motherhood

Next stop, babytown

There’s a lot of talk about having babies recently because it seems like there aren’t enough of them around in our country. Educated, working couples are putting off having babies and the question everyone’s asking is how we can get more couples to have more babies and have them earlier?

I obviously don’t have the answer to that but seeing that I’m sort of like the exception to the norm with 2 kids and 1 on the way, here’s my perspective.

First, target market.

The fact is not everyone wants kids. Some folks like to be single. Some like to be married without kids. Some don’t mind being near other people’s kids but never want to have any of their own. And some are just allergic to annoying, whiny children. Whatever the case, nobody should ever be compelled to have kids for the good of the nation. That’s insane. It’s too difficult, too painful, too time consuming and expensive to be forced upon anyone. If a couple doesn’t like kids or want to have them, there’s no amount of slick marketing campaigns or government initiatives that will change that.

Stop asking them to have babies and move on.

Because there are lots of couples who want to have kids young but can’t afford it and that’s where a little help can make a lot of difference. People like to say that throwing money at a problem doesn’t solve it. Well, actually, it sometimes does. And I think that our baby bonus and maternity leave schemes are a step in the right direction.

For a couple in their mid twenties who want to have kids but are struggling to make ends meet, having a child early seems like a financial impossibility. Offering $10,000 – $18,000 in cash and CDA matching contributions will be able to pay for the hospital bills, some basic necessities and cover a portion of the childcare fees, essentially making it possible for them to have kids 2-3 years earlier.

It’s not much compared to the $200,000 they will eventually spend over the next 21 years, but it helps them at a time when they need the help most. Sure, the baby bonus will run out in a couple of years but with upward social mobility, bonuses, promotions and pay increments, they will be more comfortable by then and better-equipped to cope with the added monthly cost of raising a child.

Of course there are the bigger social, economic and cultural issues at play. We have a long way to go before Singapore becomes family-friendly and achieves that elusive work-life balance we like to talk about, assuming that notion is even possible.

In a competitive, meritocratic society driven by market forces, something has got to give. Mothers can’t possibly take 4 months of maternity leave, knock off at 6pm sharp daily, require emergency childcare leave when their kids are ill and still expect to be at the top of their game in a corporate environment. Chances are, the promotions and performance bonuses will be given to someone who is able to put in the hours and do more for the company. Those are the rules and rightly so.

What the government can do is encourage work from home schemes and allow mothers some level of flexibility in their jobs so we can find an optimum middle ground we’re happy with, where we’re able to spend time with the kids while pursuing a decent career.

While we’re talking about changing mindsets, I think the biggest paradigm shift has to come from the individuals. If couples view having babies as a national duty, they will want to wait till the government makes it easy and convenient for them to do so. That will never happen. They may make it slightly easier by increasing the incentives, but it will never be enough.

So have kids because it’s something you want.

I had Truett at 26 and I’m not going to sugar coat it – it’s been incredibly tough. Sometimes, I look back and I don’t even know how we made it through. We were young, broke, inexperienced and barely able to take care of ourselves, much less another (very screamy and demanding) human being. We’ve had to give up stuff our peers could easily afford and make massive, inconvenient changes to our lives.

But (yes, there’s a but) it’s also been the best decision we made, which is why we have so many. It’s hard to explain to someone why having kids is as awesome as it is without sounding cheesy. They give us a reason to smile on the crabbiest of mornings, make all the sacrifice seem worth it and every single day, we feel like our lives are complete.

I think they call it love.

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15 Comments

  • Reply Mom of Nadia August 22, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    By reading the cute conversation between Truett and Kirsten, I had the sudden urge of having a 2nd one, but unfortunately it only lasted for a while. Hope that I’ll be more mentally prepared in another few years’ time.

  • Reply Maddymilliesmom August 22, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    How true! Everything that you say.

  • Reply rach August 22, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    *like*

  • Reply Madeline August 22, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    I agree with you, if people want to have kids, they would. If they didnt want kids for whatever reason, they wouldnt, no matter how “tasty” the bait is.

