Pregnancy hormones

by Daphne on January 27, 2012

in pregnancy

Thanks for all the congratulatory messages, it means a lot!

I’m still trying to wrap my head around this new pregnancy thing, alternating between sublime OMG I’M HAVING A BABY kind of euphoria and a terrifying OMG I’M HAVING A BABY kind of distress. Mostly the second part.

While I like the part about having the baby come out, I’m not too keen on the 9 months of pregnancy. I have friends who make pregnancy look so easy. They get that beautiful pregnancy glow. They get curves in all the right places. They get nice shiny hair and perfect skin. And they spend their entire pregnancy prancing around in size 6 designer maternity clothing.

Me, I get 30 kgs of curves added to my ass, which means I have difficulty getting into a size 12 and have to lumber around feeling downright miserable.

I’m hungry all the time but when I look at food, I immediately want to throw up. I’m exhausted but when I lie down, I toss and turn for hours before falling asleep. Most days, I just want to curl up on the floor and wait for time to pass me by.

Just two days ago, I had 30 minutes to grab a quick breakfast with the husband before he left for work. Being the third day of the Chinese New Year, most of the food places were still closed.  We settled for this coffeeshop along Beach Road but when we got in, we realized that only one stall was open and that my only options were kaya toast and soft boiled eggs. The husband was all spritely, like “sure, let’s eat here, everywhere else seems to be closed” so I figured I’d just grab a Milo and then go for a proper breakfast after he left.

But as I watched him enjoy his eggs and toast, I basically lost it.

“What kind of a ridiculous coffeeshop turns on all the lights and then only sells drinks? And who eats stupid kaya bread for breakfast? It’s not even a real breakfast and the smell is making me want to vomit. Baby needs noodles or rice or a piece of steak. They obviously hate my baby, it’s like they’re trying to starve me, amirite?”

The husband just sat there calmly and when I was done with my tirade, he was like “is this going to be like the *ice-chips incident?”

The “ice-chips incident” is a complicated one that will require another post but it is what we say when we refer to a pregnancy meltdown of epic proportions.

“No, it’s not like the ice-chips incident at all. Are you saying that I’m overreacting?”

“It could be the pregnancy hormones.”

“It’s got nothing to do with hormones. Baby is hungry and all I have to eat are half-cooked eggs. I’m going to need some real food. Do you want the baby to be malnourished?”

“I think the baby is going to be just fine. But you should go eat something nice later ok.”

“I’m not even sure I’m going to make it till later. I might pass out from hunger while driving and then it will be all your fault.”

“Definitely ice-chips.”

“I’m going to poison your eggs when you’re not looking.”

I made it to the noodle stall in Tampines without passing out but when I got there, I felt too nauseous to eat, so I went home and had a second milo, feeling all sorry for myself.

On the plus side, there are only 2 more weeks of my first trimester left and if the previous pregnancies are anything to go by, it’ll be a lot better then.

12 comments

And then there were 3

by Daphne on January 25, 2012

in getting ready for baby

Kids, that is.

Well, there’s technically 2 and a half now, but come August, there will be 3.

It’s no secret that we want lots of kids. I started out wanting 7 but then I actually gave birth to one and it was like “NOOOOO… WHAT HAVE I DONE??!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME PUT IT BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM.”

Then we fell in love with the squishy little bundle of cuteness and 4 months in, we found ourselves having another. I remember turning to the husband and saying “one baby is easy peasy, I could totally handle 2 no problem.”

Turns out, having 2 back to back was a lot harder than I thought. In fact, it was so bad that we immediately made a pact not to have kids for at least 3 years. It was like I was permanently scarred from having to deal with 2 infants (and I’m not talking about the episiotomy here). Sometimes when I feel the momnesia setting in, I make myself read the blog archives from when Kirsten was just born and I get a panic attack all over again. Suffice to say, the part of my brain that wants another baby goes into lockdown mode and the husband heaves a sigh of relief.

But now that the kids are outgrowing their toddler-ness, I find myself dreaming of having another tiny human that fits just right into the nook of my arm. To breathe in that intoxicating baby smell. To munch on chubby thigh rolls and hear the irresistible baby gurgle. To have another baby to baby all over again.

