Theo

Remember when Theo was born, I really wanted me a fat baby who would enjoy eating everything I prepared for him? So that happened and it was awesome.

Right up to that point, all my other kids had been moderately picky eaters who were all like “I don’t like this food it’s so gross” or “I’m really full, my stomach hurts when I look at broccoli.” It was nice to have a baby who ate everything from rolled oats to raw carrots. Raw carrots. That’s just hardcore.

Almost all of baby Theo’s happy thoughts are about food and our conversations all day are variations of this:

Theo: Mommy can I have bread? Big big bread.

Me: You just ate an entire sandwich, 5 strawberries, some yoghurt and a glass of milo. We need to take a break.

Theo: How about small small bread?

Me: We can’t have small small bread either. No bread.

Theo: How about cereal? With fresh milk?

Me: Not right now. We can have cereal with milk as a snack later ok?

Theo: Um, 3 grapes? Can I have 3 grapes please?

It’s so hard to refuse a polite baby asking for 3 grapes so I cave. After he’s done, which is like 3 seconds later…

Theo: Can I have 3 more grapes please?

Me: I’m sorry baby, we’re done eating for now. There will be more food later.

Tears start to well up in his eyes and his voice quavers.

Theo: How about pancakes? Can you make pancakes for him??

Me: For me, not for him.  Nobody else wants pancakes. And no, we can’t have pancakes.

Theo: Marshmallows? Only 1 blue marshmallow. Just one and all done.

Me: Hey! How about let’s fix a puzzle. Look, it’s a farm puzzle!!

Theo: *starts to wail like he hasn’t eaten for a week* NO, STOP STOP STOP!! HE DON’T WANT PUZZLES HE JUST WANT TO EAT FOOD!!!

At first, I thought maybe he’s just hungry and I should give him more food until he’s full but he didn’t seem to ever have enough. He could eat more food than Truett, Kirsten and Finn combined for breakfast and still ask for more, which is insane.

And have you ever done the food test? I do this with all my kids. I’ll ask them to share the last piece of cookie/goldfish cracker/gummy that they’re clutching in their tiny fists, not because I actually want to eat it (it’s usually sweaty and soggy and germy by the time it reaches my mouth) but because it is proof of their undying love for me.

Most of the time, they’ll shove it quickly into their mouths to destroy all evidence of ever possessing such deliciousness but on several occasions, I’ve had all 3 of the big kids offer me their last morsels of snacks. True love, am I right?

But not baby Theo. One time, when I asked Theo for the last bite of his double chocolate chip cookie, he looked at me with such indignation it was like I had just asked him for a kidney. Then he promptly shook his head, making it clear that such a request was not to be entertained.

“Please…pretty please? Can mommy have it?”

“NO. CANNOT. Baby Theo eat.”

So I did what any self-respecting mom would do, I pretended to try to eat it from his hand as he was clutching it. I didn’t succeed because of his lightning fast reflexes but he immediately acted like I had taken away both his kidneys and his firstborn child. There much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

He only finally stopped after I double pinky promised that I wouldn’t take away his food and offered another whole cookie as restitution.

Nobody comes between this baby and his food, is what I’m saying.

I love that this boy loves food and he’s such a joy to feed (I’ve never had a baby clap in glee when I made a grilled cheese sandwich) but I think maybe it’s time to introduce a diet program. This will not be fun. :(

Birthday season continues with Theo turning 2 last Saturday.

Since it falls nicely on the mid point between all the other kids’ birthdays, we had a little combined party for all the kids and also to celebrate baby Hayley’s first month (economies of scale!!). When there are 5 kids, ain’t nobody got time to attend 5 different parties, and more importantly, ain’t nobody got time to plan 5 different parties.

The important thing is that Baby Theo was able to partake of much cake + other delicious snacks during this party, and therefore it was a very, very good day.

***

2-year-old Theo is ridiculously adorable. He likes to wear hats and decorate his cheeks with stickers while engaging in various activities.

Such as thinking.

And drawing.

Headgear + stickers, that’s all it takes to make him smile.

Sometimes, he likes to balance things on his head, looking like it’s nbd.

He’s like a real life toy I never knew I needed all my life.

This boy is such a delight to have. For starters, he talks way too much for a baby who just turned 2 – he tells me about sunshine and strawberries and snails – and right now, his favourite words are “I WANT BREAD/CAKE/CHICKEN/GRAPES!!”, followed by  “MOMMY LOOK AT ME, ARE YOU LISTENING???” while squishing my face with both hands.

2-years-old and already a foodie. All my other kids are just ok with food, they’ll eat because they need to, whether it’s a michelin-starred mee pok that we queued an hour for or some nonsense food court ban mian. But Theo, he’ll point to the specific morsel of deliciousness and tell me exactly what he wants to have in his mouth. “I want this part, and this part, and this part…”

And the true mark of a foodie is in the way they enjoy their food. Just look at this baby attack his sandwich. When it comes to food, baby Theo knows what’s what.

