We’ve recently had to start teaching the kids about the importance of keeping their special private areas special. You’d think that this was one of those easier lessons to teach because it’s so straightforward, like just don’t wave your penis around in public and that’s all there is to it. Not exactly rocket science.
In reality, it’s a little more complicated than that. I think this is largely due to the fact that kids have nudist tendencies. Maybe it’s the freedom not wearing clothes symbolizes or just how nice and airy it is to let everything all hang out. Mostly the second one. Especially with the kind of humid weather we have, there’s no real need to wear any clothes if modesty wasn’t an issue.
For a long time, we had to play catch-the-naked-baby game before and after every shower. Ok, who am I kidding? We still do it all the time. When it’s shower time, they will start stripping down and the moment the last article of clothing comes off, they take off and start streaking around the living room. They do it after the shower too, which makes the game even more difficult because then they’re all wet and slippery. And throughout the day, they think it’s funny to randomly strip and run around.
At this point, we’re still fine with them being naked for extended periods at home but I realize that people aren’t quite as fine with them being naked in public. One time, Kirsten got bored when we were out shopping and started to take off her clothes. Obviously, a lot of scrambling ensued.
So anyway, we’re teaching them that certain body parts can’t be exposed in public and to really drill home the message, we hold quizzes for them regularly.
Me: Kids, can you show people your backside?
Kids: No, cannot.
Me: How about your ears?
Kids: Yes, ears can.
Tru: Cannot show people my penis.
Me: Very good. Kirsten, same goes for your vagina – cannot show ok. How about nipples?
Me: Ok, technically, Truett, yours can but Kirsten’s nipples cannot.
Tru: But Truett and mei mei’s nipples same. Same nipples.
Me: Excellent observation. Yeah, I know it’s confusing but you’re a boy and nobody wants to see your nipples. At some point, mei mei’s nipples are going to look very different and lots of people are going to want to see that so it’s better to keep the mystery intact.
Tru: People want to see mei mei’s nipples?
Kel: Um babe, you should really stop explaining. You’re making it worse.
Me: OH LOOK KIDS, FLOWERS! You guys want to pick a flower for grandma?
Well, let’s just say that I’m not looking forward to giving the sex education talk or the where-do-babies-come-from talk. That’s going to be fun.