Every now and then, I still think about whether I should have left my job to stay home with the kids. Especially when I’m missing my holidays and I start reading all these studies that show how having mommy at home doesn’t necessarily make them smarter or more successful people and I’m like you’re telling me this now, after I spent the last 2 years thinking that me being home with them would be the reason they are getting into Harvard Law School. (No pressure, kids, Yale or Princeton are ok too)
Honestly, I don’t know how successful they are going to be when they grow up, but that’s not really the reason why I chose to stay home in the first place. The whole point was to be around for them during these years that they needed mommy the most. To clean their poop and fix them snacks and snuggle in bed and read stories after a nap.
Just because I’m their momma doesn’t make me their favorite person in the world. All relationships take time and effort and they’re going to be closest to whoever spent the most quality time with them, whether it’s grandma or the maid or the teachers in childcare.
Like yesterday, Tru woke up from his nap early and he was in a particularly snuggly mood. He made me put aside my laptop and said “mommy don’t do work, mommy hug Truett.” Which I did for a long time. At that point I thought of how immensely sucky it would be if he was home alone with a maid or stuck in childcare all day.
Bad scenario: He needs mommy to snuggle and ends up snuggling with Aunty Mina and one day momma comes home from work all ready for some snuggly time and he’s all like “don’t want mommy to hug, want aunty to hug” and I will go stab myself with a fork.
Worse scenario: He needs mommy to snuggle and goes to Aunty Mina and she’s too busy watching tv so he cries himself to sleep and grows up emotionally shut down and has to spend the next 20 years in counseling therapy.
So yes, I have to put up with all the tantrums and mess and screaming fits but I also enjoy the fun stuff like baby kisses and cuddles and I get to know that they mean it when they say “Mommy FAVORITE!”