He knows how to make a girl feel real special too.

One time, he held my hand and told me “I like mommy to be happy.” I said, “I am. Mommy’s so happy because you make me happy” and he lit up with the biggest smile.

Since then, he’ll walk up to me with an exaggerated grin and announce “I’m happy, momma! You make me happy!!”

Full on heart eyes emoji, this one.

***

*bonus material* here’s baby Theo talking about his favourite topic. :)

Here’s what nap time with baby Theo looks like:

***

1.00 pm: Always start with the milk. I tuck him in nice and comfy with his blankie and give him his bottle. All is well.

1.05 pm: His eyes flutter shut for a moment as he drinks. Could this be?? This looks like a promising start.

1.07 pm:

“ALL DONE! Some more milk!” – Theo

“You just drank a whole bottle of milk, and that’s after your lunch. Let’s give that tummy a break ok.” – Me

“A little bit. Small small bit.” (puts his hands together to show me exactly how small the bit is) – Theo

“Ok fine. Just a little bit.” – Me

This face.

1.12 pm: Round 2 of milk done.

“Some more little bit.” – Theo

“No more! No more little bit. You’re going to throw up if you have more bits.” – Me

“Little bit…urrr hurrrr hurrrr…” – Theo

This is not even a real cry. It’s like a half-assed attempt at a whine-cry when he knows it’s futile but he just wants to make his displeasure felt.

“Shhhhh, it’s time for bed. Lie down and close your eyes.” – Me

I say the same thing every nap time and I don’t even know why I say this because he does none of these things.

1.45 pm: It’s been over 30 minutes of general mischief. Climbing everywhere, somersaults, licking the pillows, some yoga, a little bouncing, a lot of VERY LOUD SINGING. From time to time, I try to shush him or make him lie down but he just gets right back up again and resumes state of mischief. I think this will continue for a while.

1.48 pm:

“Mommy…” – Theo

I’m mildly annoyed but this is the sweetest sound in the world. Among all my kids, he’s got the most endearing way of calling me mommy – a combination of sweet and gentle and adoring. Urgh, I can’t help myself.

“Yes, baby?” – Me

“Do you want to eat ants?” – Theo

“No, thank you. I don’t like ants.” – Me

“Do you want to eat lizard?” – Theo

“Ewww gross. No.” – Me

“Do you want to eat frog?” – Theo

“Ok yeah, I like frogs. Frogs are delicious.” – Me

“Do you want to eat snail?” – Theo

“Umm, not really, no.” – Me

“Uhrrr hurrr hurrrrrr…eat snail urhhh!” (more lame pretend crying) – Theo

“Fine, I’ll eat a snail. Whatever makes you happy ok. Now go to sleep.” – Me

2.25 pm: Why is someone is sitting on my face yelling MOMMY!!!??? I must have dozed off. The pillows are strewn everywhere, the diffuser is overturned and spilt, there is a pig plushie inside my shirt and this baby is still engaging in various forms of nonsense. Zero effort. This is getting out of control.

“Lie down now!!” – Me

“No, thank you!” – Theo

“Wrong answer. Quick lie down, mommy will sing you Old MacDonald.” – Me

“Ok.” – Theo

Do you know how long it takes to go through 14 animals in the Old MacDonald song? Exactly 4 minutes and 26 seconds. Sometimes I try to sing very slowly, like when your walkman is out of battery and you’re trying to squeeze out those last few songs on your cassette tape? Kids these days with their iPhones will never understand the joy that is listening to a song  slow mo on your walkman because you can’t afford new batteries. And even when I sing that slowly, I stretch it out by another 3 minutes tops. After which the baby is right back his mischief making ways.

I think I’ll just give up and take a nap. At least this way one of us will have napped.

2.54 pm:

“Mommy, look at this.” – Theo

“Mommy is sleeping, I’ll look at it later. You need to go to bed too.” – Me

There’s no way whatever I’m supposed to look at is more interesting than my nap.

“Mommy, look at this! LOOK AT THIS!!” – Theo

He’s forcibly prying my eyelids open and his face is 2 inches from mine. I can’t not look.

Why is this happening? I can’t even.

3.18 pm: It’s been quiet for several minutes. I peer over slowly and this ridiculous baby is finally asleep.

That’s 2 hours of my life I’m never getting back. Sigh, but then again, maybe I don’t want to get it back. I spend the next 15 minutes just holding him and smelling his sweaty hair because this is the part I like the most. It’s like a reward for having endured the past 2 hours and now, I have this.

Worth it.

This.

This is exactly how baby Theo sleeps. I saw a video of this baby otter sleeping on its mommy and it is exactly my baby every single day. I never really understood the appeal of this particular sleeping posture but after seeing the video, it is all clear to me now.

Unfortunately, with Theo and baby Hayley both getting bigger, this is becoming quite impossible. I’ve been trying to find new ways for this baby to sleep but he  gets irrationally upset when he’s not snuggled up on top of me.

