Fact: Kids make you fat.

For my mid afternoon snack yesterday, I made myself a grilled cheese with tomato sandwich. I usually have several slices of bacon with my grilled cheese in lieu of anything resembling a vegetable, but during my gynae appointment on Monday, I was told that my weight gain is getting “alarmingly rapid”.

After keeping my weight gain to just 8 kg in 32 weeks, I’ve put on another 3 kg in the last month alone, of which only 200 grams belong to the baby.

I guess that counts as alarming.

Also, I hate you, last trimester hormones.

So I was sitting at the kitchen table trying to enjoy my vegetable sandwich and not think about bacon when the kids came sauntering in.

Tru: What are you having, mommy?

Me: A sandwich. Want some?

Both: Me, me, I want!

Kirsten took a bite and immediately started making gagging faces before letting the whole gooey lump fall out of her mouth.

Kirsten: That’s not a sandwich. It’s gross.

Me: What do you mean it’s not a sandwich? It’s a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich. And it’s not gross.

Ok, it was totally gross but if I was going to endure a vegetable sandwich, they were going to suffer together with me.

Kirsten: Sandwich is not s’posed to have tomato…where’s the bacon?

Me: Guys, we’re not going to have bacon for a while because mommy’s on a diet. It’s vegetables for everyone yay!!

Tru: What’s a diet?

Me: A diet is when mommy needs to eat less to lose weight, and I’m not allowed to have bacon.

Tru: Because you’re becoming fat?

Me: Hey, I’m pregnant, there’s a difference. And it’s because of you guys that I’m even in this predicament.

Tru: But Truett and mei mei are not fat what. We can have bacon, you eat the vegetables.

If you must know, they got their bacon sandwich and I might have snuck one or two slices into mine as well.

For the record, if I get really fat, it’s definitely the kids’ fault. All 3 of them.

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