not feeling so supermom, stuff best described as not safe for parents

Toilet Training – fun times

All my life, I’ve always preferred vaginas to penises. Wait, let me clarify that. What I meant was that I’ve always preferred HAVING a vagina than a penis. Not that I’ve ever had a penis for comparison but it’s just that I’ve never wanted to have one.

Like we can sit cross-legged for hours without squashing any sensitive bits. There’s no obstruction when we wear pants. And no need to worry that it’s too big or too small because I’ve never seen women fuss about the size of their lady parts. Also, penises seem to itch a lot more. Why else do dudes always have a need to scratch/adjust/grab their junk in public?

Except for when it comes to toilet training.

Boys have an inherent advantage in the peeing department, so much so that it’s starting to make me a little envious. When boys pee, they just need to follow the 5 Step Rule – whip it out, aim it, fire it, shake it off and put it back.

Girls, on the other hand, are a nightmare to toilet train.

When Kirsten did her first pee in the toilet bowl, she wanted to do it standing “like kor kor”. I told her it was impossible unless she wanted it to end up all over her legs. The only way to do it was to have full-on butt contact with the toilet seat, which is fine at home but very tricky in public toilets.

One time we were at a coffeeshop and the moment she walked into the toilet, she was all “EWWW SO GROSS. Mommy you wash it.”


I’d do a lot of things for the kids, like donate a kidney or a retina, but there has to be a line and from where I stand, that line is scrubbing a pee-stained public toilet with my bare hands in preparation for contact with her royal bottom.

We settled on a compromise of a half-squat where I had to prop up her thighs in mid-air and she basically peed all over my hands.

And then there’s the wiping, which is an art form in itself. It has got to be done right – front to back, with a double-folded 2-ply square of toilet paper in order to cover the right amount of surface area. Because you can’t shake dry or air dry a vagina.

So you’d think that after all that trouble, the actual peeing would be a breeze. With Truett, the downside is the aiming issue which does take a bit of target practice to perfect, so I was expecting that Kirsten would at least be able to pee straight into the toilet bowl without any fuss.

Um, not quite.

For some reason, she’s got a special skill which allows her to pee up into the air like a fountain while sitting on the toilet bowl. Instead of going down and in like most regular people, it goes up and out onto the floor. It’s quite a remarkable talent and I couldn’t believe my eyes the first time I witnessed it. I’m just not big on having to wash my toilet several times a day.

Long story short, she’s physically capable of (attempting) to pee in a toilet bowl but I’m reluctant to take her off pull ups because let’s face it, it’s so much easier just changing diapers.

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  • Reply Emily June 21, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    Haha! This is so funny. Prior reading your post, I have no idea how tough it is to toilet-train a girl cos I don’t have one. Toilet-training my son has been a breeze to me, like you said, the 5 Step Rule! Simple as that!

    Sometimes, he is naughty and he insists to pee like a girl. He squats down, pee, shakes it off, pull-up his pants and voila! Done with no mess.

    I suggest you bring Kirsten to the step-toilet next time (the squating type). There will be no contact with the toilet bowl. :)
    Emily´s last post ..Let’s Go to the Safari at Changi!

    • Reply Marie June 21, 2012 at 3:21 pm

      Oh and I usually line the public toilet seats and carry dettol wet wipes with me… in case got no tissue paper :(

      • Reply Daphne June 22, 2012 at 11:46 am

        Yeah I do the toilet seat lining too. And if they don’t have proper toilet liners, I do it with 2 layers of toilet paper.

        But some coffeeshop toilets are too gross to line. Even I’d rather pee in a diaper than have to do it there.

        • Reply Marie June 25, 2012 at 9:31 am

          I’m very careful not to make a face, when she see my ‘ew, gross face’ she refuses to pee. Line, no line, dettol wipes…she will not go.
          I should teach her to squat and pee… hmmm.
          Marie´s last post ..It’s Monday and I feel like Death

    • Reply Daphne June 22, 2012 at 11:43 am

      Oh there will be no squatting with this one. I tried the squatting ones too and she shrieked like there was no tomorrow. She refused and kept saying she was going to fall in.

  • Reply Audrey June 21, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Yeah, I agree, squat toilets sound like a good idea for her in public :)! Or disposable toilet seat covers?

    I’m toilet training my 2.5yo boy too and we are currently squat-peeing in drains all around Singapore, lol! He thinks it’s the coolest thing to do.

    Sure beats coffeeshop toilets, eeeewww! ( passes you more wet wipes)

    • Reply Daphne June 22, 2012 at 11:47 am

      LOL Kirsten refuses to pee in public too, she’s very modest that way. Truett though, does it at trees, bushes, drains…

  • Reply Marie June 21, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Well think about all the money you save and the environment :P. I never had to and never will have to toilet train a boy so I can’t compare but toilet training wasn’t too bad, she took a lil more effort to poo cos people were telling her that crap was smelly, gross, etc etc and she was so scared to poo in her potty. Anyways, one year on and we’re gonna drop her night time diaper and OMG I cannot wait!! But I have another kid waiting in the wings, wail.

