kids in motion

Exclusive: Manchester United signs Arsenal superstar

We interrupt normal programming to bring you some breaking news.

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Turns out that Fernando Torres’ shocking move to Chelsea from Liverpool is not the biggest transfer news this January window. While angry Liverpool fans are still burning Torres jerseys at Anfield and sticking needles in little floppy-haired effigies, the attention has turned to even more shocking news.

Arsenal prodigy Truett Kao who just signed a 5-year contract with the Gunners last summer has made a move to Premier League rivals Manchester United. His mother was evidently thrilled, citing the move as a “big step up in his career”. “He’s moving from 2nd to 1st place in the Premier League, I’d call that an upgrade anytime,” she said.

He also added a new middle name after his favorite player, so he will now be called Truett Rooney Kao. His father, a diehard Arsenal fan, says it’s a ridiculous name, preferring Van Persie but even he admits that Truett Van Persie Kao Kai Xuan sounds exactly like the kind of kid everyone wants to beat up. Nobody has 6 names, aight?

Seeing that he’s cup-tied for the Champions League, he’ll be sitting out the match against Marseille but he’s expected to start against bitter rivals Manchester City this weekend. Which is why he is spending his time doing drills and improving his already fancy footwork with his new Red Devils ball.

United boss Sir Alex Ferguson expects his latest signing to add a new attacking threat to his team of superstars. “He’s got a superb scoring ability, he’s fast and makes excellent passes. He’s been on our radar for the last few months and we’re pleased to have him.”

Meanwhile, at the Arsenal camp, Arsene Wenger has taken 0.01% of his profits from selling the player to sign new youngster Kirsten Kao (who happens to be Truett’s sibling, no less) for a price of only $2,000. “Ve are very happy to have zis new player and she holds ze record for being ze youngest ever Arsenal player. For now, she needs to lose some weight and work on her fitness. Hopefully, she can do well but if not, ve can sell her for maybe $50,000 and it vill be a good profit for Arsenal.”

According to insiders, even though the 2 siblings are now playing for different teams, they still maintain a very close relationship, often training together in their hometown of Singapore.

They have a common understanding that on the pitch, family alliances will have to take a backseat as they try to challenge for silverware but off the pitch, it is amazing that these 2 remain the tightest of friends.

PS I’ve just added a portfolio page with some recent work. That’s the work I do in between diaper changes and baby snuggles, right after I cook, clean and chauffeur.

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16 Comments

  • Reply atiqah February 11, 2011 at 10:19 am

    nice one! man u fans are elated with the news and we welcome young rooney into the club… (:

    • Reply Daphne February 11, 2011 at 1:18 pm

      man u fan hi five!

  • Reply Cynthia February 11, 2011 at 10:29 am

    Haha…That’s funny…My husband is a die hard fan of Arsenal. Where did you get those kids’ jersey? My husband is dying to dress our son in Arsenal jersey for some ball kicking time.

    • Reply Daphne February 11, 2011 at 1:47 pm

      The Arsenal jersey was Tru’s first birthday present. I think you can get it from Queenstown or Peninsula, even comes with those knee-high socks!

  • Reply Kam February 11, 2011 at 10:44 am

    Wahahahaha!

  • Reply alexis February 11, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    love that sweet photo of both of them!

  • Reply Kelvin February 11, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    EXCLUSIVE: New Manchester United signing claims he was forced to leave

    New Manchester United midfielder Truett Kao has revealed that he was being forced to leave Arsenal by his former agent and mother Daphne Ling.

    Truett had only recently signed a new deal with Arsenal and sent shockwaves throughout the footballing world when he announced that he was leaving Arsenal for a club record $20mil – the highest ever paid for a toddler. Daphne reportedly pockets anywhere from $1.5mil to $2mil from this transaction alone, and allegedly registered for an apartment in Hollywood Hills on the same day the transfer was completed.

    “I dun wan go to Manchester United. I like Arsenal,” Truett said to the Telegraph.

    On their part, Manchester United has a history of tapping up young players and worse, sending them into career oblivion with its poor track record of developing players.

    Truett’s father, Kelvin Kao, expressed his concerns over the move.

    “Everybody knows that Manchester United is a club on the descent, not to mention the debt they’ve been piling up over the years.”

    “Of course I am proud that my son can command such a fee at a young age but leaving Arsenal, a club that plays stunning football and is on track for four trophies this season is rather mind-boggling to me.”

    Reports have arose in the past hours that Daphne Ling has been sacked as his agent amidst conflicts regarding the expenditure on the agent fee. Truett is said to have requested for $20.00 for ice-cream cones and kiddy rides but was flat out rejected by her agent/mother.

    Arsenal manager Wenger lamented, ” Truett iz a very bright, young talent and fit into the Arsenal setup perfectly. But these days you vill see that the agent has a lot of power and it is very difficult for us to help the player become his potential.”

    • Reply Daphne February 11, 2011 at 2:59 pm

      1. Nobody spends $20 on ice cream cones.
      2. Manchester United is at the top of the table, a whole spot above um, Arsenal.
      3. Arsenal is on track for 4 trophies if by on track you mean they tell themselves every season they will win something but then don’t.
      4. Arsenal fans are known to be schizophrenic. One moment they love Arsene Wenger, next moment they hate him, then Arshavin is so awesome, oh no they hate Arshavin and Walcott and Song and Bendtner…

  • Reply Shiqin February 11, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    Ack, Kirsten looks so cute in that jersey! Great photos as always, Daph!
    Shiqin´s last post ..Wordless Wednesday

  • Reply Francesca February 12, 2011 at 9:04 am

    U husband n wife are so witty. Hahaha. My husband bought liverfool jerseys for our kiddos.

  • Reply Erika February 14, 2011 at 11:38 am

    Ah! Love the cure pictures! Especially the one with them both! More of that cute kinda stuff, please :)

  • Reply andy February 14, 2011 at 11:27 pm

    awesome cuteness, always like the jersey posts, and now little girl also join in haha :)
    andy´s last post ..Daddys big day

  • Reply Aaron Matthews February 22, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    when you can get a 24 yr male old like me who’s total heavy metal head to laugh and enjoy your blog then you’re really done it. Fantastic blog!

  • Reply Camemberu August 11, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    OMG Kelvin is also an Arsenal fan, just like my hubby? lol
    My kids have the same jerseys!

  • Reply smithcurtis December 9, 2016 at 11:29 am

    Arsenal finally sign a striker!!!

  • Reply John Deo February 13, 2020 at 2:28 pm

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