All my life, I’ve always preferred vaginas to penises. Wait, let me clarify that. What I meant was that I’ve always preferred HAVING a vagina than a penis. Not that I’ve ever had a penis for comparison but it’s just that I’ve never wanted to have one.
Like we can sit cross-legged for hours without squashing any sensitive bits. There’s no obstruction when we wear pants. And no need to worry that it’s too big or too small because I’ve never seen women fuss about the size of their lady parts. Also, penises seem to itch a lot more. Why else do dudes always have a need to scratch/adjust/grab their junk in public?
Except for when it comes to toilet training.
Boys have an inherent advantage in the peeing department, so much so that it’s starting to make me a little envious. When boys pee, they just need to follow the 5 Step Rule – whip it out, aim it, fire it, shake it off and put it back.
Girls, on the other hand, are a nightmare to toilet train.
When Kirsten did her first pee in the toilet bowl, she wanted to do it standing “like kor kor”. I told her it was impossible unless she wanted it to end up all over her legs. The only way to do it was to have full-on butt contact with the toilet seat, which is fine at home but very tricky in public toilets.
One time we were at a coffeeshop and the moment she walked into the toilet, she was all “EWWW SO GROSS. Mommy you wash it.”
WHAT?? HELL TO THE NO.
I’d do a lot of things for the kids, like donate a kidney or a retina, but there has to be a line and from where I stand, that line is scrubbing a pee-stained public toilet with my bare hands in preparation for contact with her royal bottom.
We settled on a compromise of a half-squat where I had to prop up her thighs in mid-air and she basically peed all over my hands.
And then there’s the wiping, which is an art form in itself. It has got to be done right – front to back, with a double-folded 2-ply square of toilet paper in order to cover the right amount of surface area. Because you can’t shake dry or air dry a vagina.
So you’d think that after all that trouble, the actual peeing would be a breeze. With Truett, the downside is the aiming issue which does take a bit of target practice to perfect, so I was expecting that Kirsten would at least be able to pee straight into the toilet bowl without any fuss.
Um, not quite.
For some reason, she’s got a special skill which allows her to pee up into the air like a fountain while sitting on the toilet bowl. Instead of going down and in like most regular people, it goes up and out onto the floor. It’s quite a remarkable talent and I couldn’t believe my eyes the first time I witnessed it. I’m just not big on having to wash my toilet several times a day.
Long story short, she’s physically capable of (attempting) to pee in a toilet bowl but I’m reluctant to take her off pull ups because let’s face it, it’s so much easier just changing diapers.