Last Friday, I was invited to test drive the Subaru Forester for a day. Generally, when somebody asks me to take their car out for a spin, I try not to refuse. I’m accommodating that way.

When I told my mom, she was all like “what do you know about cars?” and I admit, I was stumped for a while. Cars fall into the category of things I like to pretend I know a lot about, so I have all the handy key words like torque and fuel injection but I’m not very sure how it differs from the regular injections I try to stay away from. For a long time, I thought the boot was the thing in front with all the engine parts.

So I guess that makes me a very bad car reviewer but I did some very extensive research on google beforehand to make up for it. I also made up a list of all the things to look out for in a car. I wanted to bring a clipboard along and put a pen behind my ear to look more professional but the husband said I’d only look like a douchebag so I ditched it. Then when I reached the Subaru showroom to pick up the car, the guy behind the counter looked at me very dubiously and that’s when I knew I probably should have trusted my instincts and brought my clipboard.

Me: Hi, I’m here to test drive the Forester.

Counter guy: Are you from the media?

Me: Er…yes?

Counter guy: *looking suspicious* Which media are you from? SPH?

Me: Daphne Media. It’s kind of like SPH, just a lot smaller, but totally works the same way.

He looked even more suspicious but then he made a phone call and I was ushered to a waiting area to snack on some pastries to wait while they brought the car out.

But back to the car. I knew the Forester was an AWD so I wanted to take it out on some rough terrain to give it a go, but I couldn’t find any dirt tracks so we decided to head out to Sentosa instead. We loaded up the kids, two car seats, a stroller and about 10 bags into the car and drove off with the wind in our hair.

You can check out the specs of the car on the website but I’ll summarize the good stuff here for you.

1. Acceleration

There’s only one way I like my cars – fast. I also like them big, but fast is way more important, especially if it makes that low rumbly sound when I floor the accelerator. With a 2.5-liter engine, I can already feel the difference from my trusty Honda Jazz. The moment I hit the expressway, I couldn’t resist stepping on it to feel the surge of acceleration. Let’s just say that hypothetically, if I was driving at 130km/h, the car didn’t even flinch, which I can’t say the same about my 1.5-liter Jazz.

2. Sunroof

I actually didn’t notice the sunroof until we were almost at Sentosa. I was waiting at a traffic light so I started fiddling with all the buttons and next thing I knew, it was like my Batmobile transformed. There’s something about having a sunroof that makes you feel like James Bond. All I needed was a tux and a fake accent and I would have rocked the look. Although we decided to close it after 2 minutes because it was messing up my hair, and all the cool air was escaping and we didn’t want to arrive at Sentosa looking like a couple of sweaty hillbillies with big hair. Still, it was fun while it lasted.

3. Generous boot space

You probably won’t appreciate the need for a large boot if you don’t have kids unless you’re a serial murderer looking for somewhere to stash those bodies, but take it from me, when it comes to space, bigger is always better. At one point, we had two strollers, two car seats, a mountain of toys and a thousand bags squeezed into the boot. Sometimes, I’ve got stuff stacked so high I can’t even see out of my rear mirror, which I’m fairly certain is a traffic offense.

4. Cruise control

I didn’t quite figure out how to work this but it would have been a nice feature to have, seeing that you can actually take your foot off the accelerator without crashing to a halt. So if you ever need to change your pants in the car, like I sometimes do, then you can do it discreetly while driving. Definitely a plus.

On the flip side, I was hoping the back would be a bit more roomy. With two Maxi Cosis behind, there wasn’t much room left for ferrying passengers. At best, only a very thin person could squeeze in from the front and even then, the ride would be quite uncomfortable. The accessories inside weren’t spectacular and I was only ok with the design. I prefer my cars curvy like a blonde bombshell, and the Forester, it’s more like a lumberjack, all masculine and dripping with testosterone.

Also, with the skyrocketing COE prices, it’s hardly easy on the wallet. But it’s also not extortionate so if you have the moolah to spare, it’s probably what they call value for money.

Then again, you might want to test it for yourself first.

Mothers get all the fun baby accessories. You have the awesome but also feminine-looking beco baby-carrier, Kate Spade diaperbags, the Medela Twin Turbo Breast pumps, to name a few.

Daddies basically carry around the aforementioned which is totally inergonomical and ill-fitting to our muscular frame *flex*.

Despondent by the lack of customised accessories and crackpot gizmos for the new father, I have spent the past year and a half working closely with Deuter to come up with the ultimate bag for dads that is called – wait for it - the BagDad.

In spite of the apparent misnomer it is well known that Iraqis do not make anything besides chemical bombs so I’m not too concerned about the implications here.

The Bagdad is a ground-breaking, cutting edge piece of technology that blends the best of military, motorbiking and culinary equipment.

