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yet another pregnancy scare

I really really really want more babies

September 3, 2010

Yes, you heard right. I want another (few more) of those snuggly little humans that scream all night and poop all the time. I am fully aware of the fact that it’s a severe case of the momnesia kicking in but BABIES! All sweet and cuddly and warm and cute and nice-smelling. I really want some more. Soon.

Over dinner today, I casually dropped the question on the husband.

Me: Hows your noodles?

Kel: Pretty good. Want some?

Me: I was thinking that 5 kids would be nice. All the kids running around the house, so awesome, right?

Kel: Very awesome. Sure, we can do 5.

Me: Like soon?

*This is the point he starts turning a bit pale.

Kel: Soon… like in another 3 years, just like we discussed, remember?

Me: Mmm, how about a little earlier, like 1 and a half?

*At which point he stops eating his noodles completely. By now, his color is best described as ashen.

Kel: Haha, you’re kidding right? Good one.

Me: Actually I’m serious. I think we can handle it. 2 more babies back to back, we’ve done it before, no problem.

Kel: I think you should read your own archives from July last year. You need to get rid of this momnesia before it escalates out of control.

Me: I was totally overreacting last year, all that postpartum hormones. And just think of 5 kids! We’ve even got names already.

Kel: I’m going home to print out the archives and paste them on the wall.

The rest of that conversation went something like 5 KIDS SO FUN! blah blah blah THEY WILL PLAY TOGETHER! blah blah blah THEY CAN ALL BE BEST FRIENDS! blah blah blah ECONOMIES OF SCALE! blah blah blah BABY SMELL! TINY BOOTIES! DISNEYLAND! I WANT BABIES!!!

I obviously drowned out the part about “SWOLLEN ANKLES, GINORMOUS ASS, OMG 27 HOURS OF LABOR, EPISIOTOMY, POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION, SCREAMING BABY, SORE NIPPLES…”

Finally, Kel was all like “you do realize we’ll have even less of a life than we have now, and I’m not even sure if that’s possible. I’ll have to take on 3 more jobs and come back just in time for the middle-of-the-night feed while you shuffle around like a bad-tempered zombie. Postpartum, you’ll be crabby and upset and stressed out and we’ll never have another moment of peace and quiet for the next 5 years. Or sleep, for that matter.”

I nodded. “But sure babe, if you think we’re ready, then let’s make another baby. *boom-chica-wow-wow* But we’ll have to give it another year and a half before we start trying ok. You know we’re not going to need a lot of time to try.”

And that is why I’m so in love with this man.

by Daphne

i embarrass myself sometimes, stuff best described as not safe for parents, yet another pregnancy scare

Hormones

August 10, 2010

Hormones are one of those things I don’t understand, alongside nuclear fusion and quantum physics. I just tried reading the wikipedia definition on hormones and I haven’t got the slightest idea what the entire page is talking about. It’s filled with words that have more syllables than I can pronounce. Heck, I’m not even sure it’s written in English. Sometimes I swear wikipedia is just trying to make me feel like a moron. Thanks for the help, wikipedia.

Here’s my definition: A hormone is a great big pain in the ass. When you have too much or too little, it causes mood swings, pimples, weight gain, nausea, headaches, backaches and depression, among other things. It can occasionally give you bigger boobs but for the side effects that come with it, not even worth it.

Remember my contraceptive dilemma? A couple of days ago, I finally went on the pill because I had a feeling that if we keep taking our chances, I’m going to get myself knocked up before the year is out. Now that the kids are getting more manageable and I can fit into my old jeans again, another baby is so not on the cards right now. The last time I went on the pill, it wasn’t pretty because you see, my hormones do not like to be messed with. It was like my baby-making machine knew something was wrong and started going stark raving mad. I was sick, pukey and moody for a couple of weeks until I realized it was caused by the pill. I know because the moment I stopped, it all magically went away. This time, I asked the doctor for something that wouldn’t cause all the side effects and he introduced me this pill called Yasmin. Besides, I have this friend called Yasmin who’s a perfectly nice person and yes, that’s the kind of advanced decision-making skills I have.

Anyway, turns out that Yasmin hates me. Or my hormones. The day I started, I could feel all the symptoms coming back with a vengeance. At first, I thought it was all in my head like that Inception movie but by the second day, I was as edgy and irritable and nauseous and depressed as I had been during the first round. I checked the list of symptoms in the box and what do you know, I had most of them. Then as I read on, the list just got worse, right until I got to the point where I saw weight gain. Talk about crushing irony.

Now why anyone would want to take a pill that makes them gain weight is beyond me. I mean, the whole point of not having another baby is so that I don’t gain another 30 pounds in my ass so I’m certainly not about to help myself retain more fats. I can do that by eating a double quarter pounder with supersized fries and at least, I would have enjoyed the process.

I’m off the pill now and back to Russian Roulette. Seriously, don’t wish me luck.

I got to ask, what contraceptives do you use? If you’re not comfortable leaving a comment, just drop me an email. Help a girl out here.

by Daphne

Funny or So I think, yet another pregnancy scare

I’ve never been this happy to have a stomach flu

January 20, 2010

Did you know that the early symptoms of stomach flu and pregnancy are *exactly* the same? I didn’t. But well, apparently they are.

So I’ve been feeling all nauseous and vomity and bloaty since Saturday and it got progressively worse so I went to the doctors to get it checked out. I sat down and described all my symptoms like I usually do and the doctor looked all thoughtful for a while and I was expecting something like “sounds like a stomach flu, I’ll just prescribe you some medication” but no. Instead, he said “you could possibly be pregnant” and he made me pee in a cup just to be sure.

Usually, I do very well peeing in a cup. But it was like somebody telling me that I just won a trip to a North Korean prison cell and at first you’ll be all like “I WON!” but then you realize that you don’t actually want to be in a prison cell in any country and your pee goes back into your bladder. That kind of feeling.

Not that being pregnant is like being in prison. Because right after, I felt awful that the first thought I had when I thought I could be pregnant was NOOOOOO instead of YESSSSSSS. If I’m pregnant again, I want to celebrate and jump and scream like I just won the lottery (the third time). Except that the thought of another baby right now scares me. Like a lot.

Also, girls should not even have to attempt to pee in a cup that has the circumference of a 20 cent coin. It’s not like I have a thing to whip out and aim at stuff. I mean, if I were a guy, I could probably pee into a pinhole but girls need bigger cups to pee in if I don’t want to pee all over my hand. Which is kind of what I did.

Then after that, I had to take a quiz on family planning.

Doctor: Are you on any contraceptives?

Me: I’m still breastfeeding.

Doctor: That’s not a real contraceptive.

Me: And we’re practicing withdrawal.

Doctor: I’m not sure you know what a contraceptive is.

Me: Then it would be a no.

Doctor: You should, if you don’t plan to have another baby right now.

Me: I totally agree.

Long story short, I’m not pregnant but I am deathly ill, so much so that I’ve been crawling around the house like a legless zombie, which by the way, Tru thinks it’s hilarious and he chucked a dump truck at my head after I tried to grab his ankles. With my teeth. Which I completely regret now for 2 reasons. 1. My head feels like it suffered a mild concussion. 2. Now I’ll have to teach him to not throw things at people unless he’s sure it’s a zombie.

That’s what being ill with 2 kids does to you. It makes you do things you’ll regret the next morning. Although I’m not really complaining because at least I’m not preggers.

by Daphne