breastfeeding, the breast things in life are free

Booby Trap


If baby Finn could talk, his favorite phrase would be “I WANT BOOBS!!” You’d think that it means he wants milk, but no, it’s the boobs that he’s after. Well, occasionally he does want the milk when he’s hungry but he only takes about 6-7 full feeds a day. The rest of the time, he just wants to use me as a human pacifier while letting the milk trickle out of the side of his mouth.

I tried giving him a pacifier and it worked for a couple of days until he realized that hey, this feels plasticky and wrong. So we played the spit-the-pacifier-out-while-I-stuff-it-back game, which I obviously lost because the spitting part is so much easier.

For him, every successful spit = 10 points.

For me, catching it in time = 5 points, aiming it into his tiny mouth = 5 points. If it falls onto the floor = -50 points + I have to go rinse it.

It’s a stupid game.

So, boobs. Thanks to his obsession, the entire area from my shoulder down to my waist is now a demilitarized zone. Unless he’s hungry, he’s not allowed to smell it or touch it or look at it or go near it. Which means I can only carry him facing forward and keep him as far away from THE ZONE as possible. The cradle hold against my chest? Impossible unless I want them to come under attack.

And by attack, I mean that he’ll burrow his head furiously into my boobs and suck on my t-shirt in a frenzy. He’ll be all “2 layers of clothing are keeping me away from these boobs? Imma eat them, nom nom nom…” It’s cute and terrifying at the same time.

Last weekend, a friend offered to hold him for a moment and she made the mistake of going for the cradle hold. My son took it as a cue for feeding time and started attacking her boobs. Even though I’ve just fed him 10 minutes ago and there ain’t no milk from these particular boobs. It was just awkward on so many levels.

I’m going to have to teach him the see-no-touch rule.

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  • Reply Momo January 2, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    But he’s so handsome! How can you reject him? Lol

    • Reply Daphne January 3, 2013 at 11:09 pm

      LOL good point there…I definitely cannot resist his charms sighh

  • Reply JustHeather January 2, 2013 at 11:34 pm

    LOL! Thankfully my boy is only wanting my boobs non-stop at night. During the day he doesn’t need to be attached to me at the boob. Although, that could still happen in time… I hope this phase is short lasting for you.
    JustHeather´s last post ..20:14

    • Reply Daphne January 3, 2013 at 11:12 pm

      He’s actually ok if he doesn’t see or smell my boobs so I have to hold him facing out. But if I hold him near them he’ll just go crazy.

  • Reply Stella January 3, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    When I was still breastfeeding, my son tried suckling on my 70-year-old dad’s manboobs because they were dangling out of his ah pek singlet. AWKWARD on so many levels too, and in caps.

    Then again, maybe my son was onto something. If Dustin Hoffman can breastfeed, so can kongkong, right?!

    • Reply Daphne January 3, 2013 at 11:14 pm

      OMG this is the best comment ever. I laughed so hard I almost spat out my coffee, true story – ask the husband.

  • Reply Elaine January 3, 2013 at 3:17 pm

    Well, I hope your friend has breastfed before, in which case she will completely understand. Sophia was like that too, and worse, she will just scream for boobs whether she is near one or not. For the first 4 months of her life, she was only in 3 states (1) asleep (2) screaming for boob (3) having a boob in her mouth. That’s it. So Finn’s actions are perfectly socially acceptable for a baby. That photo’s beyond cute!
    Elaine´s last post ..First day of new school

    • Reply Daphne January 3, 2013 at 11:28 pm

      Hahah yeah she didn’t really mind but still awkward…

  • Reply Apple Lee January 4, 2013 at 9:36 am

    oh for my 1st boy, he was also like Finn.. keeps “attacking” the boobs whenever he was being carried. At one point I was so upset because there was no way I can carry him on non-feeding times because everytime I carried him, he will immediately went “the cow is here!”… So end up everyone can carry him except me and of course, he even tried to “rip” off my gf’s clothes to touch their boobs whenever my gfs tried to carry him…. sigh!… in the end, i give up breastfeeding (and also many other reasons involved) so that I will have a “sane” son whenever I bring him out :P….. hahaha

  • Reply Y U NO SLEEP? January 8, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    […] wants only 2 things: to be carried and boobs, preferably […]

  • Reply Serenely January 14, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    Oh wow… it’s hard to imagine this cute innocent little face in a boob frenzy. But it sounds pretty cute actually, in a bizarre sort of way.
    Serenely´s last post ..Stories of Long Ago: Mixed Blood

    • Reply Daphne January 15, 2013 at 2:06 pm

      Yeah it’s cute…only when it’s not your boobs he’s attacking.

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