    • Reply Daphne June 22, 2012 at 11:48 am

      Excellent point! Let me know how your second one goes. :)

  • Reply Katriina June 21, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    I have two girls, so I’ve never known the ease of toilet-training a boy! One tip with the pee fountain – if you encourage her to lean over (forwards) a bit when she pees, the stream will head in the right direction. Maybe a bit tricky when you’re trying not to make contact with the toilet seat, though!
    For me, the challenge always was finding a toilet when it was needed. A lot of parks in Finland don’t have public toilets. It’s fine when it’s summer and you can just go behind a tree (though you have to have super upper-body strength to hold a jack-knifed toddler at arm’s length and clear of tickly grass and stuff while she does her thing) but one time my 2 y o needed to pee when it was -5 degrees. She had a diaper on (I had planned ahead) but refused to pee in it on the grounds of being a big girl. I ended up stripping off three layers of pants and letting her pee in the snow like a dog, her little bare bum turning blue. Not my finest moment!

    • Reply Daphne June 22, 2012 at 11:51 am

      OMG that’s hilarious. I can’t imagine having to do it in the snow. At least the stream doesn’t freeze in midair like it happens in those cartoons.

  • Reply Elaine June 21, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    I’m so glad to hear that you’re still sort-of toilet training Kirsten because I’m very reluctant to start the process for the same reason – its just more convenient to change diapers. I actually have a more difficult issue (to me) than fountain pee – my girl poops standing up, does that mean I have to let her stand on the seat and watch the poop drop three feet into the toilet bowl?? And that is if it doesn’t come out in a projectile motion, which all mums know babies are capable of doing, not sure about toddlers… It all sounds like a nightmare to me!
    Elaine´s last post ..Children I don’t even know the names of

    • Reply Daphne June 22, 2012 at 11:52 am

      She used to only poop while standing up in diapers too but the transition to sitting on the toilet bowl was relatively easy. If her legs are strong enough she can try the squatting ones

  • Reply Jasmine Koh June 21, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    This was so hilarious! I love your honest funny writing. Just felt I had to stop by and tell you!!

    • Reply Daphne June 22, 2012 at 11:52 am

      Thanks Jasmine! :)

  • Reply Eileen June 21, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    Really? Didn’t quite have this problem with my 3yo gal except coffeshop toilet. I will carry her, lift up her both legs, buttock above toilet seat, better to be sit position so that the pee can go straight into bowl… Can picture that? May sound funny n awkward, but it works… Try.. :)

    • Reply Daphne June 22, 2012 at 11:54 am

      Hahaha sounds like a very high-level manoeuvre that might backfire on me but I’ll try it the next time I’m desperate

  • Reply Bun Bun Makeup Tips June 22, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Her special skill will come in handy when traveling! If her pee can flow upwards, then maybe she can try doing it standing? Like kor kor?
    Bun Bun Makeup Tips´s last post ..I’m Involved In Singapore NDP 2012!

    • Reply Daphne June 22, 2012 at 11:55 am

      Oh no, it only goes upwards when she’s sitting. When she’s standing, it ends up all over her legs…very bad.

  • Reply Mamapumpkin June 22, 2012 at 8:48 am

    I used to carry a portable foldable kid’s potty from Mothercare. It’s small and you can slip it into your bag. It comes with disposable plastic liners to hold the pee which you then chuck into the toilet. I also used to carry 2 towels in the stroller whenever we went out. One to wipe her up if necessary and the other, a rag to clean up the book store (or any other) floor should an accident happen!

    • Reply Daphne June 22, 2012 at 11:56 am

      Yeah good idea! Although I do like to travel light, so I’d rather just pack a couple of pull ups and be done with it

  • Reply smurf June 22, 2012 at 9:45 am

    hey, my girl has the same problem too. the urine spray upwards right? hahahaha…

    the maid figured it out by making her sit right to the end of the toilet bowl. back upright and legs open up… that seems to do the trick for us..

    • Reply Daphne June 22, 2012 at 11:58 am

      Hahah cool I’ll definitely try this out…

  • Reply Jean June 22, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    I always carry a pack of wet wipes when I’m out with the girls because I have issues about public toilets. If I’m taking the girls to the toilet, I make sure that I sanitise the seat thoroughly before they sit down.

    I have an issue about kids peeing in public places like bushes and drains when there are toilets nearby, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.

  • Reply Seow Ying June 25, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    My gals too would scream their heads off if I am to force them to pee in a dirty public toilet, ESP one that is the standard of east coast park or some old kopitiam which are dark, wet n stinky! That’s when I envy the boys too like u, haha!
    But once my gals were toilet trained, they would choose the most “opportune” time to pee like every 5 mins? Imagine this when u r in a park, watching a movie, shopping etc. that’s when I wish I could go back in time where I could stuff a diaper on their butts without all these hassles!

  • Reply Jaime Chan June 26, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    agree..n boys are just pee into bottles etc if emergency calls for it…

    and girls cant..i dont really look forward to toilet training the girl at all..

    and having to need to prop her against in the adult toilet bowl when outside…

  • Reply Estelle Kiora June 28, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Great post! You’re a fantastic blogger/storyteller!

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