Funny or So I think, yet another pregnancy scare

I’ve never been this happy to have a stomach flu

Did you know that the early symptoms of stomach flu and pregnancy are *exactly* the same? I didn’t. But well, apparently they are.

So I’ve been feeling all nauseous and vomity and bloaty since Saturday and it got progressively worse so I went to the doctors to get it checked out. I sat down and described all my symptoms like I usually do and the doctor looked all thoughtful for a while and I was expecting something like “sounds like a stomach flu, I’ll just prescribe you some medication” but no. Instead, he said “you could possibly be pregnant” and he made me pee in a cup just to be sure.

Usually, I do very well peeing in a cup. But it was like somebody telling me that I just won a trip to a North Korean prison cell and at first you’ll be all like “I WON!” but then you realize that you don’t actually want to be in a prison cell in any country and your pee goes back into your bladder. That kind of feeling.

Not that being pregnant is like being in prison. Because right after, I felt awful that the first thought I had when I thought I could be pregnant was NOOOOOO instead of YESSSSSSS. If I’m pregnant again, I want to celebrate and jump and scream like I just won the lottery (the third time). Except that the thought of another baby right now scares me. Like a lot.

Also, girls should not even have to attempt to pee in a cup that has the circumference of a 20 cent coin. It’s not like I have a thing to whip out and aim at stuff. I mean, if I were a guy, I could probably pee into a pinhole but girls need bigger cups to pee in if I don’t want to pee all over my hand. Which is kind of what I did.

Then after that, I had to take a quiz on family planning.

Doctor: Are you on any contraceptives?

Me: I’m still breastfeeding.

Doctor: That’s not a real contraceptive.

Me: And we’re practicing withdrawal.

Doctor: I’m not sure you know what a contraceptive is.

Me: Then it would be a no.

Doctor: You should, if you don’t plan to have another baby right now.

Me: I totally agree.

Long story short, I’m not pregnant but I am deathly ill, so much so that I’ve been crawling around the house like a legless zombie, which by the way, Tru thinks it’s hilarious and he chucked a dump truck at my head after I tried to grab his ankles. With my teeth. Which I completely regret now for 2 reasons. 1. My head feels like it suffered a mild concussion. 2. Now I’ll have to teach him to not throw things at people unless he’s sure it’s a zombie.

That’s what being ill with 2 kids does to you. It makes you do things you’ll regret the next morning. Although I’m not really complaining because at least I’m not preggers.

out of the box

The best part about feeding solids

Introducing solids to a baby is messy and gross and often frustrating. One day they love it and they can’t get enough then the next day, they decide it’s horse turd and it lands all over your living room floor. The feeding ain’t fun, the food slinging ain’t fun and the cleaning up after sure as hell is not my idea of fun.

So what makes a mom keep up the ordeal? Pretty little food cubes that are so fun to make.

a fresh batch of spinach, corn and pumpkin

It’s like therapy for me, steaming and mashing and blending all the colors of the rainbow to make stuff that may just turn out to be a hit with my kid. And when it’s thrown up everywhere, at least I had fun making it.

milestones & musings

Happy half-year birthday, baby girl

To my little princess,

You’re finally six months old. I couldn’t wait for you to reach this age because let’s face it, having a newborn is tough. You’ll understand when you have your own kids. The excitement of having a new baby wears off after 2 days and after that, you’re all like “I wish I gave this whole childbearing thing a little more thought” and “OMG please make this baby go back where it came from so she would stop crying“.

What, you thought I was going to wax lyrical about how wonderful it is to wake up every 25 minutes in the middle of the night not knowing how to make you fall asleep? Trust me, the novelty loses its charm.

Six months ago, I didn’t think I would survive having 2 kids back to back. My days and nights were one long, never-ending cycle of feeds and screaming and diaper changes and burping and more screaming and 15-minute naps and milk expressing and some more screaming.

Today, I welcome this milestone with open arms and much relief but also some wistfulness.

For most of that six months, I held you and sang to you and told you stories while you sat on my tummy and gazed into my eyes. Some days I wished you would grow up sooner so that I could talk to you about all the fun stuff we’d do next time like shopping in Paris and nibbling profiteroles on the Upper East Side. But I know that when you’re a little bigger, I’m really going to miss all those amazing baby moments I really love.

Like how I love the way your head flopped around and your legs gave way after exactly 2 seconds. I love how you gurgled when I told you stories about princesses and dragons. I love how you reserve your chuckles only for the really hilarious moments so that it’s special. I love the wide-eyed wonder whenever you see something new. I love how you suck on all four fingers instead of your thumb. In a weird way, I really love how much you need me now like I’m your entire world.

Soon enough, your legs will be strong enough to stand without my help and you’ll be off running to see the world. You’ll be big enough to read stories on your own and make your own friends and fall in love with boys (but just choose 1 to marry, ok) and live life without needing momma by your side all the time. I’m going to miss having baby you when that happens.

Thanks for sticking with me even though I killed your bear. And all those times that I had no idea how to make you feel better, thanks for looking at me like I’m the best momma in the world.

You know, the toughest thing about being a mom is knowing what’s best for you and loving you the way you need to be loved as you grow. To let go when I need to and stay close enough so that you know I’ll always be around when you need me. If I ever get too clingy, it’s only because in my eyes, you’re always going to be my baby. Even when you’re 25 and married. But I promise to be cool, or at least try.

Love,

Momma