The end of nursing?

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Lately, I’ve been thinking that maybe it’s finally time to call it on the breastfeeding. I don’t know, I’m really waffling on this one. Right from the start, my plan was to nurse Theo for 9 months and we’ve made it.

I was munching on baby Theo’s juicy thighs, and I thought, “hey, well done me!” Pop the champagne and take a bow, I’m out.

Typically, this would be an easy decision to make (no more biting, no more yanking, no more violent spasms of pain!) and rationally, this feels like the right time to wean, but I just can’t shake off the feeling that I’ll regret it. It doesn’t make any sense.

A lot of things about motherhood don’t make sense, which explains why we second guess ourselves so much over all these parenting decisions. On the one hand, our heads tell us that these are the right choices, they make sense, and therefore we should do them. But why does it feel wrong, like my mommy spidersense is yelling for me to override my logical brain?

There are so many reasons why now a good time to wean: he’s a champ at eating solids, he’s taking the bottle well, and he’s been distracted lately, unlatching to smile and talk and play during feeds (so disruptive! but adorable!!).

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Plus the recent episode at the hospital has acted as a sort of catalyst. There’s been a noticeable drop in milk production while he was on the IV drip, coupled with an engorgement/biting soreness situation going on that feels like a mother bear just slashed me in the boob with her claws. At first, I was determined to power through it, because I do not surrender to pain (ok, I got some painkillers and meds from the doctor – I surrender to pain very quickly all the time). I mean, if this happened earlier, I’d do whatever it takes to continue breastfeeding but at this point, maybe I should take it as a sign to stop.

I sort of made a mental decision to wean a few days ago (even went out to buy formula) and you know how when you decide on something and immediately feel that sinking feeling in your gut that tells you it’s the wrong call? That happened.

As I fed Theo knowing that it was nearing an end, I suddenly had a major craving for this to continue forever, to feel the weight of a baby in my arms, to look at his contented little face dozing off as he drank, to inhale his baby smell and stroke his chubby cheeks, urgh, I’m so predictable. What I know for sure is that I’ll miss it so very much when it’s over.

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This is turning out to be a really hard call to make.

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  • Reply Anonymous May 8, 2015 at 8:03 pm

    Hi, don’t quit if ur heart tells u not to!:)

  • Reply Adeline May 8, 2015 at 10:14 pm

    Time for another baby! ;)
    Adeline´s last post ..Friday Flips #13: Goodnight, Goodnight, Construction Site

  • Reply betty May 8, 2015 at 10:14 pm

    Hello! I’ve been following you closely since your month because my boy was also a July baby. I’m still nursing him and have recently been thinking if I should stop too. It’s my 2nd child by the way and I know it is an easy but yet difficult decision, if you know what I mean. Go with your heart :)

    • Reply betty May 8, 2015 at 10:15 pm

      Oops I meant that I’ve been following you since your pregnancy.

  • Reply Awesome Foursome May 9, 2015 at 12:47 am

    I normally soldier on until at least the baby/toddler gets Roseola. You know, the days of high fever, grouchiness and reduced appetite? I saw first hand how my firstborn refused to consume anything and it was only breastfeeding that provided the comfort and nutrition for those torturous 3-4 days, Thankfully my 4 kids get Roseola before they turn 2 haha.

  • Reply Pris May 9, 2015 at 4:05 am

    I would say go on as long as your heart wants to. He might very well be your last baby. My second one is 22 months and I still give him the boob once daily. I think it’s comfort sucking by now but he loves it and would almost shout for joy whenever he gets the boob! By the way, WHO recommends breastmilk for kids even up to 2 years!

  • Reply Priscilla May 9, 2015 at 10:12 pm

    Go with what you think is best for you and baby. I’m super on about BFing (I even took 2 years of childcare leave to have a successful tandem nursing relationship with my kids back then) and when my 9 month old 2nd child called it quits on me 3 years ago, I had to mourn the end of our nursing relationship. I kept asking myself what went wrong. My firstborn was and still is a nursing champ. I kinda feel like a nursing expert since number 1 was so into nursing, but then when number 2 quit on her own, it was hard for me to accept it. Number 1 is 5 and still nursing along with my current 8 month old. LOL! I wonder when he will quit on me but I’m just gonna take things easy. If weaning happens, it happens. If not, let’s just see how long he will go on…

  • Reply Rachael (FTWM) May 11, 2015 at 6:28 pm

    Continue nursing if your heart desires. Many of my friends regretted after they weaned off their babies. The comfort, warmth and bonding that both mom and child enjoy during the process cannot be replaced. Don’t let baby’s age be the deciding factor, let him wean off by himself if conditions permit.

    I breastfed my #1 till he was 5.5 years old and is now still breastfeeding my almost 3-year-old #2.

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