The Bagdad

1. Milk Distillation/Hydration System

The man-boob debuted in 2004′s Meet the Fockers but the past six years have seen tremendous strides taken in the field of perfecting what is now commonly known as the “milk moob”.

The Bagdad’s milk moob involves a complex liposuction system that basically breaks down the fats of the carrier in yet another complex process similar to that of a woman expressing milk. Without going into the technical details, fathers can now lose anywhere between 10-25 kg wearing the Bagdad and also feed the baby for somewhere between 18 months to a year.

2. Helmet

A child’s mind is his most valuable possession. This helmet has a built-in audio system that will loop the theme song from Special Agent OSO as studies have proven that too much Sesame Street increases the intelligence of a person disconsolately. It was King Solomon who said that ”too much study wearies the mind” and I totally concur.

3.  Tantrum Stabilizing

This is for strapping the baby’s arms together similar to that of a mental patient in a straight jacket. Best used with the Contoured and Removable Hip Belt with Gear Loops (See below).

4. Food Channelling Sternum Strap

Older babies will move towards consuming solids like crushed oreos with melted butter or shredded lard deep fried in olive oil (cos its *healthier* that way). The food channelling sternum strap feeds your little twinkie baby from an interior storage compartment that maintains it at an optimum temperature to maintain a thin crisp,especially for the shredded lard.

5. Contoured Shoulder Straps for Baby’s buttocks.

There are times when you absolutely need to hoist your baby high up in the air; for example when you’re clubbing and there’s a hovering cloud of smoke just about face-height or when you get caught spitting gum onto the ceiling. It’s self-explanatory, really.

6. Poop Suction (the Deuter Alpine System).

The irritating thing about kids is that they do their business as and when they feel like it. By purchasing the S-plug or the Splug (sold seperately at $39.90) to connect your child to the Poop Suction or as the fancy-pants suit at Deuter insists I call it, the Deuter Alpine System, you no longer have to worry about diaper changes or wet-wipe warmers.

7. Contoured and Removable Hip Belt with Gear Loops.

I’m a firm believer that every child needs to be disciplined. Inspired by Mel Gibsons’s the Passion of the Christ, The Contoured and Removable Hip Belt with Gear Loops will ensure a memorable and life-transforming disciplinary session for your child. You can also customise it by purchasing Barb Hooks with Heatable tips at $9.99 or simply purchase a Whip Extension at $4.99 to give you that extra dimension (and length) for that escaping baby.

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To purchase Bagdad, visit www.deuter.com.

Key in [Motherinc] as the promo code for a 20% discount.

Jules and Jim Maternity

I’m kind of an expert on pregnancy because I’ve done it twice and everyone knows that if you do something twice, you start to really kick ass at it. I hate to boast but I’m very good at being pregnant. I’m like a natural. In fact, I’m trying very hard to be less good at it. Some skills in life you don’t really need and this is probably one of them.

But that is exactly why I’m qualified to dish out pregnancy advice to people who aren’t so good at it. Unless you’ve already got 8 kids then I throw myself at your mercy, Grand Master (sextuplets only count as 1, so I’m totally on par with the Gosselins).

So here goes. Advice #1. Don’t buy pregnancy clothes.

Because most of them look like curtains. You know the kind I’m talking about, the shapeless dresses  in pastel colors with the large ribbon around the center. (We all get that your baby is a gift, there’s no need to be that painfully obvious). Also, having a huge ass is enough ammo for people to crack jokes at your expense and you really shouldn’t help them.

That’s unless of course you buy designer togs. Except that maternity couture is even more expensive than regular ones (you didn’t think that all that extra cloth was free, did you?) and you’d end up wearing the same $300 pants everyday without washing for 6 months. Which is kind of gross. And then people will still laugh at you.

I was prepared to wear oversized sweats everyday, until I found out about Maternity Exchange’s rental program. I was kind of iffy about the whole idea at first because one time I got a bag of hand-me-downs from my friend’s cousin’s somebody and it smelt like the underpants of that somebody with very bad body odor who died. Suffice to say, I did not wear it. So the first thing I did when I stepped into the shop was to take a big whiff of the clothes. But they all smelt pretty good.

I found the range to be decent and some of them could probably be cheaper but it’s not cool to haggle with couture.

Now, if you didn’t listen to my advice and went out to buy a truckload of maternity clothes and they’re now moth bait in the back of your drawers, it’s not too late. The guys at MX have launched a ‘Buy My Love’ program and while they may not actually be able to afford your love, they are willing to buy some of your maternity pieces for their collection. That’s almost half as cool as packing them up and sending it all over to some third world country where they’ll make some very pregnant girls very happy.

Speaking of which, I’m very happy to be announcing a new giveaway. There’s 2 (two) $50 Maternity Exchange vouchers up for grabs and you’ll be able to pick out some fancypants maternity wear.

