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Gynaes – Male or Female?

clooney ER

the doctor will see you now

I never quite put much thought into the whole male/female gynae issue. Maybe because female gynaes are severely outnumbered, I just decided to go with a male one (who’s pushing 70 I think). At first, I was definitely uncomfortable with the idea that some random dude would be well-acquainted with certain body parts, but then again, having some random chick do it is just as bad.

I have friends whose husbands will not let them go to a male gynae. As if he’s going to pull a fast one and try some monkey business. Ok, seriously, it’s not a pretty sight, and these gynaes are looking at body parts all day. I doubt they are going to pay much attention unless you happen to have some unusually large growth attached to your ass.

Even then, that’s not hot.

Good thing the husband was around for all the gynae visits, so it mostly felt like I was some specimen on display. There would be the gynae, the husband and 2 nurses standing around while I was being poked and prodded.

And of course the delivery was the absolute worst. I swear I have no sense of modesty left. In total, there were at least 10 people bustling around in the operating theater while I was sliced open like a piece of meat. I was too stoned from the epidural to care, but on retrospect, it does put everything into perspective. All I cared about was getting the baby out and then getting all sewn up nicely.

That was just the c-section experience. I hear that during vaginal delivery, all that pushing makes u defecate all over the delivery bed in front of a whole bunch of strangers. The thought of it alone is too embarrassing for words, which is why I’m going to stop eating 2 days before my EDD. I don’t mind the slicing, but I draw the line at crapping my guts out on the table. I mean, just think about the smell.

But that’s the thing. For those guys, it’s just their job. Some folks work with computers and some work with vaginas. At the end of the day, it’s all the same. Except more gross, I guess. I really feel sorry for the nurses that have to clean up after the whole debacle is over. Till this day, just cleaning my son’s ass is enough to make me regurgitate (I totally can’t keep a straight face).

Anyhow, I don’t know if there’s a difference between male and female gynaes cos all the ones I’ve tried so far are guys who are so old I’m surprised they can hold a scalpel with steady hands. Do the poll below -in favor of  dudes/chicks checking out your itsy bits? and I’d love to hear if you’ve got a weird experience with either.

 [poll id=4]

Funny or So I think, lists you should paste on your fridge, pregnancy, sexytime, stuff best described as not safe for parents

Birth induction methods you may (not) want to try


a glass of wine may help

It was exactly this time during my first pregnancy that I gave birth to Tru. 38 weeks on the dot. But that was a c-section so I could pick an auspicious date to give birth. Waiting for the contractions to kick in is totally different. I feel so powerless. I’ve got my baby bag and all the baby stuff all ready and packed and it’s like waiting for Santa Claus to appear on Christmas eve. The anticipation is killing me. It’s my control-freak nature kicking in and I  just need to know exactly when it’s gonna happen.

Apparently for VBAC, a medical induction of labor increases the chance of womb rupture so it’s off limits. But I hear there are a few ways to induce birth and give the baby a little push as it were. It’s called ripening the cervix (it’s true!)

1. Acupuncture

It’s a tried and tested method by the Chinese and it’s supposed to be highly effective. Back when women used to bind their feet and slice off their pinkies, they realized that somehow jabbing a bunch of needles into various parts of the body triggers the contractions. It’s ingenious, don’t you think?

But seeing that pain avoidance is one of my life’s goals, acupuncture is in my list of Top 10 things NOT to do before I die (along with bungee jumping and eating fire).

2. Castor Oil

It’s a quick and painless method. Just take a few spoonfuls of it neat and wait a few minutes for it to take effect. It’s primarily a laxative, so there’s that nasty side effect where you lose all control of your bowels and start crapping involuntarily. It’s probably good if you hate the gynae/nurse and want to use it as a way to give them nightmares for days.

There’s no guarantee that it will work though, so you may just end up with a severe case of diarrhea.

3. Walking

This sounds pretty harmless. How it works is that it puts pressure on the cervix, causing it to dilate. Anyway it’s the kind of thing you can try without worrying about nasty side effects.

4. Nipple Stimulation

Touted as one of the most effective methods of natural induction, it’s definitely one of the most wildly popular. Mostly because no dude will turn down an invitation to engage in some nipple stimulation – “Boom-chica-wow-wow”.

But seriously, this causes a release of oxytocin, which causes contractions and lead to labor. (See, I’m not a total airhead, I actually know words like oxytocin)

5. Sexytime

As they say, what gets it in also gets it out. (who says that kind of thing anyway?) This is the next most popular method of birth induction, following closely behind the nipple stimulation.

The difference is, while most women are willing to tolerate some mild discomfort to the boobs, certain invasive methods at 38 weeks of pregnancy are too much of a hassle. There’s also the whole foreplay thing to contend with, and by the time there’s any action, you’re way too exhausted for the time to be the least bit sexy. And the focus is to get something out of there, not put something in, if you get what I mean.

I suppose the best thing to do is to sit around and wait till the baby is good and ready to come out. There’s a Chinese saying that goes something like “When the fruit is ready, it will fall off the vine”. Meaning that there’s no point rushing nature, cos all you’re going to end up with is an unripe fruit. Don’t ask me what that means. It’s too deep for my 38-week-pregnant brain.

If it’s up to me, Kirsten will be born on the 4th of July. So who knows, there might be some serious action on the 3rd. Woohoo!