Kidspeak

During our bedtime chat last night:

Kirsten: I want a mei mei. Can I have a mei mei?

Me: You do? I’m not agreeing to one yet but even if I have another baby, it might not be a girl, you know?

Kirsten: Because girls are more difficult to make? Must make the long hair and the eyes and the toes…

Me: Hahahhaha I guess you could see it that way. But you do know that mommy doesn’t actually *make* the baby right?

Kirsten: Your stomach makes the baby?

Me: No, not really. God makes the baby and mommy’s stomach is just like a storage area for the baby to grow until she’s ready to come out to meet you. We’ll talk about the biology of that another day, okay?

Kirsten: Did God make me too?

Me: Of course, sweetheart. He made you really really special.

*pause*

Kirsten: I think I will ask God to start making a mei mei for me now and I will share my Barbie phone with her.

Me: Um, ok maybe not right now. This storage facility needs to rest. Like in a year or two would be good.

Kirsten: Dad, I think you need to bathe.

Husband: Hey, I did bathe ok.

Kirsten: But your face is very dirty.

Husband: This? It’s my stubble, not dirt.

Kirsten: Um, you need to wash it.

Husband: Ok, ok, fine, I’ll go shave.

***

Kirsten: WAH.

Husband: Wah what?

Kirsten: WAH, why your hair so handsome ah?

Husband: Hahahaha, I went to cut my hair. Thanks for the enthusiasm.

***

Kirsten: Mom, look at my barbie language. *sashays and shakes her bottom*

Me: Is it like a new dance move?

Kirsten: No, barbie language means backside.

Me: Are you like high? What shows have you been watching?

Kirsten: Ariel! Look, Ursula says “Barbie language”. *shows me the clip*

Me: Ohhh, it’s BODY language, not barbie language and it doesn’t mean backside.

Kirsten: Body language means shake your backside?

Me: Um, no. Sort of. Wow, this is difficult to explain. Body language means you’re talking with your body instead of words. So it can be shaking your backside or other things like eating or sleeping.

Kirsten: *looks confused* I think never mind lah.

Being a baby, Finn usually goes to bed earlier than the other two kids and he wakes up well after they’ve left for school. He does wake up in between for feeds but his nighttime sleeping routine starts at 9pm and ends at about 9 the next morning.

During that time, his siblings will come into the room to kiss him at least twice – once to kiss him goodnight when it’s their bedtime and again to kiss him goodbye when they leave for school. It’s all sweet and good but all this kissing usually means that they’ll rouse him from slumber and make him upset. Which makes me upset because there goes my quiet mommy time to get some work done.

Last night, Kirsten came to kiss baby Finn and for once he didn’t stir. So she decided to yell “WAKE UP BABY FINN, JIE JIE WANT TO KISS YOU!!” into his right ear. It obviously worked because he woke up and started bawling.

After I finally got him back to sleep, I decided that it was time to lay down some ground rules.

“Kids, we need to lay down some ground rules.” I said with the sternest voice I could muster. “First, no shouting when Finn is asleep. You’ve got to use your quiet inner voice. Do you know what that is?”

“mpphhh pfhhh ssssss?” Kirsten cupped her hands over her mouth and whispered.

“I have no idea what you just said. I don’t mean talk like a fish, just talk quietly but it is still intended for humans.”

“I said, is it like this??” she repeated.

This time, it was well above a whisper, but slightly softer than her usual speaking voice. It would have to do.

“Well, yes, slightly softer would be good but this is fine,” I said with a sigh. “Number two, no more kissing. You can think of other ways to show your affection, as long as you don’t go near him or touch him.”

“How about we give him a pretend kiss?” Truett suggested.

“Sure, that’s ok. Pretending is good.”

“Can we pat his face?” Kirsten asked.

“No, that violates the no-touching rule. Think of something else.”

“I know, we can stand very far and wave to him,” she ventured helpfully.

“Ok, yes. I think you’re getting the drift. You guys can make monkey faces at him for all I care, just make sure you be quiet and don’t touch him, that’s all I ask.”

I knew it was a mistake because I could see her eyes sparkle the moment those words left my mouth.

Let’s just say I wouldn’t be surprised if they spend the next few days making monkey faces at him. But then I guess it beats having her yell in his ear. This is me picking my battles.

Puppy Love 

My mom’s dog, Mickey, goes ballistic every time a stranger walks past our door. Yesterday, he was barking his head off at the McDelivery guy and when Tru tried to calm him down, he went batshitcrazy and bit him on the hand.

Tru: OUCH!!

Husband: Are you ok? Did Mickey bite you?

Tru: No no, Mickey didn’t bite me.

Husband: Let me take a look at your hand.

Tru: He just accidentally poked my hand with his teeth.

Husband: Uh, there’s a word for that, it’s called biting.

Tru: Never mind, I’m ok. See, no blood.

Me: Good thing it’s minor or I will accidentally on purpose slaughter him.

Stickler for Details

It was a dull, rainy Sunday morning and the kids were bored to tears from being cooped up at home on their designated swimming day. After scattering every toy they have in every corner of the house, they turned to their baby brother for some entertainment. They hugged him and kissed him and tickled his toes, then when that got boring, they started prodding him with a small stick.

Husband: Hey, are you guys poking baby Finn with a stick?

Kirsten: No, we didn’t poke him. We just sayang him only.

Husband: With a stick?

Kirsten: We are very gentle, we just hold the stick like that gently. *Reenacts the poking*

Husband: Yeah, right. How about you don’t poke him at all.

Kirsten: Sighhh, ok.

Silver Screen

5 minutes later, on the same rainy morning, they came up with a new request.

Kirsten: Mom, can we watch The Incredibles on the iPad?

Me: You guys were watching Disney Junior earlier right? I think you’ve reached your TV quota for the day.

Tru: But we never ask to watch TV. We just want to watch on the iPad.

Me: It’s the same thing, just smaller.

Kirsten: How about on the iPhone?

Me: Nice try. Still no. Go do something that doesn’t involve a screen and moving pictures.

The Bees Knees

Kirsten: PEE-NEES!!

Both kids: Hahahahaha

Tru: PEE-NEES!!

Both kids: Hahahahahahaahah

Me: What’s this game you guys are playing?

Kirsten: We say pee-nees because it’s funny.

Me: I think you mean PEE-NUS? And how is it funny?

Tru: No it’s pee-nees. It’s funny. PEE-NEES!!

Both kids: Hahahahahah

Me: I know it’s sort of near the knees but it’s pee-nus. Unless you mean bees knees.

Kirsten: BEES PEE NEES!

Both kids: Hahahahahahhahahhahahah

Me: Ok, I give up. Carry on.

Family

*Door slamming sounds*

Kel: Guys, no slamming the door.

*More door slamming sounds*

Kel: Hey, who was it that slammed the door? Go with me to the naughty corner.

Kirsten: Not me, it’s kor kor.

Tru: Both! We both did it together.

Kirsten: NO, it’s kor…ok fine fine I will go with you to the naughty corner. We are family.

*gives Tru a hug from behind*

Kel: *sighh* You both get a free pass this time but no more slamming doors, understand?