I had some snuggle time with my big boy Truett two nights ago and as he turned to give me a goodnight kiss, he jabbed me in the ribs so hard with his pointy, bony big boy elbow I almost passed out. This boy is all tall and lanky and gangly right now.
“Ok, night! I’m super tired, you can go now.”
“Hey, talk to mommy for just 10 minutes, I want to hear all about your day.”
*grunt mmmmhrrrmm grunt*
That was it. All 2 minutes and 12 seconds of snuggle time and I was being unceremoniously dismissed because my super snuggly services were no longer required. I hung around for a while and he was out like a light in another minute or so.
When Truett was really small, he would take an hour to fall asleep and I spent many nights (and days) thinking of how nice it would be if my baby could fall asleep in a solid minute. As a newly minted zombie parent, having a baby that could fall asleep quickly was like finding a unicorn who could shoot rainbows out of its ears. And I was hot on a unicorn hunt. Please God, if I could ask for just one thing, make my baby fall asleep in a minute. People say be careful what you wish for, because you might not want it once you get it. I hate it so much when these cliches turn out to be true, but GAH, here we are.
I normally handle these sort of moments quite well but I started getting all teary. I blame this video that I watched earlier in the day where women talked about what they would do if they were young again. It really gave me the feels – it’s sweet and wistful and nostalgic all at the same time.
“What I wouldn’t give for an extra second of cuddling my babies before they became too big to hold,” said one of these sweet old ladies.
This would totally be me in another 20 years. Saying the exact same words.
Suddenly, I really missed Truett. It’s strange because he was right there and I adore Truett the big boy, but I missed Truett my first baby, with his squishy hamburger face and tubby fingers. That baby is all gone. :(
So I stuck around next to him and ran my fingers through his hair, thinking of the time I ran my fingers through his hair as he he fell asleep on my chest for two hours one rainy, thundery afternoon 6 years ago. He was the perfect size for cuddling and I could hold him for as long as I wanted. Now I’m watching him get almost too big to hold and I’d probably suffocate if he fell asleep on my chest for two hours but I’m going to squeeze in a few more years of cuddling until it gets too weird to do it. TRU, I’M GOING TO CUDDLE YOU WHETHER YOU WANT ME TO OR NOT. THIS IS NOT OPEN FOR DISCUSSION.
I’m also going to hold my other 3 babies while I still can right now and they will have no say in this matter.
Look at this I-could-use-a-cuddle face. I’m going to look back at this face and cry.
Be all in while I’m still in.
PS. And to my kids, just so we’re clear, you guys will need to have babies (no, not now!! eventually!!!) because if I can’t cuddle you at 30, I’m going to need to cuddle your babies. This is also non negotiable.