Remember when you were a kid and you felt like you could be anything you wanted? Growing up, I wanted to be a zookeeper, a Disneyland mascot, an emperor, a writer and a judge at different points of my life.
My dad used to tell me that I could do anything I dreamed of doing, and it didn’t matter what I did because if I was passionate about it, the money would follow. Well, one time he did tell me to be an investment banker or a lawyer because those guys earned truckloads of money. I guess it was his way of giving me viable career options after he heard about my mascot gig. But for the most part, he told me to follow my heart, wherever that took me.
Even though I probably wouldn’t have done half the things on my list given the chance, it was nice to know that I *could* have done it.
Now as a parent, I understand how tough it is to offer that kind of unconditional support, especially when we think that we know best for our kids. Our idea of success is very much tied to how much they earn or how famous they get, but mostly the money part. As far as I can help it, I don’t want them to have to spend the better part of their working life struggling to make ends meet. Or stuck in a job they thought was cool at 14, but didn’t turn out quite so cool at 34. To balance the whole heart-following with valuable practical advice without sounding like the kind of annoying pessimistic parent who’s too jaded to believe in dreams.
Just last week, Tru informed me that he was going to be an astronaut when he grew up.
At first, in my head, I was all like “Isn’t that so 1990? Do kids still dream of going to the moon these days? Now they want to wear jeans and invent Facebook and be a billionaire at 25. And astronaut? I mean, Tom Hanks seemed like he was having a pretty rough time in Apollo 13.”
But then his eyes lit up and he followed it up by telling me about how he was going to fly a spaceship to the moon and do a somersault when he got there. Which does sound pretty cool when he put it that way.
So instead of telling him about how dangerous astronaut-ing is, or how tough it was to get into the NASA program, or how he was going to miss his wife and kids (if he has them), or how there’s never even been one Singaporean astronaut probably because of all of the above reasons, I gave him a hi-5 and told him that it would be awesome. And also to bring back a moon-rock as a souvenir.
Did I say it just to make my kid happy? Well, yes and no. On some level, I think anything they’re passionate about deserves my support, even when I don’t necessarily agree. And if he eventually becomes an astronaut, or the guy who designs the spaceship, or the guy who pumps fuel into the spaceship, I think I’d still be awfully proud.
16 Comments
I think society probably nudges them towards the rich and famous type of careers enough without us parents adding the pressure. I remember as a kid our teacher used to give us huge pieces of drawing paper to write our groupwork essays on and one of those assignments was “My Ambition” (yes, how creative isn’t it? We get some variation of that topic about 5x a year throughout primary school). Anyway, all the groups ended up presenting about wanting to become a doctor or lawyer since, even though there are a few oddballs like me who wanted to be something else, it would be impossible to gain enough support in the group to go for it. So kudos to you got supporting Truett unconditionally on his dreams :)
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I guess the only thing we can do is offer them sound advice about the choices they make, but at some point, we’ll have to sit back and let them decide for themselves.
And then celebrate their success if it works out or just be there for them if it doesn’t.
Oh, I love it when they dream and then their dreams become real! Maybe he’ll even make it to Mars!
Me too! Mars would be pretty cool. :)
I think it’s so much a part of our local culture to remind ourselves why we can’t do certain things, or why some dreams are better (read: more practical) than others. I think it’s up to us parents to turn it around for the next generation. :)
p.s. I think astronauts are pretty cool!
I can’t disagree with the practical bit because we do want the best for them. I guess we just have to keep in mind that our best might not be their best.
beautiful post. sometimes I feel that as parents we often tell our kids all the can’ts e.g. can’t eat this, can’t eat poop, can’t fight etc that when we actually tell them yes, they can.. it is very special.
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LOL call me old fashioned but I don’t think I’ll ever tell them they can eat poop.
I think it’s more important that children find dignity, fulfilment and provision in what they do, rather than glory and achievement.
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Totally agree!
That’s fantastic. I wouldn’t mind doing a few somersaults in space myself… My daughter (6) told me last week that she would like to be “a doctor, or a nurse…” [oh wow, I was thinking, she wants to help people and make this world a better place!] “…or a lady who owns a cake shop.”
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Hahahah I love the cake shop one! I wouldn’t mind being a lady who owns a cake shop, but too bad I can’t bake. And if I actually had a cake shop, I’d eat cake all day instead of selling them.
Hi Daphne
My 6-yr old twins told me they want to be astronauts too when they were about four. My hubby and I supported them and we started buying books on space and such. Over the past one year, they have changed their minds from taxi-driver to doctors to baker. Just yesterday, they told me that now they want to be a fire-fighter and policewoman. My hubby and I just went along with them and we used the opportunity to talk about the occupation. I guess parents that’s the best we can do.
So cute! You’re right, they’ll probably change their minds multiple times along the way and cool idea to turn it into an occupation lesson. :)
Oh wow. So well-written! I’ve been thinking about this issue too….balancing of dreams and being practical. Something completely off topic – but could you post pictures of growing belly??? :)
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Hey Pris, thanks for the idea! I’m a little awkward showing pictures of my giant belly (which will be accompanied by a giant ass and giant arms) but I’ll see if I can take a flattering shot