weekend and it has made me realize how life has changed with kids in the picture. I was hoping to challenge the cliche that life as we know it is over when kids arrive, and once in a while, it seems like there’s a glimmer of hope, but then it vanishes faster than a mirage in the Nevada desert.

It was the first time we’ve had an outing in months, and the original plan was to chill out at a decent cafe for a shot of coffee and some tiramisu like we used to back in the day. But now, instead of six young, hot singles, we were a party of six not-so-young, somewhat-frazzled parents with four (and a half) kids, three strollers, 2 diaper bags and a baby seat.

After standing in queue for 15 minutes, we thought we could squeeze into a 6-seater table tucked away at the back, but upon closer inspection, we decided there was no way we could have lasted five minutes in that cramped little space without being thrown out on our asses. So we decided to relocate (I’m sure I heard a sigh of relief from the nice lady at the cafe) to surprise, surprise, the Golden Arches.

Mackers was right down our alley, and we settled down comfortably, this time at a table actually meant for 10. The kids were certainly thrilled at the prospect of having french fries and chicken nuggets instead, and the distant call of Tiramisu was swiftly drowned out by the sound of screaming kids.
Straw-eating competition

Life is certainly different these days. But it’s not all bad. We used to pay $50 for an outing at a cafe, but at McDonalds, we even got paid for eating our fries and nuggets.

The kids got right to work cleaning the walls while we ate. I mean, they’ve got to learn to work for their supper in dire times like these. Besides, Chinese children are known for child labor. It’s our heritage, you see. We’ll send them to Nike by the time they turn 3.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98B-T955iE8

Ok, pardon the appalling quality of the vid, but to make up for it a little, there’s a running commentary from Superdad.

kids inc

The Low-Down on Chow-Down

The way I see it, when it comes to eating, there are three kinds of kids. The chickens, the hamsters and the sharks (pardon the analogy, it’s an occupational hazard).

The chickens are the colossally picky eaters. They’re not particularly fond of food and eating is merely for sustenance. They’re usually fine with french fries and ice-cream, but the moment you bring on the broccoli and peas, they’ll grab their heads and retch.

But you gotta give it to them, they’ve got an arsenal of vomit faces to convey their immense displeasure, ranging from “looking at this pile of goo makes my head throb” to “I’d rather die than swallow that”.
bleahh

Then there are the hamsters. They keep the food in their mouths like they’re storing up for winter and refuse to swallow. It would seem like they are eating a lot, since each mealtime takes an average of 3 hours. By the time they’re done with breakfast, it’s about time for lunch. And so on.

In fact, every day is like a never-ending meal punctuated with food of different temperatures.
built-in food pouches

Finally, there are the sharks. They’re the kind that grabs life by the horns and eats right through them. They eat anything and everything. It’s like feeding a bottomless pit, and they seem to be hungry all the time. When the food is too slow or too little, they bang their little hands and scream bloody murder.

“Give me food!” is their battle-cry, and when it doesn’t come, they know how to improvise.

Tru, he’s definitely a shark, and a pretty enterprising one at that. His favorite move is what I like to call the I’m-starving-please-feed-me-look, complete with doleful eyes and half-pout (surprisingly effective). When that fails, he progresses to the hand-banging and screaming (also surprisingly effective).

Recently, he’s acquired a new tactic. The sneak attack. When he know it’s something he can’t eat, (like cookies or chocolate) he’ll act all innocent and sneak up on you when you’re least expecting it. Then with one swift bite, he’ll grab the food right out from your hands and smirk like he’s real pleased with himself.

“Take that, mama!”

Then I look at the chickens and hamsters and I’m actually glad that I’ve got a shark.