The benchmark for fatness

Is it just me or do pregnant people typically get a bit touchy about their weight during their last trimester? As it is, I’m majorly bummed about having to lumber around like a hippopotamus with a watermelon for a stomach, so talking about it isn’t like my favourite thing to do.

During my last visit to the gynae a week ago, the first thing my friendly doctor said to me was: “Mmm… putting on the weight a bit too quickly huh, I think we need to scale it back for the next few weeks.” Admittedly, I might have eaten a few too many slices of bacon in Melbourne but in my defence, that was delicious free range bacon that baby Theo enjoyed thoroughly.

In my defence Part Deux, I also played some ball at a street court to compensate for all that bacon. Clearly, it wasn’t very effective.

On a sort of related note, this reminds me of a conversation I had with the kids that also didn’t hurt my feelings at all.

***

Kirsten: Kor kor, did you know that El Macho is SUPER FAT! Even fatter than mommy, you know!

Tru: Hahahahah, I know! Mommy is only this fat (gestures to his imaginary belly with his hand) and El Macho is THIS FAT (gestures to an even bigger belly).

Me: Oi! Who is this El Macho and why have I become the benchmark for fatness? I hope there’s a compliment in here somewhere, guys.

Tru: El Macho is the bad guy from Despicable Me 2. He’s really fat and you are only a little bit fat, that’s why.

Me: <Sighhhhh>

Kirsten: Is it because sometimes you eat instead of facing your problems?

Me: WHUTTTT??

Kirsten: Mr. Gru said it. In Despicable Me.

Me: NO! Maybe. Sometimes a little bit. And sometimes I eat because it’s delicious. Plus I’m pregnant. Also, I think we need to stop watching that show.