My mom’s dog, Mickey, goes ballistic every time a stranger walks past our door. Yesterday, he was barking his head off at the McDelivery guy and when Tru tried to calm him down, he went batshitcrazy and bit him on the hand.
Husband: Are you ok? Did Mickey bite you?
Tru: No no, Mickey didn’t bite me.
Husband: Let me take a look at your hand.
Tru: He just accidentally poked my hand with his teeth.
Husband: Uh, there’s a word for that, it’s called biting.
Tru: Never mind, I’m ok. See, no blood.
Me: Good thing it’s minor or I will accidentally on purpose slaughter him.
Stickler for Details
It was a dull, rainy Sunday morning and the kids were bored to tears from being cooped up at home on their designated swimming day. After scattering every toy they have in every corner of the house, they turned to their baby brother for some entertainment. They hugged him and kissed him and tickled his toes, then when that got boring, they started prodding him with a small stick.
Husband: Hey, are you guys poking baby Finn with a stick?
Kirsten: No, we didn’t poke him. We just sayang him only.
Husband: With a stick?
Kirsten: We are very gentle, we just hold the stick like that gently. *Reenacts the poking*
Husband: Yeah, right. How about you don’t poke him at all.
Kirsten: Sighhh, ok.
5 minutes later, on the same rainy morning, they came up with a new request.
Kirsten: Mom, can we watch The Incredibles on the iPad?
Me: You guys were watching Disney Junior earlier right? I think you’ve reached your TV quota for the day.
Tru: But we never ask to watch TV. We just want to watch on the iPad.
Me: It’s the same thing, just smaller.
Kirsten: How about on the iPhone?
Me: Nice try. Still no. Go do something that doesn’t involve a screen and moving pictures.