kids inc, motherhood

Yet another post about how great my kids are. Also, I really miss Bubbles.

Before I became a mom, I used to hear other parents talk about how their newborn has such a sparkling personality and I would roll my eyes so far back into my head they would get lodged there for days. Seeing that all they do is drink milk and sleep, I’m pretty certain my pet hamster, Bubbles (God bless her soul) had more of a personality. That was until she got really old and she fell off the top storey of her massive apartment and her eye popped out and she lost the will to live. I spent my last $100 on her surgery and she died the next day but it all worked out because I was too heartbroken to eat for the rest of the month anyway.

And I wasn’t sure about the whole nature/nurture debate. I thought that a kid’s personality is largely shaped by the environment they grow up in, but then how do you explain the fact that siblings can grow up with the same parents and turn out completely different.

Now with 2 kids, I’m almost completely certain that a parent can only do so much and children are not as some claim, a blank canvas for parents to create a masterpiece on. They come out all perfectly packaged and the most we can do is add a couple of finishing touches here and there. So really, if my kids grow up to be brats, it’s got NOTHING to do with me.

Just take my kids for example. They are as different as they come. Tru is a hardcore adrenaline junkie. He needs to be entertained every second of every day and he can’t sit still even for a while. There’s a little voice inside his head telling him that life is too good to waste maintaining the status quo so he’s always out seeking for a new adventure. He’s also gotta be at the center of attention all the time.

When they're not looking, I'm going in head first

When they're not looking, I'm going in head first

Kirsten is a little more unassuming. Totally like me in that regard. She homely and likes her equilibrium maintained. And she’s happy to blend into the background while her brother demands all my attention. If she could talk, she’ll be all like, “It’s ok mom, you can hang out with Tru. I’ll just lie here and watch my mobile quietly. Then when I’m tired I’ll go to sleep on my own without fussing.” Not that she doesn’t like the attention. When she gets some quality alone time with mama, she beams and beams like it’s Christmas morning.

I like my bed

I like my bed

These days, I try to give them equal portions of my time but truth is, the bulk of it goes to Tru. I have to constantly make sure he’s not in any mortal danger because it is incredible how he can hurt himself with the most harmless objects like a a piece of tissue. He can stuff it into his ears or dip into the toilet bowl and then eat it or use it to strangle himself. It just blows my mind.

But I think they’re good for each other. Tru’s really gentle with Kirsten and he will kiss and pat her on the head when she’s upset. And you should see the look of adoration he gets from her. If they grow up to be best friends, I wouldn’t have much to complain about.

Funny or So I think, kids inc

I shouldn’t be allowed to talk to children

I really like talking to kids. It’s so different from talking to adults because there’s none of that being politically correct nonsense. They don’t beat around the bush and they say it like it is.

Then you grow up and start using euphemisms and double entendres and satire to say something that seems perfectly innocuous but it’s far nastier than just coming out and calling a spade a spade. And sometimes I get so sick of it that I’d much rather be spending my time talking to children. Also because they crack me up.

I have a friend’s kid who’s like the smartest 8-year-old I know. She’s like totally my kind of kid. Smart, witty and insanely hilarious.

Tru's best friends in the whole world

Tru's best friends in the whole world

The awesome thing about 8-year-olds is that they are old enough to really understand stuff and they don’t give two hoots about being politically correct.

Joie: Sometimes I wish I could be a boy. It’s tough being a girl.

Me: It’s fun to be a girl. You can do all sorts of girly stuff.

Joie: No, girls have to get pregnant and give birth. And boys just sit around and play computer games and drink coffee.

Me: Yeah, you’re right. It totally sucks to be a girl.

***

Joie: What are your favorite subjects in school?

Me: Well I liked Literature and a little bit of History. Not so good at Math.

Joie: I like dead bodies.

*stunned silence*

Me: You like what again?

Joie: You know, dead… like died?

Me: Why, why would that even be relevant to the conversation?

Joie: You get to cut up dead bodies.

Me: Ohhhhhhh, like in biology and pre-med. I guess that is kinda cool. You get to cut up frogs and hamsters.

Joie: Can I don’t cut up my hammie?

Me: I’m pretty sure that can be arranged.

***

Joie: Did you watch this show last week where the guy got trapped in the mountains and died and woke up after 4 days?

Me: Er, no. Is it like a true story?

Joie: Ya, it’s a true story. He was frozen and he really died. Then he came back to life after 4 days. And his brain wasn’t working.

Me: Like Jesus? Except that it was like 3 days instead of 4.

Joie: Not really like Jesus. Jesus wasn’t frozen, you know.

Me: Excellent point. Jesus is way cooler.

kids inc

I’m having an Easter Egg Hunt in the middle of October

The husband and I, we’re major scatterbrains. I attribute it to the fact that I was born three months premature and the doctor said I was probably going to be retarded. So it’s like a miracle that I managed to survive all these years without eating my own hair and I guess I can live with losing stuff now and then. The husband, he’s got no excuse because his brain is broken so I don’t really blame him for it either.

In the years that we’ve been together, we’ve lost phones, wallets, wedding rings, keys and countless other stuff. We’ve been locked out of our own house and car enough times that it has stopped being funny. It says a lot that I consider it a personal achievement that I haven’t lost my babies…yet.

Now that Tru is a little bigger, he’s not helping the cause because he has taken to hiding our stuff around the house like some great Easter Egg hunt. Not like we don’t have enough trouble finding them as it is. Usually, we just leave everything on the dining table and even though it’s a mess, it’s an organized mess because I know exactly where everything is (after some scrambling). But you see, that was before Tru started hiding our stuff.

And he doesn’t just leave them sprawling on the floor in plain sight. It’s all strategically hidden in places I would never have thought to look. It was funny at first like “what’s this potato doing in my underwear drawer?” but after a while, it’s not fun having to search for the house keys when guests have been standing outside twiddling their thumbs for 15 minutes.

I’ve narrowed down his favorite hiding places and the list is getting longer by the day.

1. In the tissuebox

2. In the trash bin

3. In his shoe

4. Under his bed

5. Under my bed

6. In various drawers around the house

7. In his car boot (One day, I’m going to destroy that car)

I’m trying to teach him to locate stuff instead of hiding them, but when I ask him where’s my credit card or iPhone, he grins and says “no”. (Whaddya mean no, young man?) Then he’ll toddle behind me and peer knowingly as I start panicking and scrambling to turn the house upside down.

I’m being mocked by a baby.