The grand plan was to make the baby in May this year, but we figured that we’d get a head start on it because I mean, what are the chances that we are going to score a baby the first time we have unprotected sex in 3 years? Apparently very high because I have overachieving ovaries.

So the big news is that we’re having a third little Kao.

It hasn’t been entirely easy – I’ve been bloatey, vomittey, crampey and in a constant state of general discomfort. 2 months in and and I already can’t wait for the baby to be out.

But we’re all really thrilled. And very thankful.

62 comments

贺新年, 祝新年!

by Daphne on January 23, 2012

in picture perfect

It’s Chinese New Year and we’re having a blast spending time with our folks, stuffing our faces with bak kwa and tossing food in the air for um, fun, mostly.

We’ll be doing more of the visiting and eating and food throwing for the next couple of days so in the meantime, here’s wishing all of you a happy and prosperous new year!

Gong Hei Fatt Choi!

PastedGraphic 2 贺新年, 祝新年!

3 comments

Quiz time: How much should I really be earning?

by Daphne on January 19, 2012

in quizzical

With all this talk of ministerial salaries going around, it’s easy to see how one’s worth is very much pegged to the amount of money they earn every month. On that count, stay home moms are either the most undervalued bunch or the most worthless because we get paid a grand total of $0.

Yes, I know it’s a choice we made. Yes, we get to take a nap in the middle of the afternoon. Yes, we get to spend all that precious quality time with our kids instead of having to slog it out in the office. And no, we don’t have a right to whine and moan about it.

But yet we can’t stop going on and on about how we’re in fact taking on 25 jobs and should be paid a truckload of money. The truth is, we’re not really asking people to pay us for the work we do. It’s just nice to feel valued once in a while and coming up with imaginary paychecks help make us feel better about ourselves.

So we give ourselves fancy titles like personal chauffeur, private chef, financial controller, chambermaid and counselor. But then the real private chefs get upset because ok let’s face it, stuffing a box of mac & cheese into the microwave hardly counts as gourmet chef-fing.

Which brings us to the point of today’s post. If you really want to justify your pay, you’ve got to do it right. And this quiz will help determine if you should in fact be paid all that money you claim to deserve.

Give yourself $500 for every time you answer A, $200 for B and $50 for C.

1. Culinary Aptitude

a) No, seriously, I am a private chef. I mean, look at me sous vide the hell out of this foie gras in exactly 47 minutes while I grill the filet mignon to perfection.

b) Ok kids, for lunch today, you have a choice between porridge with fish, porridge with chicken or porridge with vegetables.

c) I can pour milk into cereal without spilling and I’m really good at microwaving things.

2. Driving Skills

a) I always carry around a cup of water and a piece of tofu in my car because I can do the Jay Chou drift without spilling a drop of water or smashing the tofu.

b) I can get from point to point safely in good time.

c) Other drivers are always honking and making hand gestures at me. And these roads are so confusing, I can never find my way around.

3. Fashion Styling

a) My kids look like this.

benetton Quiz time: How much should I really be earning?

b) My kids look like this.

IMG 0313 Quiz time: How much should I really be earning?

c) My kids look like this.

IMG 6048 Quiz time: How much should I really be earning?

4. Cleaning Prowess

a) Dust? What dust? My house is scrubbed and sterilized 3 times a day. It’s so clean I can perform surgery in my living room.

b) I vacuum twice a week and do the laundry every other day.

c) I think my kid just swallowed a hairball but that’s ok, it’ll come out the other end.

5. Teacher, teacher!

a) I have a PhD in early childhood education and I can teach in 5 languages, including Latin, Aramaic and Japanese.

b) I can handle basic phonics and math. After all, I did make it through 16 years of formal education.

c) This education thing is overrated and I don’t see the point of learning to spel.

6. Poop Cleaning

For voluntarily touching another human being’s poop with your hands, everyone deserves $500.

7. Private Entertainment 

a) I can act, sing, dance, do cartwheels and eat fire. In fact, I used to do it for a living.

b) Nobody has ever paid to hear me sing but I can hold a tune fairly well.

c) Whenever I sing to the kids, they cry even louder.

