i embarrass myself sometimes

No, really, blogging is not worth getting drenched in soya bean for

April 10, 2010

Remember the time I got electrocuted and then took a shower in public? (not at the same time, obviously) I don’t even know why these things happen to me, like my subconscious is trying to find new material to talk about.

Note to subconscious: I’m FINE, and blogging is not worth dying for anyway. Just stop it.

So I was out to pick up some presents for a friend while Kel was watching the kids at home. On the way back, I stopped for a takeaway at Carl’s Jr, a truckload of bubble tea and a packet of soya bean milk mixed with grass jelly, the kind that comes in the clear plastic bag with the little red nylon strings.

Feeling all smug for balancing all the items perfectly, I managed to unlock the car door with my thumb and gingerly placed everything inside. Without spilling a drop. I hooked the soya bean on the locking mechanism by the door of the driver’s seat, then arranged all the drinks neatly in all the cup holder compartments.

There were two girls in the car next to me who were observing my highly-developed motor skills with interest. Or they figured I was an accident waiting to happen. Either way, I noticed them peering and I proceeded to do everything with a flourish. I was like “observe the master, because that’s how you do it, ladies“, and with a quick flick of my pinkie, pulled the door shut, ready to drive off. The next minute happened in slow motion complete with operatic music as the accursed pack of soya bean got squashed by the door and a stream of milky white liquid flew over my head and landed EVERYWHERE.

I was drenched in soya bean and there were little black jelly bits in my hair and all over the car. It was a bad time to forget to replenish the tissue so I sat there for two minutes soaking in (ha!) the situation. Never mind that my burger was all soggy, I had to drive home while the soya bean slowly dried off and stuck to my skin like it was mocking me.

And the girls next door, I could hear them laughing. Even with both our car doors closed.

There’s something about scrubbing off dried soya bean and stupid jelly bits from the little crevices in a car that makes you not want to drink soya bean milk ever again.

Update: In a completely unrelated incident, water leaked out of Kirsten’s milk bottle and destroyed my iPhone along with its warranty. Somebody says I need therapy.

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unqualified parenting tips

To cane or not to cane?

April 7, 2010

This is a big topic, one I’ve been putting off for a while. I used to think that disciplining kids was a no brainer. Buy a cane and whip their little bottoms when they step out of line. It’s the Asian way. It’s how we were disciplined and seems like it worked relatively well looking at our low crime rate and all.

It’s cathartic (especially when you’re really frustrated), acts as a deterrence and basically shows them who’s boss. It’s about RESPECT, you know, because we frown on kids addressing us by our first names and threatening to call social services when they get caned for acting like a brat. Whoever wields the cane wields the power, right? But what happens when they are big enough to wrestle it from your hands?

Some parents wear it like a badge of honor, like “you won’t see my kids doing that because very well-acquainted with Mr Cane LOL“. Methinks your reign of terror will come to an abrupt end once your 7-feet tall little boy becomes Mr cane-destroyer.

The past two years, we haven’t really needed to formulate a discipline blueprint yet. Repeated explanations worked well enough to establish boundaries. For the really dangerous stuff like playing with electrical sockets, we just needed to cordon off those areas. However, Tru is slowly entering the stage of testing those boundaries intentionally. Whenever we tell him not to do something, he watches us with a glint in his eye while inching closer and closer to it. Some days, he goes for the kill and laughs maniacally like “haha, I got away with jumping into the tub fully clothed right after I took my shower.”

Therein lies the dilemma. He’s obviously trying to see if we’re serious about making good our promises and threats. So that means when he does something he’s not supposed to do, the ball is in my court to follow through with the appropriate discipline. I’m cool with that. The problem is finding an effective method of discipline.

To be honest, I’m reluctant to use the cane. I know the debate rages on among Christian camps like how we must apply the rod of correction to drive away foolishness. But my reasons for not using the cane are twofold.

1. I HATED being caned and it wasn’t even that effective. I would be so upset for so many days after every *correction* that it would just eat me up inside. After that, I would go out of my way to see how many times I could get away with being bad without getting caned because it was the only way to feel like I won. That I beat the system.