    And I think sometimes some women cant have kids no matter how hard they try. So besides looking at baby bonuses, perhaps more subsidies on IVF, etc, too?
    Madeline´s last post ..Why We Shouldn’t Tell Our Kids to "Stop It!"

  • Reply SengkangBabies August 22, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    Good post Daphne ! Having a baby is more a lifestyle choice nowadays. Hope your baby will wait a few more days for PM to announce more goodies :)

    Personally, I would like to see an increase in paternity leave (20 days please). It would be symbolic to showcase that men can, and should play a bigger role in parenting. (2 days paternity sucks)
    SengkangBabies´s last post ..The day when Robinson Road became a warzone

  • Reply Candice August 23, 2012 at 12:12 am

    I cannot agree more!

  • Reply Hendra August 23, 2012 at 12:17 am

    Well said, Daphne. :)

  • Reply Abby August 23, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Having been a mother for 1 year plus, I personally feel longer maternity leave, flexible working hours and childcare subsidy are the best things mums here can have. Longer maternity leave so that we can spend more time to bond with our new born babies and sort out childcare/babysit arrangements. Flexible working hours so that I don’t need to put my child in childcare from 7am to 7pm, that’s 12 hours! Flexible working hours so that my family can come back to home-cooked dinner – such a basic and fundamental family component which we have been deprived of in this society.
    Abby´s last post ..20-month and counting

  • Reply MomOf2 August 23, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    My HR Manager say don’t hire someone with young children because they are very likely to always go on urgent leave because their children fall sick especially if they are in Childcare. We are running a business here. Not charity you know.

  • Reply Elaine August 23, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    The guardian puts the figure for raising a child at £218,000 (http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2012/jan/26/cost-raising-children) and when I key in my statistics in babycenter’s calculator (save for pretending I stay in the US East Coast because there are only US options for that), the cost was more than half a million in USD. So yar, the incentives don’t make a dent. And that’s not counting the loss of earnings, sense of satisfaction etc etc we can potentially get if we spend all our energy climbing the corporate ladder. End of the day, we just want kids.

    That said, I was told that after ex MM made the speech about needing to replace our aging population recently, many proclaimed on facebook that they are inspired to make babies! I guess that is a good thing for the nation but I am honestly surprised.

    We can do with more child friendly workplaces and better quality childcares though.
    Elaine´s last post ..BIIIIIG

  • Reply Jillian August 23, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    Nicely said, it kind of sums up how i feel about the whole thing as well. I had Ally at 24, and yes, it was incredibly hard, especially the first year but we have never regretted that decision to have our kids in our 20s.

  • Reply Pris August 24, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Amazingly written and so so true. I’m blessed in that I live in Germany where they have 1-year of paid maternity leave, albeit at 60% and 3 years during which your company has to keep your job for you. That’s really cool. It does give a Mummy a lot of time to bond with her child. I agree that the government should give more incentives to people who want to have kids but find it hard to do so – incentives for assisted reproduction.

  • Reply jen August 25, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    On the contrary, here in the Philippines, the debate on the Senate to whether or not pass the Reproductive Health Bill is still ongoing.. Philippines is overpopulated now that some people are finding ways to decrease the rapid growth of population here on my country..

  • Reply joanna August 28, 2012 at 8:41 am

    its so true.., having my baby was ssssssssuuuuuuuuuuppppppppppeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr tough, and to be honest, I’m still traumatized haha, but yeah, its super worth it :) and i love my son more than anything else, next to God :)

  • Reply Bun Bun Makeup Tips August 28, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    Well said. I think it’s not useful when they keep encouraging Singaporeans to have more children just because Singapore doesn’t have enough. That is not motivating at all. It’s like dangling carrots in front of T-rex.
    Bun Bun Makeup Tips´s last post ..Acne and Health: What Your Body Is Trying To Tell You With Pimples!

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