8. Art Classes

a) I sculpted a replica of Michelangelo’s David in my backyard, where it stands next to the Mona Lisa painting I did.

b) I can make little art pieces with glue and construction paper.

c) Why spend all that time cutting and gluing when I can print out coloring sheets for the kids on my laser printer?

Score:

Add up your total earnings and that’s how much you should make the husband pay you at the end of every month.

16 comments

Quite easily done

by Daphne on January 17, 2012

in coolest kids ever

I didn’t think I’d be saying this but this whole discipline thing has been getting easier now that the kids are a little bigger. For one, I hardly have to deal with them screaming and melting dramatically into the floor anymore.

Right now they’re at this wonderful age where they’re old enough to understand reason yet too young to do the defiant eye-roll and stomp off while raining curses at me under their breath. Oh, I am perfectly certain that the day will come because I was once the master of the killer eye-roll. If my kids are anything like me, I’m probably doomed so I’m just glad I still have time to figure out what I’m going to do when that day comes.

These days, I employ a 2-pronged approach to discipline. For misdemeanors like snatching toys or refusing to pack their room, they face the wall for 5 minutes. After the period of quiet reflection, they will usually calm down and wake up their idea. But for insolence and blatant disobedience, they face the wall and then have their privileges revoked – usually their favorite show on TV or their daily quota of gummies.

While I was bathing Kirsten yesterday, Tru came to ask if he could waterbomb my toilet with a handful of clear plastic bags. Um, let’s see, NO.

“Ok, fine,” he mumbled.

I had a feeling he was up to no good so I yelled after him, “I’m serious, don’t do it. Keep the bags. We’ll do waterbombs another day.”

By the time Kirsten was done, I found him in my toilet filling up the bags with water. For that, I told him he wasn’t allowed to watch Jake and the Neverland Pirates that evening. When the show started, he begged and pleaded but to no avail. I was sticking to my guns. His eyes filled up with little drops of tears when he saw Kirsten watching it, but he forced himself not to cry.

“Would you like to sit on the couch with momma to read a book?” I asked, not sure if he would throw a hissy fit or scream or flail.

He peered at his sister longingly from outside the door, then held his blankie and nodded, still with tears in his eyes. For 10 minutes, he sat on my lap and read a book while trying not to pay any attention to the happy piratey songs in the background. I knew it was excruciating for him and he was really trying to be good about it.

“Tru, you did really well so you get early parole for good behavior. There’s still 20 minutes of Jake left, you can go watch now.”

“THANK YOU MOMMY!” he grabbed my neck in a bear hug before running off.

After having my butt kicked by parenting for so long, it was nice to feel like a rock star for a change.

IMG 2778 Quite easily done

12 comments

Not so scary now

by Daphne on January 16, 2012

in swimmingly well

Lovely morning to start the week with. I hope you managed to get a bit of rest over the weekend and if not, there’s always the Lunar New Year break to look forward to this week.

5 days till the next long weekend, that ain’t so bad.

I spent my Sunday reading Neil Gaiman’s The Graveyard Book by the pool while the husband brought the kids for a swim. In my books, that makes for a splendid Sunday afternoon. I first attempted to read the novel in November of 2008, 5 months after Truett was born. As big a Gaiman fan as I was, I couldn’t get through the first chapter because I got too scared.

When I got to the part where the man Jack was hunting for the baby in the graveyard, I completely panicked. I mean, there I was, 5 months in as a new mom, with my maternal instincts raging out of control and reading about a baby trying to escape from a big scary man with a sharp blade, the same man who had already finished off the rest of his family.

I closed the book in a hurry, stuffed it at the bottom of my book drawer and forced myself to think happy thoughts instead.

Not that it was very effective because that same night, I dreamt that an evil pizza delivery guy was trying to take Tru away from me and when I tried to scream for help, not a sound came out from my mouth no matter how hard I tried. It was the longest silent dream scream I had to make and I woke up feeling more terrified than I had ever been in my life. Till this day, I don’t order pizza. True story.