To enter this giveaway, just answer the following question in the Comments section of this post: What’s your favorite maternity outfit? I’ll go first. Yoga pants and a singlet.

Winners will be chosen using a highly scientific (read: random) method and announced on 14 Feb.

And since we are all winners, you’ll all be getting a $10 MX voucher and all you need to do is head town to their flagship store at Marina Square and shout “I love Mother, INC”. I’m just kidding. About the shouting bit. You can whisper it if you want and they’ll still give you the voucher. Happy shopping.

UPDATED: Using my very scientific random generator…here are the winners!

Congratulations to Chrystal and Jen! You gals will be contacted via email for details.

After 2 back to back pregnancies, my skincare regime has gone out the window. At first, like all new mothers, I was really concerned about finding a product that was safe for the baby. Then as my search progressed, I realized that quality products design with pregnant mothers in mind were few and far between. Eventually, I was content just to look for something that would not give me rashes, itches or hives.

Imagine my excitement when I came across a range by DAX Cosmetics that was specially catered for pregnant and breastfeeding mothers. Neatly termed Perfecta Mama, it’s got a whole range of thoughtfully-designed stuff like day and night face cream, stretch marks prevention cream, legs cooling cream to prevent swelling and breast calming balm, all to meet the needs of mothers.

Perfecta Mama Day and Night Cream

Perfecta Purifying Face Gel

For the past month, I’ve been on the Perfecta Purifying face wash and the Perfecta Mama day and night cream. Tru was also given a sunscreen milk for his swimming escapades.

The face wash was alright, but thanks to microgranules, it seemed like a cross between a scrub and a face wash. Only thing is, it was a to be a bit too strong for daily use thrice a day on my delicate baby skin. So I kinda use it only in the evenings to exfoliate.

The day and night cream turned out to be a real gem though. It’s versatile enough to be a make-up base, and also work as a moisturizer for my mornings and evenings. It was light and not too oily. Plus, it’s got folic acid, extract of Japanese Mandarin and oat milk. Don’t ask me what that does, but it’s good. I also liked that the smell wasn’t too funky.

As for Tru’s sunscreen, that was a real HIT. It comes in a cool blue bottle and the spray is actually blue in color. Tru thinks it’s real manly (as opposed to the sissy cream I used to apply on him) and it’s now a regular feature in his swimming sessions. He tried to eat it on a few occasions, and stuff some in his eye, but not to worry, he’s still kicking and not blind. Which means it’s made with  all kinds of good stuff.

Blue Suncreen Milk for Kids

For more details on their products, check out www.collagencentre.com . They are also offering Mother, Inc readers (apparently you just have to mention it – boy, that makes me feel like a real somebody) a special promo, so you might want to head down to Tanglin Shopping Centre to check that out.

For more information on my advertising/product reviews policy, click here.

My first experience with Jamu after giving birth to my boy last year was quite an ordeal. There was this tiny lady with giant muscles who attacked my back with tremendous gusto and then proceeded to slather globs of hot green goo on my body. After 5 sessions, I decided to call it quits, vowing never to try it again. I also didn’t seem to lose any of the weight I gained from pregnancy. Total bummer.

Naturally, when I was offered the chance to try a complimentary Jamu massage by Origins Jamu, I thought long and hard about subjecting myself to the torture all over again. Besides, this second pregnancy has not been kind to me, leaving my 30kg heavier and my back all tied up in knots. I was exhausted and in pain most of the time.

Before I decided to go for it, I did my homework and checked out the Origins Jamu Massage website. It didn’t seem as brutal and I also heard a lot of good stuff about the benefits of hot stone compress, like alleviating backaches and aiding lactation. I badly needed both.

To be honest, I was a little nervous when the therapist arrived, and I prepared myself mentally for some serious pain. I also took a not so casual glance at her muscles, just to make sure they weren’t oversized. She came prepared with an array of lotions and the hot stones, which she proceeded to heat up over the stove. It was all so awesomely primitive that my curiosity got the better of my nerves.

As it turns out, the massage was a lot more enjoyable than I expected. There was none of that karate chopping and plenty of nice, relaxing massage. In fact, it was so good I almost dozed off a couple of times, which is a pretty mean feat considering my recent bouts of insomnia. I particularly liked the hot stone compress, which instantly cleared my engorged breasts and caused them to spontaneously leak milk like it was raining. For a breastfeeding mom where milk is a scarcity, leaky breasts are a welcome sight.

I still can’t say if it’s any good in the weight loss department because it’s too early to tell, but I certainly stepped out feeling better about myself. Now if it will just shave off that remaining 15kg I’m still lugging around, that would be perfect. I hear my old sized 27 jeans calling out to me.