i embarrass myself sometimes, stuff best described as not safe for parents

When your car smells like a boot, something fishy is going on

During our honeymoon, we rented a car and drove from LA to SF to Tahoe to Vegas and back to LA again. By the time we returned our PT Cruiser, it was filthy like you wouldn’t believe. In fact, we were so grossed out we started calling it dirtbag halfway through the trip. Note to self: melted snow does not mix well with all that desert sand. That was just the exterior though. It was still cosy and clean inside, which was the more important thing I suppose.

When we got back home, I thought there was no way our car could ever get that dirty again. I thought wrong.

Because this thing called kids, they’re compulsive little mess-makers. It’s like they *want* to live in a shanty town and so they try their hardest to turn my house into a refugee slum trailer trash shack.

Did I say house? I also meant car.

And every little inch of clean space I own.

Just the other day, we were on our way to pick the husband up from work. I was carrying a kid in each hand, digging for my elusive car keys with my elbows/teeth and when I finally managed to get the door open, I nearly passed out from the smell that was coming out from the inside. Something smelt fishy, and I don’t mean it as a metaphor. To be more specific, it was like all the fish in the Singapore River crawled into my car and died there.

Believe me, I’ve had my fair share of foul smells coming from the car (there’s something about the sun’s heat and moist, enclosed areas that make things rot at an alarming rate) and I have a pretty high tolerance for weird odors but holy cow, that was about the most awful smell ever. I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

Even though my arms were about to give way, I stood there for a while, trying to decide if I should attempt to brave imminent death and enter the fish mausoleum. I drew in a huge gasp of air, strapped them both in and started to search for the dead fish. Except that I had to dig through a giant pile of scattered toys. Covered in dried bread pieces and drizzled with sticky, gooey pastes. I swear I saw something move, so I decided to leave whatever monstrosity that was buried underneath all that rubble the hell alone.

Remind me again why I allow my kids to bring food into the car. Oh yes, because food was the only thing that made them stop screaming during those hour-long car rides.

Now I’m paying the price for those hours of (relative) peace and quiet. With mysterious fish carcasses.

I’m pretty sure this means my life sucks.

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  • Reply Jayne June 17, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    haha.. sounds like our car too. The other day one of them puked purple yakult mixed with sausages and bread all over himself and the car and for a while I contemplated sending the car for a car wash with the kids strapped to their car seats. My life sucks too. haha.
    Jayne´s last post ..World Cup Fever

    • Reply Daphne June 18, 2010 at 10:00 pm

      @Jayne, Car washes are great for the exterior but its what what lies beneath that really is the problem, haha. I know some petrol kiosks provide vacuuming services but I think if they saw what was inside they may actually pay ME to do it.

  • Reply Jus June 17, 2010 at 11:08 pm

    Ergh… That reminds me of the time our boy threw up all over the car seat and himself while we were on the North-South highway, and I couldn’t take him out since it wasn’t safe and the next rest stop was quite far away… I guess kids=mess=stinky… They didn’t ask about the smell?
    Jus´s last post ..Thankful Tuesdays: Thoughts on tiredness

    • Reply Daphne June 18, 2010 at 10:03 pm

      @Jus, You mean what, the kids? I think they’re immune to it already.

      It’s funny how you and Jayne had the mess because your kids threw up – at least that’s a perfectly valid excuse! Mine, I don’t know what else to say…

  • Reply jaime June 18, 2010 at 9:33 am

    ah! the husband is STRICT! and i mean strict when it comes to food in the car! but i had the fish mausoleum once before and it was really a fish carcass! What happened was we made a trip to bottletree park and caught for ourselves half a dozen of those little fishes in the “longkang” fishing pond and took them away in a little tank with a top that is not completely covered. I was driving and I think I braked a wee bit too hard once and the tank nearly toppled. My mil thought she caught it in time but alas without realising one little fish has been spilled onto the floor. So you can imagine the next day, when we opened the car door, WHEW! the STENCH! the decomposed fish body!
    jaime´s last post ..Red Lorry, Yellow Lorry and Ahoy! Me Hearties!

    • Reply Daphne June 18, 2010 at 10:05 pm

      @jaime, OK you win. Seriously.

      Well at least it was a LITTLE fish…

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