3 years later, I decided it was time to read the book. The kids were bigger and my maternal instincts were under control. More or less.

So I did and it was thoroughly enjoyable.

I had to do it in broad daylight surrounded by lots of people and I kept looking up every few minutes to check in on the kids even though I knew they were safe with the husband but the important thing is that I finished it. Maybe next week, I’ll do something even crazier and order pizza for dinner. Look fear in the eye and all that.

In other news, I haven’t done Hipstamatic Happiness in a while, so here’s one to kick off the new week.

HH Not so scary now

Happy Monday!

4 comments

No clothes, no shame

by Daphne on January 12, 2012

in seriously somewhat serious, stuff best described as not safe for parents, the gripes of wrath, unqualified parenting tips

I can’t say if it’s an Asian thing or a generational thing, but there are these adults who tell kids who undress that they’re “shame shame”.

It infuriates me.

I was at the library with the kids a while back and there was a mom who was reading to her kid. From what I could gather while sitting across the room, it was about a kid who was learning to take a shower. While reading, she would pause and comment on the illustrations. So she got to this portion where the kid got undressed and she pointed at the photo to her child and said, “so shame shame right?”. Her 3-year-old responded with a giggle but after a stern look from his mom, became decidedly subdued and said, “the boy never wear clothes, so shame shame.”

Ok, first of all, where I come from, people get naked when they have a shower. There’s nothing shame shame about it.

And second of all, even though I haven’t actually read the book, I think that’s not really the point the author was trying to make.

The lady was reading loud enough for my kids to hear but since they didn’t really seem to hear it, I decided to leave it alone. Besides, I try not to comment on other parents’ teaching methods because I know how sensitive it is.

Then a couple of days ago, I was showering Kirsten when she turned to me and said, “See, I shame shame.” I was taken aback for a while so I asked her where she learnt it from and she said her teacher in school told her about it.

“Sweetie, listen to me, you’re not shame shame ok. You’re beautiful. If teacher ever tells you that you are shame shame again, you say “I’m beautiful” and then tell mommy when you get home.”

“But teacher said if I never wear clothes, I’m shame shame,” she said.

“That’s not true baby. Remember mommy told you that you’re not allowed to show your vagina to other people? It’s because it’s special and you’re supposed to keep it secret. But you’re not shame shame and if you have to bathe, it’s fine to not wear clothes ok.”

It was hard explaining this to a 2.5-year-old and I was mad at the teacher for making it worse.

Ok seriously, this whole shame shame thing has got to stop. I know why adults do it – to discourage kids from running around stark naked in public but there has got to be a better way to do it than shaming a child. They’re going to have to deal with feelings of inferiority and self-doubt and shame soon enough, they don’t need to feel ashamed about their bodies when they’re 2.

Besides, if there’s anything I’ve learnt from parenting toddlers, it’s that they’re compulsive little people. It’s like they can’t help themselves. If they want to get naked, THEY WILL GET NAKED. We try to contain it and scramble to make them put their clothes back on but they will do it until they’re old enough to control their impulses. And they’re not doing it to be bad or intentionally flashing their penises at you to make you uncomfortable. They’re just compulsive and all we need to do is give them a little time to learn that their private parts should be kept private.

But you know what really gets me? When teachers or adults in positions of power do it, the kids under their care will think that it’s ok to “shame shame” their peers. The kids who are waiting for their turn to shower will see the naked kids and think it’s funny to point and say “eee, shame shame”. And maybe even laugh.

I’m all for being fully clothed in public. I mean, I do it all the time. But there are situations in life which requires us to get naked and showering is one of them. My kids don’t need to feel ashamed when they undress to bathe. And so what if they do a naked streak around the house right after their shower? I doubt they’re going to be doing it when they’re 14, so if this is the way they need to express themselves right now, I’m ok with that.

So now every time I shower the kids, I make it a point to tell them that they’re beautiful the way the are.

Today, when Kirsten got into the shower, she said, “I’m not shame shame, right? I’m beautiful!”

Damn right you are, princess.

naked baby No clothes, no shame

photo credit: Lynn Davis

pixel No clothes, no shame

34 comments

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