This is it. Seriously, like this is the end of it.

I really hope it is

I am a child of the 80’s and there’s one thing that unites us children of the 80’s. That’s MJ. I was rocking out to Billie Jean as a kid and Heal the World *always* made me cry. It was the first song I ever performed on stage and I remember singing my heart out because I really meant to do my part for you and for me and the entire human race. Before I was old enough to understand plastics and pedophilia, there was a time where MJ was the epitome of all things awesome and cool.

Then the sizzle kinda fizzled and maybe I grew up. Or maybe he stopped being cool. But the magic was gone and the record got shoved to be back of my cd rack.

But it still is MJ and imdb gave the show a review of 7.6 (I’m going to have a word with you about that, imdb) so we spent our Sunday afternoon watching This is it. A Sunday afternoon I could have spent shopping, or taking a walk by the beach, or having a Toffee Nut latte, or even watching (500) Days of Summer. (which I will watch once the DVD is out)

I want my money (and my Sunday afternoon) back, Kenny Ortega, because it is exactly the kind of show I could have watched on Youtube. Not even on a DVD, because that’s how bad the production quality is. Ok, I know you probably made a loss on the sold out comeback tour but that is not an excuse to chop up footage from the rehearsal, piece it together on Final Cut Pro and pass it off as a feature film. That is not cool, Kenny. I have watched High School productions that have more effort.

I know that it’s not a full dress rehearsal, and I’m all for rehearsing in comfort because I overslept and had no time to comb my hair, but tell me I did not just spend 2 hours of my life watching an extended faux-MV with a dude in bed hair and PJs.

This is probably where I get hate mail from MJ fans who *loved* the film and would intend to watch is another 20 times in the cinema to try to recapture the magic. I hate to break it to you, but THE MAGIC IS GONE, fellas. He was trying to conserve his voice, so you’re getting ripped off on the singing bit, and his backup dancers are bringing more booty than he is. He’s still got the crotch-grabbing part down pat, I’ll give you that, but I am not sitting through a two-hour snorefest just to watch him grab his crotch, if you know what I mean.

I am going to stop dissing the show now because I don’t want to get any anthrax in the mail. Unless you are intending to send me some MJ memorabilia (I want the Beatles collection), then please send it to my home address.

But seriously, I’m not taking anything away from the man. Tru will rock out to Smooth Criminal and learn the moonwalk, but it’s just sad that folks are mercenary enough to squeeze out every last cent from his life. Even after he’s gone, they’re still finding new ways to jump onto the Michael bandwagon.

People are probably too nice to make a big deal out of it because it’s like going to a funeral and watching a vid they put together, which under normal circumstances would make you dig out your eyes, but since he’s already dead, you sit through it and pretend to observe a moment of silence while you actually fall asleep. Then afterwards, you’re supposed to dab your eyes and talk about how awesome it is. It’s called respect, I know.

Just don’t make me pay for it.

UPDATED: This, this is what I’m talking about. This is what makes your heart skip a beat and your skin tingle. This is magic.