Yesterday, I told him this cannot go on anymore because there is baby Hayley is in mommy’s tummy and I can only handle one baby on top of me at any one time. There were a lot of tears but finally, he decided that the next best way to fall asleep was with his own baby Hayley. :)

This is Theo at 18 months. Such a studmuffin!

His brothers and sister call him a muffin for short because “he really likes to eat muffins and also looks like one.” By that logic, they also call him a cupcake and a char siew bao and a mochi and any number of food items that are both squishy and delicious.

He then responds with “MUFFIN?? WHERE??? EAT MUFFIN! GIVE ME ALL THE MUFFINS!!!” He is usually not pleased to discover that there are no muffins to be eaten and it doesn’t end well.

Theo at 18 months is super fun to hang out with because he gets very emotionally invested in things. He’s got all the feels all the time, which is way too much feels for such a little guy, but hey, I can’t argue with someone who believes in being all in emotionally.

These are the stages of Theo reading a book about a giraffe named Gerald who can’t dance and is mocked mercilessly by all the animals in the jungle.

Stage 1: Okay, a book about animals, I can totally go for that. 

Stage 2: I’m not sure I like where this story is going.

Stage 3: Full on frowny-face = WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME READ THIS, MOM???

Stage 4: I can’t even look at this anymore, make it go away!!

The story does end on a nice note, with Gerald finding his groove, but by then, it’s too little, too late. Emo baby can’t handle this much sadness in one book.

Oh hey, how’s it going? Here’s a high 5 coming to you from baby Theo. This baby takes his high fives very seriously, it’s a legit baby five phase happening here.

Like did you say snack time? Yeahh high 5. If he sees a bird outside the window, high 5. He finds dirt on the floor, it requires a high 5. Even when he’s super upset, he’ll high 5 through his tears, which is the most dedicated kind of high five one can get.

Except when sometimes, his calls for a high five goes unnoticed, and he’s like “um, guys…guys?? Anyone???”

And then, full on sadness. Poor baby can’t even.

Rightly so too, because one should never a leave a baby hangin’ like this, it’s just not done. So now we have a system wherein the other kids have started taking turns to be on high 5 patrol duty. How this works is that whenever baby Theo sticks up his hand, everybody scrambles to meet him up top. ;)

***

In other news, baby Theo is now a *confident unaided walker who’s walking *everywhere on his own.

By *confident, I actually mean resembling a drunk zombie baby who’s high on having one too many brains for breakfast. You know this because his head tilts a little too far to the side when he walks like it’s too heavy for his body and the rest of him is just desperately stumbling along after his head so he doesn’t fall over.

Like this.

And by *everywhere, I mean that he takes like 15 steps in the direction that he wishes to explore, and then sits his bum down on the floor because he’s too tired and besides, walking is for people who have no other options, such as a human slave to carry him around.

This happens every time we go out.

Mom, let’s go on an adventure! I’m a big boy and I’ll walk all on my own, c’mon let’s go!

Hang on, I’m just gonna take a little break here.

Mmmkay, it’s getting kind of hot and I’m not sure I can go on.

Also, my leg hurts right here, I think it’s badly injured. I’ll need to be carried now.

♥♥♥

Yesterday, Tru asked, “Mom, can you take pictures of baby Theo and write some funny words so I can read it?”

“You mean on the blog?”

“Yeah, on the blog. Just a lot of words all the time is like, you know, boring,” he said.

“Hey, you did not just call me boring, young man. But sure, that’s a great suggestion.”

//Ok Tru, this one’s for you. Thanks for being my biggest (and most brutally honest) fan.

***

Baby Theo loves his balls. He’s very possessive about his balls. Ain’t nobody can touch his balls because they’re his and no, permission not granted.

Among all his favourite balls, this one is his most favourite.

He goes everywhere with this ball. One hand to crawl, the other hand to clutch his precious ball.

Sadly for baby Theo, he has 3 older siblings who know of his ball obsession and also think it’s hilarious to make his ball(s) suddenly disappear when he’s not looking.

Clearly, warnings must be issued.

“Listen up, y’all! This is my ball.  No disappearing allowed.”

“Seriously guys, I mean it. Look at my serious face. This is exactly how serious I am.”

“I’m keeping my eye on you, all of you.”

I have a bad feeling about this. I’d better hold it tighter close to my chest to be safe.

What?? Did somebody say squirrel? WHERE???

WHERE IS THIS SQUIRREL YOU SPEAK OF??? I see no squirrel. LIES!!

Wait…WHERE IS MY BALL????? BALLLLLLLLL!!!

“Mommmmmm, go yell at kor kors and jie jie. Look, they did it again, they tricked me and took my ball.” :(

Me: Guys, nobody trick baby Theo and nobody take his ball, understand?

Tru + Kirsten + Finn: Okay…

Theo: Hahahahahahahahahaha. Look who’s getting the last laugh.