Baby Theo is back in the hospital for phototherapy treatment and I’m missing him more than I ever thought I could miss anyone. I’ve realised that the only way to keep my postnatal blues in check was holding my baby and feeling his little baby weight in my arms and breathing in his delicious baby smell and munching on his droopy baby cheeks. But now I can’t and it’s heartbreaking.
Out of the first 8 days of his life, he’s already spent 6 in the hospital…and counting.
Yesterday, when he was warded again, I was like one of those crazy mothers who refused to let go of my baby. I tried to hold him for as long as I could in a death grip while the nurse was trying to pry him from my arms looking completely bemused. After a while, she was like “I think you can put him down here and we’ll take care of him.”
Finally I did and I figured I’d lurk around to watch him from outside the nursery, to just be there, you know, even though my presence was pretty much unnecessary. But the curtains were drawn shut and I think the nurse felt very sorry for me so she tried to usher me towards the lift, like “it’s ok, you can go now, don’t worry, we’ll call you if there are any updates.”
I put on a brave face, like, “I think I’ll just stay here for a little bit” but then as she wheeled my baby in for treatment and the door closed behind her, I immediately burst into tears, like a full on emo meltdown.
Not one of my finer moments, bawling my eyes out like he was being sold into slavery.
My regular brain says that I’m being melodramatic – it’s not a big deal and he’s going to be ok but my hormonal mommy brain says that I need my baby and every minute of not having him makes my everywhere hurt.
Sigh, I miss this face so much.
32 Comments
awwwwwww. Does he have very bad jaundice? Is that why he has to go thru phototherapy in the hospital? =( *hugs*
Yeah his jaundice levels are really high. all 3 kids had it too but his is made worse by his g6pd deficiency.
I understand this feeling Daphne! But before you know it, this episode will pass and you’ll have your baby with you 24/7. Hang in there! God’s looking after lil Theo…
Thanks! Praying that he can come home really soon, even the kids miss him
Can feel your pain. Stay strong for him as you need your strength to carry and feed him when he’s out. And he will be out in no time!
Hope so!!
Hi! Is there an option for you to rent the phototherapy lamp and do the theraphy at home? We did that for our baby eons ago and it was such a blessing! Check iit out with your pediatrician!
Serious?? I had no idea that was an option! Thanks, will check with the pd tomorrow, I’m definitely renting it if I can..
Yes- we rented one as well and had it in our sons crib. It was so much better than being in the hospital! It was still hard not to be able to hold him, but at least he was home.
How does he nurse without you around? Can you rent the Bilibed? We did that with Ryan. Can ask the paed!
I’ve been expressing milk to bring down to the hospital every morning, and then I hang around to take 1-2 feeds but he’s been refusing to nurse because of the bottle feeds, it’s depressing on so many levels.. Will check on renting the bilibed, that would be a lifesaver.
Hi Daphne,
I feel you… My second twin was in the hospital for one month all by herself… I cried myself silly when I saw her with all the tubes sticking out of her tiny body… But I guess it was for the better.. Stay strong mumny
Awww man that sounds rough! You’re really strong to have gone through that
Reading this brought me back to the days when I had to discharge without my twins cause they need phototherapy. It was heartbreaking.
I did think of hanging around all day and night to be there for him and I’d totally have done it but there are these 3 other monkeys I have to be around for, plus it’s a crazy idea.
Awww hugs. I know what you mean! I was in tears too, when the PD said Noah might have to be warded for his jaundice. Try renting the phototherapy bed back? That way, you can have him at home with you instead.
Yeah I’ll try that!
Oh no… I know how that feels… Just that I was the one who was warded instead cause of postpartum haemorrage and I had to be hospitalized and apart from my baby. It was just one night and I was already crying my eyes out… I hope theo discharge soon!! Be strong! It will get better! *hug*
Oh man, that must have been tough! I think the toughest part is not being there for them and feeling so helpless. Thanks! Really hope he comes home soon..
You can request the nurses in the nursery to cup feed him with BM instead of bottle.
Tried that.. But he hated drinking from the cup and it took forever so they ended up giving him the bottle.
My 4th kid had to be hospitalized for his bad jaundice too! Was tempted to rent the phototherapy bed too but the PD said staying in the hospital was better for monitoring. I could not bear to leave him alone in the hospital so what I did was I requested for a bed for myself there and his phototherapy bed was right next to my normal bed. It was very bright though! Had to block the light with some cloth so that I could sleep. I nursed him round the clock and had to supplement with formula as my milk had not come in to flush out the bilirubin. After 1.5 days at Thomson, his jaundice reduced enough for him to be discharged. 加油 Baby Theo!
Yeah mine said the same thing – they needed to take his blood test every morning to check his levels. He’s back home now but if his jaundice goes back up again, I’ll consider renting the bilibed.
Take a look at http://thebabyspecialist.com.sg/pcategory/home-phototherapy-devices-for-neonatal-jaundice/
My boy was also warded… I didn’t know we could rent these things!
Why do I not know this??!! Thanks for sharing though :)
Aww, it’s tough to be away from your baby! We rented from the babyspecialist.com too. Recommended by pd. We had to keep bring baby back to get the levels checked every few days though. Mine had breast milk jaundice so it lasted a long time!
He’s finally out!! We’ll be back again to check his levels in a couple of days, hope it stays down!
I rented one of those phototherapy devices for one week. It was very heartbreaking to be the person to ignore the baby’s cries and leave her in the bright bed, the baby loves to be cuddled, but we got to leave the baby in there for many hours to sleep in there, otherwise the treatment is not effective.
Yeah that’s really heartbreaking. :( But if he’s at home, at least we can hold him at regular intervals, which helps a little bit.
Poor mummy and baby Theo! Hang in there! He will be home soon and it will be back to mayhem – the crazy and fun kind :)
Thanks!! He’s finally back home and mayhem is restored!
Hi Daphne.
Dun worry too much…my son was in Kkh nursery for 2 weeks due to his g6pd def so I understand how u feel.glad Theo has been discharged… Do monitor him but I think once the jaundice lvl hit a low it’s considered safe le