2. I’m not going for deterrence. I want them to grow up to do what is right, not just avoid doing what is wrong. I want them to understand what it means to be helpful and generous and kind, to love people and be the bigger person and NOT feel proud that they managed to escape punishment when they made a mistake.

I’ve been reading up extensively on all the various theories of disciplining children and I’ve come to only one conclusion. You’ve got to take into account the kid’s temperament, their intention and their actions while maintaining a semblance of consistency and fairness.

This is virtually impossible with multiple kids because what works for one kid may not work for the rest. But if you employ different methods for each kid, it comes across as terribly unfair. There’s just no way around it. My dad used to say that there’s no such thing as fairness and I used to say that it’s a convenient excuse for partiality but now, I’m starting to agree.

We’ve come up with a few guidelines for now. The naughty corner seems to work for Tru but it mostly acts as a timeout chair so that he can calm down and stop being in a frenzy. And we do it only when he willfully disobeys us or is being mean. Like when he smashed the phone into Kirsten’s face because he was upset, he got naughty-cornered good and proper while she got a bloody nose. Fair? I don’t know.

Also, we’ll make sure we discipline the kids in private. Which means that the rest of the kids don’t know what’s going on in the room and for all they know, we could be having a party. Hopefully, they don’t trade notes like who gets what next time.

And the thing is, kids are kids. They’re expected to mess up, destroy stuff, lose stuff, fight, lie their way out of trouble, be selfish, self-centered and self-absorbed. We’re expected to teach them by being the opposite. I’m just not sure I want to be upset with them all the time over everything. I mean, we still make mistakes ourselves and sometimes we learn the hard way.

As long as they grow up to know what is right and try their best to do it, I think I would have done a respectable job of parenting.

You got any tips for discipline? Come on, share a little.

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side effects of motherhood

I always feel like somebody’s watching me

April 6, 2010

Tru talks a lot these days. I’m no expert on the linguistic abilities of almost-two-year-olds so I’m not sure if he’s supposed to talk this much but it really scares me sometimes. Most of the time I’m like “where did you even learn that from, young man?”

Then I realize that while he’s not so keen on picking up the words I teach him or make him repeat after me, he’s really good at watching us and learning all the stuff we say that’s way too advanced for his age.

Seriously, momma, I'm watching you

Things like these:

Whenever Kirsten make a mess, he goes “Oh no, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?” and gestures in mock horror.

When he makes a mess, he goes “Oh dear, what are we going to do?“, as if we’re now in this together.

If he know that he’s going to be in trouble, he rubs his chest and goes “Sorry mommy, I won’t do that anymore.”

When Kirsten successfully snatches his toy, he goes “NOOOOOO! You want to go naughty corner?”

When I put on make up, he goes, “Yayyy, mommy pretty!” Nice one.

This is an important parenting lesson for me, but also a very difficult one. Mostly because I prefer ordering them around to do stuff instead of doing it myself. Especially things like eating vegetables and cleaning up and sharing.

I’m cool with sharing most of my stuff, but when it comes to things like bubble tea and ice-cream, it’s ALL MINE. Because I grew up with a brother and now have a husband who eats faster than Godzilla and then proceeds to attack my share. Me, I need to savor my food and roll it around in my mouth a little bit which takes ages and sharing doesn’t work out very well for me. So either I’ve got to eat fast, which is totally unenjoyable or by the third mouthful, it’s usually gone.

But armed with my newly-acquired parenting skills, I decided to share my infinite wisdom as well as bubble tea with Kel, while flashing him a look that said “if you finish it, there’ll be no more of this sharing business“. It worked like a charm and Tru followed suit. Kel says this means we always have to share because it’s so effective.

I say sharing is overrated. So is cleaning up and eating vegetables.

It’s going to be my fault if the kids grow up to be exactly like me, isn’t it? I guess this means I’ve got to be better so that they can be better. This is turning out to be harder than I thought.

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